The Templar's Apostate
by Seffora
Summary: Garrett Hawke has been protecting his twin Marian since they were children. But all his bribing and threatening can only protect her for so long in the templar-filled city of Kirkwall. As the rumors begin again, Garrett turns to the one man he knows wants to keep his sister out of the Gallows as much as he; Knight-Captain Cullen. Slightly AU with Marian and Garrett. Cullen/F!Hawke
1. Chapter 1

_Hey readers. I'm writing this story while I take a small break from The Moon and Her Eagles. (Still writing just dealing with timeline issues). This story is meant to be a short-er story than TMHE, we'll see how that plays out. _

_Since I'm terrible with summaries the important things to know are that this is Cullen/F!Hawke mage and that there will be fluffiness, angst, and smut (that will be posted on AO3 when it comes around and will be linked in the chapter on ). _

_ Thank you to my wonderful Beta Reader kaysue18. Bioware owns the world I just play in it. As always, thank you for reading and if you have questions feel free to ask._

* * *

Chapter 1:

"Marian, what are you doing!?" Garret shouted as he stormed up to where his sister was leaning over the wounded templar.

"Healing. It's something I do after a battle, brother," Marian replied calmly, looking curiously at the templar who was clutching his side and bent on a knee in front of her.

She knelt in front of him. The templar's hazel eyes were hard as they looked at her, but he hadn't tried to smite her. At least, not yet. There was pain in his eyes as well. Most likely from the gaping wound in his side where a demon had clawed through his armor. The plate made templars slow. And demons were fast, most of them anyway, except hunger demons. They always seemed to slug around after their prey. Pity, really, no wonder they were the easiest to kill.

She reached out and the templar moved back, just an inch, and grunted in pain. "Don't be such a baby." She hissed, grabbing his armor so he couldn't move farther away. She felt him stiffen.

"I am Knight-Captain Cullen of the templars in Kirkwall," he said quietly, his jaw clenched. He watched her intently as she moved her hand over his wound.

"Well, Knight-Captain. It seems you aren't very good at your job, are you? If you can be so ___disabled _by a small group of demons." She replied with a snort. Her hands went to work opening the armor so she could look at the wound.

His eyes flickered to her companions. Her brother stood angrily behind her with crossed arms. He glowered at the templar, daring him to move. "Why are you helping me?" He barely whispered as the healing magic flowed over his wound. The faint burn of skin stitching together made him grit his teeth, but he knew better than to move.

Marian sighed and glanced up at the templar to give him a small grin, "Nobody deserves to be left on the Wounded Coast to die, not even a templar." She whispered. Her hands moved away and she stood up. "There. See Garrett. All healed and I still retain all my appendages." She grinned broadly at the two surly men and walked away.

"Templar." The large dark-haired man growled down at Cullen.

Cullen eased himself to his feet testing the wound. It was healed, but he would have to favor it for a few days. He glanced around the clearing. The mage, Marian, had moved to the other side and was talking to a tanned woman who wore few clothes and an elf with white tattoos. Another dark-haired man came over to stand next to the glowering man. Garrett, the mage had called him. They looked related. Cullen sighed. The day was only beginning and now he was confronted with a real problem.

An apostate. And four armed people standing between him and said apostate. And he was in no condition to fight them all. He would have to wait and bid his time before taking the girl to the Gallows.

"This is the Knight-Captain we went running after?" The younger looking dark-haired man asked.

"I am Knight-Captain Cullen." Cullen replied glancing over to see the mage laughing at something the other woman had said. He ground his teeth in agitation. Mages should not be so at ease outside the Circle. This mage was not even batting an eyelash at the fact that he, a templar and a knight-captain no less, was standing only a few yards away.

He looked back at the corpse of the abomination that was his templar Wilmod and sighed. Maker, he needed to get back to the Gallows. Things were already a mess without adding in an apostate healing him. He looked back at the two agitated men. "Thank you. For your help with this." He tried to sound thankful, but all he could do was sound a little less angry.

"Yea, you sound real thankful," the younger man said, crossing his arms and glaring at the templar. "Bet you're real grateful for my sister's help too."

Cullen gritted his teeth and turned to the older man. "Listen, I must get back to the Gallows and get to the bottom of this mess."

"Your man was possessed by a demon." Marian said walking up to them and joining the conversation. "It takes a powerful mage to get demons to possess bodies that are not mages."

Cullen barely glanced at her and willed his anger to die down. Now was not the time. "If it is a powerful mage, then it is likely blood magic. I have been conducting an investigation into our missing recruits. Wilmod was the first to return."

"So you drew your sword on him? Seems a good welcome back present." Marian retorted, her eyes glinting mischievously.

"I would not expect you to understand templar business, **mage**. But I would watch your tone." He growled out.

"Going to make me, templar?" She asked sweetly, her smile showing too many teeth.

"Marian. Stop." Garrett said, eyeing her darkly. She knew better than to press her brother when he took that tone. She shrugged and moved away. Let them have their conversation about demons. A few missing templars didn't make her sweat any.

"What is it you want, Knight-Captain?" Garrett asked heatedly. Everyone wanted something, and whatever the Knight-Captain wanted would keep Marian out of the Gallows.

The templar looked at him for a few seconds as if wondering whether he had said too much already. Finally, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "The last place Wilmod was seen was the Blooming Rose. I tried to speak to the...women there and received no answers. If you investigate there," his eyes lingered on Marian's back for a second, "perhaps you will have more luck."

"What's in it for me?" Garrett asked, his eyebrow drawing up slightly. If the templar was smart he would catch on.

Cullen's brow furrowed and he gritted his teeth. The man couldn't be asking what he thought he was asking. By the Maker he was, wasn't he? He glanced from the dark-haired warrior to his sister and back. He needed to get to the bottom of the missing recruits. At this point, he would have to use whatever resource was at his disposal. "Find out who is responsible for this and find me at the Gallows. I will see to it that..." He glanced at the apostate. "...you are rewarded."

The corners of Garrett's mouth barely moved. "A deal?"

"Deal," Cullen growled and moved past the man and his companions to head to the Gallows.

* * *

He couldn't believe he made a deal with that blasted man. From everything Cullen had uncovered about this Hawke fellow since that day on the Wounded Coast, he was not a man to make a bargain with lightly. There was a long trail of blood and bodies that followed Hawke. It had started the very day he arrived in Kirkwall, and if one looked closely enough at the trail it was easy to see what the family was hiding.

Not for the first time Cullen wondered what had possessed him to make a deal with the brother of an apostate. He should have found the Hawke residence that same day and tore the place apart until he found the girl, but he hadn't. Whether because he was hoping Hawke would find those responsible for his men's disappearance or because he felt a twinge of guilt when he thought of the mage that had healed him, he was uncertain. He tried to squash the guilt, but it would reappear the next time he thought about finding Marian Hawke.

The man was clearly hiding his sister from the templars and had been doing so for some time, likely the girl's entire life. And if the fact that anyone who questioned him ended up dead was any indication, the man was willing to go to great lengths to keep her from them. It made Cullen wonder what had driven that family to Kirkwall. The Blight most likely. They had sounded Fereldan.

He sighed and caught sight of movement on the edge of his vision. As he looked up he saw Keran walking into the Gallows, the Hawkes trailing behind him. Cullen stared. Would they be so bold? To show up in the middle of the day in the Gallows?

Sure enough, Marian Hawke walked behind her two brothers looking around the courtyard curiously. Cullen barely suppressed a groan.

"Knight-Captain." Keran said saluting Cullen as he walked up. He saw the two Hawke brothers stand slightly behind the man. Garrett glowered at Cullen.

Marian walked up and watched the scene unfold. She had to say it gave her great satisfaction to see the Knight-Captain so on edge. She knew it was her presence, standing in the Gallows so boldly, that made the man practically twitch in irritation. Garrett hadn't wanted her to come, but she had insisted. After all, they wouldn't know if the Knight-Captain would keep his word unless they pushed him into a corner. She could be as conniving as her brother if she wanted to, or at least, she liked to think so. The Knight-Captain's eyes flickered over to her and she smiled brightly at him. She saw his jaw tense and it only made her smile wider.

Garrett was speaking to the Knight-Captain, "There were blood mages. They had a plan to implant demons into your recruits and destroy the templars."

Cullen closed his eyes for a brief moment and opened them on his templar recruit Keran. "Andraste's blood." He whispered.

Keran looked from the ground to his Knight-Captain. "The mages, Ser, they only wanted to crush us, to make us all bow to them. To destroy the Chantry and the templars."

"There were only a few mages that wanted that." Marian piped in looking cross at the younger templar. Hadn't she spent long agonizing minutes healing the templar after they found him? Hadn't she convinced Garrett to let her check to make sure he didn't carry a demon with him? And he didn't. And she was the one that had proven it, both to the stubborn templar and her brother. It seemed his gratitude only extended to keeping her out of the Gallows. A deal he most likely had made with her brother when she saw them whispering.

Carver came up behind her and whispered, "Sister, now's not the time." She shook him off, turning from the younger templar to glare at the Knight-Captain.

She saw Cullen glance at her, his body rigid, "Perhaps not all mages fall to temptation, but none are ever free of it." He stared into her eyes, his eyes as hard as they had been on the coast. "Any mage can become a monster. That is why they must always be watched. They cannot be treated like people. They cannot have the same freedoms as normal people."

She took a step forward threateningly and Carver's hand grabbed her and pulled her back. She growled low in her throat. Was this it then? The templar was going to hand her over to the Gallows. She would die before she was taken.

"Knight-Captain?" Garrett asked, his eyebrow raised slightly. But Marian saw the hardness in his body, knew that her brother would have his greatsword out at the drop of a hat to defend her. She saw the templar's eyes travel over both of them.

Cullen glared at Garrett for a few minutes, the air between them thick with tension. Finally, the Knight-Captain sighed. "Thank you. You have done the Order a service today. It will not be forgotten." He said tightly before moving away with Keran trailing behind.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Cullen moved through the darkened streets of Lowtown, heading toward the docks. Hopefully, the ferryman would still be there. If not he would have to knock on his door and wake the man. Knight-Commander Meredith had sent him to deliver reports to the Grand Cleric earlier that day and he had stayed to pray in the Chantry. He often found himself asking Andraste for guidance these days.

He had lost track of time and a sister's small cough alerted him to the fact that night had fallen and the sisters would be heading to their rooms. He sighed and breathed in the cool night air. Perhaps tonight he would sleep well. The past few weeks his dreams had been plagued with nightmares. Some of them were of his time in the Ferelden Circle. Those he was used to and had long since learned to put aside come dawn.

The new nightmares were the ones that had him going to the Chantry. The new nightmares involved the apostate Marian Hawke. Many of them involved him chasing her, hearing her laugh, always one step ahead of him. Sometimes on his quest to find her he would find his templars. Some would be dead, and some would turn into abominations to protect her.

These nightmares his rational mind understood. He was frightened of letting an apostate roam the city. It was the other dreams. The ones he fervently tried to forget come morning. The dreams of catching the apostate. Of her sly smile, of her laugh, her breath mingling with his own. Of the way her hands would trail up his body, of the feel of her softness beneath him as she opened to him.

Cullen shook his head and blushed. Those were the dreams he asked forgiveness for. Those were the dreams he couldn't understand. Were it just the fact that she was a woman he might understand. It had been some time since he lay with a woman. He supposed he should go to the Rose and get it out of his system. But that was not appropriate for a man of his station. He sighed into the night.

What worried him was that he feared it wasn't merely her body he wanted. It was the fierceness with which she had looked at him in the Gallows, the ease she had felt on the coast in his presence, the way her hands had so easily grabbed him to keep him from moving away from her when she healed him. He wanted to know her. He wanted to watch her smile and laugh. He wanted to hold her and whisper in her ear. He knew it impossible, but it didn't stop his dreams from recurring.

Ahead of him a black shadow stepped in front of his path. Cullen saw the gleam of teeth before he grabbed his sword out of its sheathe. Cutpurses were bold to try and take on a templar. Though as more shapes appeared behind him he realized perhaps they simply liked their odds.

Not waiting for them to make the first move Cullen leapt for the man in front of him, grabbing his shield off his back as he did. His sword met the man's dagger and Cullen threw his shield at the man's side, taking him off balance. He heard a step behind him and Cullen moved. Throwing himself away from the man with the daggers, he got the wall at his back as two more people bore down on him. The man with the daggers stepped back and Cullen barely saw the sneer on his face as he tried to fight off two people at once.

He fought one man off, punching his shield in the cutpurse's face. But the second was quicker and constantly moving out of his range. He knew better than to follow, he needed to keep the wall at his back or risk being stabbed in it. There were others waiting next to the man with the daggers. They would wait for him to tire and then take him down. He saw one nock an arrow in his bow and Cullen felt a shiver race through him as he fought the man in front of him.

Suddenly, he felt the distinct pull of magic being cast and he cursed. How did simple cutpurses have mages? He was gathering his focus to perform a smite when the man in front of him dropped after lightning hit him and Cullen was hit in the shoulder with an arrow. He bit off a curse and his hand instinctively went to his shoulder where the shaft now sat. He growled and looked up. He saw dark shapes moving around and a bolt go through the archer that had hit him. He turned to see Marian Hawke walk out from one of the alleys and cast a series of lightning bolts to take down the leader and several others who were fleeing.

Cullen cursed inwardly as Marian turned her attention from the cutpurses to him. He saw her eyes look at him startled and then she broke into a grin.

"Well, well, Knight-Captain. You just can't seem to keep yourself out of trouble, can you?" She asked, smiling at him as she approached.

He tried to straighten and winced slightly. His hand put pressure on his shoulder. He would need to get to the Gallows quickly and wake one of the healers to attend to him.

"The Knight-Captain?" A dwarf came up next to Marian and looked at him. "Ha, see this is why I follow you Hawkette. Always something interesting around the corner. Saving the Knight-Captain for instance." The dwarf eyed Cullen and smiled, "Makes for an interesting tale, no?"

"I'm sure there will be a lot more cutpurses in your story, Varric. And possibly a dragon or two."

The dwarf laughed and moved away to the dead men. Cullen saw him rifle through a few of their pockets and pull out some coins. Cullen turned sharply when he saw Marian coming closer.

"Woah there templar." She said, grinning at him and putting her hands up. "I'm not going to hurt you." She said it like she was speaking to a fidgeting horse, not a templar who could kill her or drag her off to the Gallows any second. He saw the dwarf glance their way and realized that once again she had those around who would stop him from doing just that.

"I don't need your help, mage. I will be returning to the Gallows." He took a step and her hand came up to touch his breastplate.

"Like that?" She asked pointing at the arrow with her other hand. "Was my healing really so terrible that you would rather walk all the way to the docks and take a ferry with an arrow sticking out your shoulder?"

He glanced down at her hand and prayed to the Maker that she didn't feel his heart pick up speed. He couldn't stop the images of his dreams as they raced through his mind and he closed his eyes so she wouldn't see his conflicted feelings. He felt her hand come up and take hold of the shaft of the arrow. He winced.

"May I?" She asked softly, his eyes still closed he nodded and she pulled the arrow out. He groaned and before he could stop himself he had grabbed her waist for something to hold onto. He heard her take in a sharp breath and then healing magic coursed through his wounded shoulder. He kept his eyes firmly shut, but his other senses had taken over.

He could feel the warmth of her standing close to him and the softness of her body under his hand. He could smell the faint smell of sweetness, he wondered if it was a kind of flower, mingled with sweat. He felt her hands on his shoulder and then as the magic faded they dropped to her side.

He opened his eyes to stare directly into hers. Her startling blue eyes looked up into his hard hazel ones. Her eyes were wide and ever so slightly vulnerable as she looked into his. He felt the intensity of his gaze and knew she would be able to see his hunger written across his face. An eternity passed in that gaze before he dropped his hand from her waist and stepped back.

"Thank you." He said briskly and walked past her toward the docks.

"Anytime." He thought he heard her whisper after him.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Garrett stared at the stack of paperwork in front of him. He glared at it wishing for a moment he had Marian's powers to burn things with a look. He knew she couldn't really do that, but he had always thought she could when they were growing up.

___Marian_, he thought. It always came back to her. His sister. His twin. He hadn't been able to protect Bethany. But he would protect her. To his dying breath he would ensure that she never ended up in the Gallows or some other Circle. She wouldn't last. Not that he doubted she was strong, but because a place like that would strip her of the will to live. His twin thrived off of excitement and people. A Circle could never keep her engaged enough.

It had been nine months since they came back from the Deep Roads. He had settled them into the Hightown estate and now he had his own study with a stack of papers he should look over. Of course, he had hoped the Deep Roads would be profitable, but he hadn't anticipated what becoming nobility again would do. Everyone seemed to suddenly want to get on the Hawke's good side. He almost smiled, wondering if the rumors that he ate human hearts for breakfast was in some small way responsible for the fear he seemed to install in every noble he had met. Even the Viscount respected him enough to keep out of Hawke's affairs.

But despite how much fear and respect he commanded, his sister's secret could get out. He had bribed and bought half the templars in Hightown to keep them from talking, and it still wasn't enough. There was a rumor that one of the Hawkes was a mage. If only he could turn the rumor into the idea that Carver was a mage. At least he was safe with the Grey Wardens. But that wouldn't be as easy. People wouldn't enjoy gossiping about a Hawke who wasn't in Kirkwall. No. Someone out there wanted to see his sister end up in the Gallows, Garrett was sure of it.

It also didn't help that his sister ran around Lowtown and Darktown killing brigands and cutpurses with magic or helping that Grey Warden mage Anders in his clinic. He tried to tell her to stay low, but she only laughed at him and told him he worried too much. ___No_, he thought, ___you don't worry enough so I have to worry for the both of us_.

He sighed and stared at the report on his desk. It was from one of his contacts in Lowtown. It stated that the templars were looking for a rumored apostate there. He groaned. Perhaps he should just take his mother's advice and marry her off to some rich noble. He almost smiled with how angry Marian would be at the prospect. But if she didn't calm down soon with her magic use, it would be that or a quick escape from Kirkwall.

A knock on his door pulled him out of his thoughts and he called for them to come in. Bodahn opened the door, "The Knight-Captain is here to see you, messere." The dwarf said politely bobbing his head as he did.

"Bring him in."

Bodahn disappeared for a moment and reappeared with the blonde Knight-Captain.

Cullen looked around the study. It felt oddly...Fereldan. There was a fire in the hearth and the desk was made out of a dark wood he knew grew in his homeland. He looked at Garrett Hawke. The large dark-haired man got up and bade Cullen to sit in the chair opposite. Cullen walked forward and took the offered seat. Hawke settled back into his chair and watched him with intent eyes as if sizing him up or looking for the best way to strike. He wished he knew why the man wished to speak to him, but the letter had simply requested his presence at the Hawke estate. Cullen wasn't sure why he had come, perhaps a small part of him had hoped Marian would be there, though he tried to squash that hope desperately.

Over the past nine months, since the apostate had returned from the Deep Roads, Cullen had tried to avoid her at any costs. He told himself it was because she was an apostate and that it was easier for him to keep her secret when he forgot she was roaming Kirkwall. But the truth was that Cullen never forgot about Marian. She still plagued his dreams, sometimes nightly. And if he saw even a glimpse of her during the day or heard the name Hawke he would dream of her and wake with a longing ache that did not subside throughout the day. He fervently told himself that nothing could ever happen between them. That even if he was to see her today in the Hawke estate he would simply be the Knight-Captain to her and she an apostate to him. It was a never-ending argument in his head. That they could never be together, that he shouldn't even bother trying for fear that she would laugh at his attempt or worse. His worse nightmares were now the ones where he watched her be taken by his own men. Those made him wake in a cold sweat.

"I have a bit of a problem Knight-Captain." Garrett said, startling Cullen from his thoughts.

He cleared his throat, "And that would be what, Hawke?" In his mind Hawke was always the brother and Marian the mage. Or sometimes that Maker forsaken beautiful apostate, though he never said that one out loud. He had once asked himself when she had become different to him and the answer had come easily. When she had saved him twice and healed him both times without ever asking for something in return. When she had looked him in the eyes in the Gallows and practically challenged him to take her. He hadn't. He knew now that he never would be able to. Instead he watched her from afar, hearing reports of her activities. Whether it be clearing out bandits from Darktown or healing people in that Warden's clinic. She always seemed to be doing the good thing, the right thing. He found it odd that an apostate would go so out of their way to help others, especially in Kirkwall, where it was so dangerous to be a mage.

Garrett was watching him and seemed to mull something over before responding, "It's my sister." Cullen startled and then immediately schooled his features and Garrett continued, "I have heard rumors that the templars suspect she is an apostate."

"That is because she is an apostate, Hawke." Cullen stated. Though his voice remained calm, his heart was beating faster. How had he not heard of this? He had been monitoring his men since the Hawkes returned to make sure no patrols came by too close to their estate. Who else, besides himself, would know about Marian?

Garrett leaned back in his chair. "Hypothetically, let us say Marian is an apostate." Cullen barely kept himself from rolling his eyes. "What would you suggest I do?"

He stared at the man. From all the information he had acquired about Hawke, none of it suggested the warrior was one to ask advice. Especially from a templar of all things. "Why ask me?"

Hawke waved his hand lazily, "Perhaps I think you don't want my sister in the Gallows any more than I do."

Cullen kept his face blank. Could he know? He hadn't made it obvious had he? By the Maker the man was looking at him with such an intent look and if he didn't know any better he would think there was laughter behind those dark eyes. Maybe he did know. Cullen almost groaned at the thought that Garrett knew about his feelings for his sister. As if he didn't have enough problems. That was something he did not want getting out.

Cullen sighed and leaned back in the chair resting his elbows on the arms. The only thing he could do now was try and help Garrett. He wasn't wrong, Cullen didn't want to see Marian end up in the Gallows. "Fine." He chewed his words for a moment before speaking, "Were I to find out where these accusations are coming from...it is possible I could let you know."

Garrett shook his head. "These accusations are only the beginning. There will be more. My sister makes sure of that. I need to know what I can do to make sure that they never happen again." He frowned and then continued, "To make her...immune to the templars, so to speak."

Cullen shook his head and looked down at the desk. "I doubt there is anything that will make her immune to the templars. We are the largest army in Kirkwall and whether or not she was a mage...she could still be under templar jurisdiction."

"Are you saying the templars would overstep their boundaries in Kirkwall?" Hawke asked, his eyes burning into Cullen's.

"I am saying that should the templars decide to act against your sister, it would not matter what she was." He said calmly.

Garrett sat in silence for a few minutes and Cullen wondered if there was anything that could be done. He suspected they could leave Kirkwall, but that idea hurt him more than he would ever say. But if it kept her safe... He was about to suggest it when Hawke spoke up again.

"My mother seems to think marrying her off to a nobleman would work. Would keep the templars out of her business." Hawke said looking up at Cullen. His dark eyes were weighing, as if wondering whether to bring this idea up at all.

Cullen frowned and felt his stomach clench. The idea of Marian being married off was even worse than her leaving. "There is no noble powerful enough to evade the templars in Kirkwall. Short of marrying her to a templar-"

"What if she did marry a templar?" Hawke asked bluntly, his eyes boring into Cullen's.

Cullen looked away and down at the desk to get away from the piercing gaze. "Hawke..." He started shaking his head slightly. By the Maker the idea of Marian being married to one of his men... "Marrying your sister to a templar is a danger in itself. She would not be able to hide what she is from them for long. And when they found out she would be taken to the Gallows. Worse, she would be..." He looked up to see Hawke giving him an intense stare, as if looking into his very soul. Cullen looked down again.

"Thank you, Knight-Captain. I think I know what I must do." Garrett said getting up and Cullen followed him, knowing he was being dismissed. At the door Cullen turned to see Hawke looking at him, the man raised his eyebrow and Cullen wanted to ask what he had decided, but thought better of it and turned to leave the room.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

It was a week later when he received another note from Hawke asking him to come to the estate. Cullen hesitated a moment outside the door before pushing it open. As he stepped into the foyer he saw the dwarf come to greet him. "Ah, Knight-Captain. Messere Hawke has been expecting you." Cullen nodded and followed him out of the foyer. As he entered the next room that led to the stairs where he assumed bedrooms were he heard a door close and feet moving on the stairs. He looked up to see Marian walking down the stairs. His breath caught in his throat. She was wearing a simple tunic with the house symbol of the Amell's engraved on the breast and by-the-Maker-where-were-her-pants? He watched the miles of legs that came down the stairs and his eyes followed them to her breathtaking eyes. She was smiling, a slight twinkle in them when she saw him.

"Knight-Captain. What brings you here?" She asked coming to stop a few feet from him.

"M-Marian." He inwardly cursed himself for stumbling over his words like a pre-teen boy. She smiled brightly up at him and he couldn't stop his eyes from taking in all of her one last time. He felt himself blush slightly.

"Here to see your brother, miss." Bodahn supplied for him and he would forever be grateful to the blasted dwarf for it. His head was spinning as he drowned in her beautiful endless blue eyes. The edges crinkled as she smiled at him and he very much suspected she was making fun of him in her head.

All he could do was nod and try to take deep breaths without her knowing. He hadn't been this close to her since that night in Lowtown and at least then the night had been able to shield his embarrassing blushes and the heat of his eyes. Now he suspected she saw all of it.

"Well then. I'll let you get to it." She said quietly, breaking her eye contact with him. Her smile lingered. She turned to the dwarf, "I'm going to buy a few things from the market, if my brother asks where I am, which he probably will once he's done flaying the good Knight-Captain." She smiled up and him and walked past.

He felt as if his body had a mind of its own as he watched her go. The gentle sway of her hips, her legs. He inwardly groaned and knew he should be focusing on composing himself for his conversation with her brother. "Flaying?" He asked the dwarf.

"Ah, the misses is only joking, I'm sure." The dwarf smiled at him and lead him to the study.

When they entered Hawke looked up at him and smiled, "Come in, Knight-Captain. Have a seat." Cullen took the seat opposite Hawke again and looked across the room.

He realized he had never actually seen Garrett Hawke smile. It put him off slightly and worried him more than it should have.

"I've been thinking about what we talked about last time you were here." Hawke rifled through some papers and drew one out. "So I made this." He handed the piece of parchment over to Cullen.

Cullen looked it over and his eyebrows drew together, "This is a list of my men, Hawke." He looked back up at the dark-haired man and saw the corners of his mouth twitch. What could put the man in such a good mood?

"It is. Very observant of you. They are all potential templars for my sister to marry."

Cullen felt his stomach drop out from him and he stared at Hawke. The man's eyebrow raised slightly and Cullen realized his shock must have been clear on his face. "I thought I said it wouldn't be a good idea, Hawke." Cullen tried to say calmly, but it came out more strangled than he would have liked.

"Well, you did. But the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea."

"And Marian?" Cullen couldn't believe she would just go ahead with this.

Sure enough, he saw Hawke's expression darken a bit, "She doesn't know yet."

Cullen shook his head and put the piece of parchment back on the desk lest he shred it before the man's eyes. "Hawke...I don't think-"

"I asked you here to pick one of the names you thought most appropriate for the task, Knight-Captain." The last part was said coldly and Cullen didn't need to look at the man to know the smile was gone and the coldness and anger back in place.

Cullen sighed softly and picked up the parchment again. He read over the list, "Thrask? Andraste's breath, the man is old enough to be her father!" He looked up to see Hawke cocking an eyebrow, but no other indication that it matter. Cullen felt a slow fire burning in him. He couldn't- the man couldn't honestly believe that Cullen would pick a name from this list so he could...give Marian to them. He felt sick to his stomach. He put the paper back down on the desk.

"I can't do that, Hawke." He stood up.

"Well, if you won't. I suppose I will have to make the decision on my own." Garrett reached across the desk to grab the parchment, but Cullen slammed his hand on top of it. Something in him had snapped at the idea of Marian being given to one of his men like a proud horse for sale and he doubted the Maker himself could change the course he was about to go down.

His hazel eyes were cold as he looked into Garrett's brown ones "None of these men could keep your sister safe." Cullen said darkly. He saw a flicker of anger cross Hawke's eyes before they returned his stare with equal coldness.

"If you aren't going to help, then I have to do what I can." Garrett said standing up to level his gaze at Cullen.

Cullen glanced down at the list and back at Hawke, "The highest ranking man you have on this list is Thrask, and he is only a lieutenant."

Hawke watched Cullen and his eyes flicked to the list. "You are saying I need a higher ranking templar?" His voice was quiet and Cullen knew the question he was really asking.

He sighed and lifted his hand from the parchment, his anger gone. Now a coldness swept through him like he had been dunked into Lake Calenhad in the middle of winter. Was he really considering this? He must be mad. He looked up to see Hawke watching him intently.

"Why was my name not on the list, Hawke?" He asked staring down at the list still on the desk.

"Do you want your name on the list, Knight-Captain?"

Cullen wondered when he had become mad. Maybe he had always been mad. He looked up into Hawke's dark brown eyes, so different than his sister's. He nodded curtly and saw the corners of Garrett's mouth twitch.

"A deal?" Hawke asked him, extending his hand.

Cullen stared at it a moment before taking it and feeling the rough callouses there. "Deal."

* * *

Marian looked at the blue ribbon. "Excellent choice, my lady. Imported from Orlais. My finest ribbon." The merchant said smiling toothily at her. She smiled back at him and ran her hand down the smooth ribbon. She wondered what she would use it for. She could wind it through her hair. She usually kept it up and out of her face anyway. She could pin it up with the ribbon, but it was slightly too fancy for everyday wearing in her hair. If she bought enough she could wrap the ribbon around her waist when they went to parties thrown by nobles. She smiled and told the merchant she would take it. She measured out enough to fit around her waist and paid him the three sovereigns for it. As she turned to walk toward home she bumped into a very solid, very heavy object. She looked up to see the Knight-Captain gazing down at her.

She couldn't keep from smiling up at him. The templar tried to be so serious all the time that she couldn't stop herself from trying to get him to smile. She was thrilled when the corner of his mouth twitched just a bit as he looked down at her.

Marian would be lying if she said the man hadn't crossed her mind a few times since their first meeting. He was a templar she had saved twice, not something most mages, and certainly not apostates, could say. She knew he was keeping her secret and she wasn't sure why that caused a warmth in her stomach whenever she thought of it. This man could do so much damage to her if he wanted, but instead he merely looked at her with his intense stare. When she had told Isabela about it the pirate had laughed at her and said she bet he was good between the sheets. Marian had blushed and told her she shouldn't think about templars between the sheets, it was likely blasphemous. The two women had laughed about that for the rest of the night.

Though now looking up at him, into his intense eyes that seemed so dark with something she didn't quite understand she wondered for a brief moment what he would be like between the sheets. She blushed and looked at the ground. "Knight-Captain."

"Marian." His voice was low and there was a warmth to the word that sent a small shiver down her spine.

"I see you are still in good health, despite talking to my brother." She said smiling back up at him. Her fingers played with the newly bought ribbon.

"Your brother is not the easiest to speak with." He glanced down at her fingers, "What is that for?"

She looked at the blue ribbon and smiled. "I thought it was pretty, and it matches my eyes. I am hoping to wear it around my waist, but I am not sure how to tie it properly there." She looked up into his intense eyes.

"I might be able to help." Cullen held out his hand and she blinked before grinning widely and giving it to him. He stepped behind her and wrapped the ribbon around her waist. Her breath caught as she felt his hands so close to her and knowing his body was right there behind her. She felt a rush of warmth spread through her body and her cheeks felt warm. "There." He whispered near her ear and she shivered from the warmth of his breath. She turned to find herself so very close to him. She looked up at his lips, wondering for a moment how soft they would feel before he stepped away. She saw a blush spread over his cheeks.

"Speak with your brother, Marian." He turned to go and glanced back at her, "I'm sorry." He whispered and walked away from her.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

Marian entered the estate slightly breathless. She wasn't sure why she had felt such a wave of disappointment when Cullen had left her standing in the market. She had marched home wondering if Garrett had insulted the man. He had told her to speak with him after all.

"Garrett!" She yelled as she walked through the foyer into the sitting room. She walked toward his study, where he always was these days. The man rarely got out except to chase down some adventure with Varric.

She stormed through the door and saw Garrett looking up at her. He looked wary of her and he leaned back in his chair. "Marian?" He asked calmly, though she heard the unease in his voice.

"What happened with you and Cullen?" She demanded walking up to the desk and leaning over it.

Garrett stared at her a moment before frowning, "He told you?"

"So something did happen. I knew it! What did you do?" She wondered why he would have practically run from her, and he had apologized. Did templars apologize? Maker, it must be bad. Suddenly, she felt a rush of cold hit her. Was he turning her in? Is that why he apologized?

"Sit down." Garrett said. She fell into the chair feeling weightless and finding it difficult to breathe. This was it. She was being turned in. She stared at her brother. Why wasn't he angry? Why had he let Cullen leave so easily?

Garrett took in a deep breath and rubbed his face with his hands. He looked up at his sister. "There have been rumors that the Hawkes are harboring an apostate." Marian sucked in breath. She felt hot blood pumping through her ears and she tried desperately to hear what her brother was saying. He had always promised he would protect her. But maybe he was tired of protecting her. Maybe he wanted to live a more peaceful life without her. "This is the only way to ensure the templars leave you alone Marian."

She blinked and shook her head. She hadn't heard him. Wait...the templars leaving her alone. "How?" She croaked out.

Garrett looked at her. "Well, to be honest, I thought it would be more difficult to convince him. But he says it will work, so we have to believe him. He's going to talk to the Knight-Commander since he needs permission. But then things will be on track and we were thinking in a month's time you should be married and safe."

Marian stood up and stared at her brother. "Married?! WHAT?!" She stared at him and then some of what he had been saying drifted through her sluggish brain "CULLEN!" She opened and closed her mouth trying to find the words to say. "ARE YOU INSANE? HE'S A TEMPLAR!" Garrett watched her, his infuriating eyebrow raising at her. There was a small knock on the door.

"Sweetheart, are you ok?" Her mother walked in. "I heard shouting." She looked from Marian who was seething and staring at her brother with venom in her eyes to her son's guarded look. "What's going on?" Leandra asked looking from one twin to the other.

Marian folded her arms and glared at her brother, "Go on. Tell our mother how you **sold** her daughter to a templar. Go on. Do it!"

"What?" Leandra looked petrified where she stood, her eyes moving quickly between the two.

"I didn't sell you to him, Marian. Andraste's knickers try to be more understanding about this."

"UNDERSTANDING!" She shouted. "YOU WANT ME TO MARRY A TEMPLAR AND YOU EXPECT ME TO UNDERSTAND!"

Garrett got up slowly. "Marian, I had no choice. You continue to use your magic without thought of cons-"

"DON'T YOU LECTURE ME ON CONSEQUENCES, GARRETT HAWKE!" Marian growled her hand erupting in flames from anger. She quickly tried to extinguish the flames, but it was too late.

Garrett growled at her and she felt her mana stripped away as if it had never been. "DO YOU THINK I HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MARIAN? YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN?" He stalked around the desk and Marian shrank back.

"Garrett." Leandra tried, but one look from him and she quieted.

"It was this or the Gallows." He growled quietly, a few feet from his twin. "Make your choice, sister." And with that he stormed out of the study, slamming the front door behind him when he left.

* * *

"Cheer up cupcake, it could be so much worse." Isabela said cheerily falling into the seat beside Marian with another tankard of ale for the dark-haired mage.

"Worse than marrying a templar?" Marian asked grabbing the tankard Isabela sat down in front of her and taking a large swig as the pirate gently soothed her hair.

"Worse than marrying one fine hunk of templar meat? Yes, I can think of far worse things than that." Isabela purred. "Think of those arms, cupcake. The quiet ones are always the best in that area...and the biggest." Isabela smirked at her and picked up her drink.

"Being taken to the Gallows and turned tranquil would be worse, I expect." Fenris growled from across the table, looking up and scowling at Marian.

Marian frowned into her drink. "I don't care if he's...he's...Maker Isabela. That's not the point. The point is that I'm going to be his...his wife." She felt the world crumbling around her and she set her head on the table.

Isabela chuckled. "Being his wife isn't necessarily a bad thing. Though it's not what I would have done, but your brother pays me far too much to argue with his decisions." The pirate smirked at the mage.

"Is there anyone in this town who my brother hasn't bought?" Marian asked hopelessly.

"No." Fenris growled.

* * *

"Garrett can't do this!" Anders yelled at Marian, storming from one end of the clinic to the other. Marian sat on his cot, her feet dangling off it as she swept dust off her dress.

"Apparently, he can." Marian scowled down at the floor.

Anders stopped and looked at her. "No, he can't Marian. You can't be forced to marry any man." His voice was strained and she saw that he was only barely holding on to his self-control.

"What choice do I have?" Marian asked softly, picking at her dress again.

Anders ran his hand over his face and through his hair and looked at her. He stayed silent for a few moments before quietly saying, "You could leave."

Marian looked up at him sharply, "I'm not leaving my family, Anders."

"Marian," Anders pleaded, "You can't marry a templar. You don't realize how dangerous templars are. You never-"

"I know perfectly well how dangerous templars can be Anders." Marian snapped, frowning at him. "Garrett trusts Cullen, and I...I trust Garrett's judgment."

"And if it's a trap? If the templar is just using this whole thing as a trap to lure you into a false sense of security? What then Marian?"

She sighed and got up from the cot. "Cullen has had ample opportunity to turn me into the templars or kill me himself. If he wanted to, I think he would have."

She started walking towards the door to the clinic and Anders grabbed her arm. "He could do so much worse than turn you into the templars." Anders looked into her eyes and she saw a flash of blue that faded. "Please...just promise me that you will tell me if he..." Anders released her arm and stared at the ground, "if he tries anything."

Marian blushed and nodded. She headed out of Anders clinic and up toward Hightown.

* * *

"Excuse me sister, can you point me in the direction of Brother Sebastian?" The Chantry sister smiled and indicated the back of the Chantry. Marian smiled and thanked her before heading toward the ex-prince archer. He was interesting, and she wasn't sure she understood why he dedicated his life to being a Chantry brother, but he was always kind to her and she could use some guidance.

Last night she had gone to the Hanged Man and drank herself into oblivion. After she had woken up and recovered she had gone down to Ander's clinic to tell him and to have her migraine taken care of. She would always be thankful that his clinic was only steps away from the entrance to the Hawke basement. It wasn't easy to heal one's own hangover. Magic was difficult to concentrate on. She supposed she should have expected him to react badly to the news of her marrying a templar. Anders had been the closest to her since they met before the expedition. And she had been the one to convince Garrett to let Anders come along. Maker knows what would have happened to Carver if the Warden mage hadn't been there.

Marian wasn't sure how she felt about the marriage. Last night she had been furious. In the light of morning, she wondered what she would have done in her brother's shoes. She wished he had told her, or spoken to her about his fears. She sighed. But then he wouldn't be Garrett Hawke if he did. No, Garrett Hawke acted first and asked questions later.

Her brother had always been there to protect her, from the first time her magic manifested, to running from the Blight, to the mercenaries during their first year of Kirkwall. He kept her safe.

She knew he was doing what was right or what he thought was right. Which meant the marriage was probably the safest thing for her in the long run. The problem was that Marian didn't know how she felt about marrying Cullen. She barely knew the templar. Sure he was attractive, she blushed at the thought, but she knew nothing about him as a person.

Marian came upon Brother Sebastian sitting at his desk writing letters.

"Sebastian?" She asked as she neared.

He looked up and smiled, rubbing his eyes and standing. "Marian. It is always good to see you. How are you?"

Marian fidgeted with her dress and smiled at her feet, "I am...well. Thank you for asking. How are you, Brother Sebastian?"

"Please, it's just Sebastian. I am doing very well. I hear your brother is doing the Maker's work and clearing out the streets."

Marian hid her smile, "Yes, he is."

"So what can I do for you Marian?" Sebastian leaned against his desk and folded his arms, smiling at Marian with his dazzling white teeth.

She blushed slightly and looked at the ground. Taking a few breaths she looked back up at him and saw that his smile was gone and a look of concern replaced it. She must look as anxious as she felt. "It's..." She looked around and hesitated.

When she turned back around Sebastian had moved away from the desk and stepped toward her, "Marian, what is wrong?" He looked genuinely worried now.

As he approached she panicked, "Garrett-arranged-a-marriage-with-a-templar." She raced out and took as step back, her cheeks flushing furiously.

Sebastian stopped, startled, his eyebrows creasing. He glanced at her and then around to make sure they were alone before coming another step and dropping his voice. "A templar? Who? Why would Hawke do this?"

She twisted her dress in her hands and looked up at the Chantry Brother. "He said it was the only way to protect me...from...you know." She glanced around again to make sure they were truly alone.

"Why would Hawke marrying a templar protect you?" Sebastian asked.

Marian stared at him a moment and a shaky laugh escaped her lips before she put her hand over her mouth. "Garrett? He is not the one getting married."

He frowned down at her. "You?" He asked and she nodded solemnly. "Who?"

She took a deep breath and stared at the ground so she wouldn't see his reaction. "The Knight-Captain."

She heard his intake in breath and he moved away a bit. When she looked up his back was to her. He sighed and shook his head before turning around and regarding her with his sky blue eyes. "And how do you feel about this?" He asked quietly, watching her.

"I-I don't know..." Marian sighed. "I trust Garrett to do the right thing. He has been taking care of me since we were children...but..." She closed her eyes briefly and when she opened them Sebastian was watching her. She saw his concern and also, a hint of anger in his endless eyes.

"But...?"

"But it is the Knight-Captain. And I don't even know him. And he is still a templar. What if he decides to change his mind and turn me in...or worse?"

Sebastian scratched his chin thoughtfully. He was silent for a few minutes and Marian started fidgeting again. "From what I have heard the Knight-Captain is a good man. Honorable. I do not think he would take his vows to you lightly. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing for you." He smiled and walked toward her. "Perhaps this is simply the Maker guiding you down a new path, Marian. Whether you think it is the right one or not, the Maker knows what is best for all of us."

Marian sighed and shook her head. She gave the Brother a small smile. "Thank you, Brother Sebastian. If you will excuse me." She turned and walked toward the doors of the Chantry.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

Marian thanked the ferryman as she got off the boat across the channel to the Gallows. She looked around nervously and adjusted the blue ribbon around her waist. It had been three days since her visit to Sebastian and after a lot of time to think, and a lot of drinking with Isabela, she had come up with a plan. The dress she wore was a light grey and one of the finer dresses her mother had made when they first moved into the Hightown estate. It had silver embroidery on the sleeves and the sigil of Amell embroidered across the breast. There was a slash in the side so that she could easily move and it showed off her fine legs as she walked. She smiled and brushed a small bit of dust off the form fitting dress and walked toward the Gallows courtyard.

She saw Cullen as she entered the courtyard and headed toward him. When Cullen's eyes found her in the courtyard his body stiffened and his eyes widened as he took in her dress. She watched as his hazel eyes swept from her feet to her head and Isabela's instructions ran through her head. She smiled at him, putting on her most stunning smile that her mother always said lit her eyes up like stars on a quiet night.

"Hello, Knight-Captain." She said smoothly, beaming up at him.

"Marian." He replied in a hoarse whisper, his cheeks flushing slightly. She watched his tongue flick out to wet his lips as his eyes flicked down to her dress and back up to her eyes.

Isabela had said the man looked deprived.

"I was in the area, and I thought I would drop by and see how you were doing on this fine day."

"You were in the area?" Cullen looked over her shoulder and then back at her.

She smiled wider. "Well, yes. Occasionally, Garrett sends me to see what the merchants have in stock here. He always says the Gallows keeps the best weapons merchants."

He nodded. "Some would say that." His feet shifted as he looked at her. She let the silence draw out.

"I was wondering if I might ask you something? While I'm here." She watched him look past her for a second before his gaze returned to her. He looked unsettled. It only turned her smile gleeful.

"Of course." He nodded to her.

"Well, I have been thinking about...your arrangement with my brother..." She started and watched him grow more uncomfortable. "And I want to know why would you go along with it?" She stopped smiling and looked at him more sternly, "What do you hope to gain?" She asked coldly. She had wanted to throw him off balance. Isabela had told her that was the best way to get an honest answer out of him.

"G-gain?" He stuttered rubbing his hand at the back of his neck as his gaze darted around. He looked completely miserable and she almost felt bad for her devious plan. He took a deep breath, exhaled it and said quietly, "I don't hope to gain anything...I only want to protect you." His look was so heartfelt that she stopped breathing for a second.

She felt a small blush creep across her cheeks. "Oh." She looked at the ground, now the one feeling uncomfortable.

When she looked up the Knight-Captain wore a small smile. "I suppose I should be flattered that you think me capable of grander plans. I am afraid I leave that to your brother."

She smiled up at him. "That is probably for the best." Silence crept between them and she shifted her feet. She watched emotions and sentences unsaid run through his eyes.

Finally, he smiled at her. "Perhaps, while you are here you can help me?"

"With what?" She asked warily.

He shifted and his cheeks reddened. "Well...it is only that...I am meeting with the Knight-Commander later today..."

"To speak with her about...?" She blushed as well.

"Y-yes. I need to get her permission and the permission of the Grand Cleric to..."

Marian felt a laugh bubble up in her throat. "To get married?" She said blushing and looking up into the templar's hazel eyes. Maker, if they couldn't even say the word what were they doing?

He swallowed and met her eyes before nodding. She saw the uncertainty in them. At least she knew she wasn't the only one worried about this course of action.

"It is just...I am afraid Meredith will think me rash since she has heard nothing of this...of you before today. I do not wish her to suspect there are other motivations behind my...marrying you."

"And you need me to do...what exactly?" Her heart was racing. What if the Knight-Commander did suspect? Would she send someone to investigate her Knight-Captain's bride-to-be? Panic was slowly rising through her blood.

"Well...if you were too..." His hand ran across the back of his neck and he looked decidedly over her head as he spoke, "show me some sign of affection...the news might travel back to her and she would not think too long on my motivation."

Marian stared at him a long while. He shifted once, but did not look at her. Finally, she spoke quietly, "Speaking like this is not enough?" She watched him glance at her for a second before looking beyond her again.

"It can be enough if you would like it to be."

She wondered at the hidden question in his words. Did she want it to be enough? She looked at the Knight-Captain. She saw what Isabela did, though maybe not in as much detail as the pirate. He was a handsome man. A man that would make many a woman burn with desire. Marian herself admitted she was attracted to him, but being attracted to a man did not mean she necessarily wanted to marry him on the spot. But perhaps it would make her life easier if she could forget for a moment that the man was a templar and focus on the kindness he had always shown her. That and his explicitly broad shoulders.

She gave him a small smile. "Will a kiss suffice, ser?" She asked sweetly.

He looked at her in surprise and then barely nodded his head. She moved closer to him and felt her nervousness rise. By the Maker the man was covered in plate. What if she were to trip and fall into him? She would likely break a bone on his armor alone. She sighed and tried to clamp down her wayward thoughts. She looked up at his lips. She had wondered what they would feel like. Now she could satisfy her curiosity.

She gave a small gasp of surprise when his hand reached around her hip and pulled her a bit closer. There was caution in his eyes as he closed the distance between them. She rested a hand on his breastplate at the same time his head moved down. She tilted her neck and met his lips with hers. His lips were soft and warm. At first she wondered if he would break the kiss quickly but his lips moved against hers and she responded. He deepened the kiss and his hand ran down her back making her shiver against him. Heat surged through her veins and her hand gripped his arm. She felt him pulling away and she moved her head trying to keep the kiss going a second longer, wanting more. As he pulled back she made a noise of disappointment and his eyes sparkled down at her in amusement.

A fire had started in her body and with his lips gone it died a little. She bit her lip and stared up at him. His eyes glanced at her lip and he smiled. He removed his hand from her back and stepped away. She let her hands fall from his armor.

Cullen cleared his throat. "Thank you. I-uh...think that should do the trick." He was smiling and she couldn't help from grinning back foolishly. She knew her cheeks were likely as red as his own and she wanted so badly to grab his armor and kiss him again.

"I suppose I will be hearing from you then?" Marian asked breathlessly.

Cullen nodded. "I will send word as soon as I know."

* * *

Cullen walked into the Knight-Commander's office after a short knock. She glanced up at him from her desk and nodded toward the chair opposite her. Cullen took the proffered seat and waited for her to finish writing.

Meredith looked up from her parchment and examined him with her hard eyes. She rustle through some papers and pulled one out, examining it. Glancing up at him again she pursed her lips. "You want to marry?"

He tried to remain calm under her stare and nodded. "Yes, Knight-Commander."

"This...Marian Hawke?" She put the parchment down. "Was this the woman from the courtyard earlier today?"

"Yes." Cullen thought back to the kiss and repressed a smile. He hadn't thought Marian would...respond so well. He had only hoped for a quick affectionate kiss. One that would show his templars that Marian and him were close, but he hadn't wanted to push her too far. Hawke had sent him a message only the other day saying that Marian would 'come around' to the idea of the marriage.

To be fair Cullen had spent the last several days contemplating when he had lost his mind. After agreeing to the marriage with Garrett he had walked out of the estate only to run into the very woman of discussion. When she had smiled at him, Cullen lost himself to the fantasy of what life would be like married to her. As he wound the ribbon around her waist, however, he realized how cruel it was of him to take her freedom in one way only to ensure it in another and he had felt disgusted with him.

Secretly, he had hoped she would end the engagement before it started. He knew he would go through with it, he would marry her and keep her safe. But Cullen was also keenly aware that he wanted more out of the marriage than to just protect her from his templars and he was also aware Marian did not. He wanted her. He wanted to be her husband and come home to her smiling at him the way she had smiled in the markets. He wanted to hold her in his arms at night and kiss her head in the morning when he left for the Gallows. Cullen wanted this, but he had thought she would never want that as well. After this afternoon, he wondered if she could come to care for him the way he did for her.

"Hmmm. Interesting." Meredith said calmly, still examining him from across the desk. "Hawke is the family that made their fortune in the Deep Roads recently...I have had quite a few reports on their...activities."

Cullen's heart started racing. What if she already suspected Marian of being an apostate? Then there would be nothing he could do. He wouldn't even have time to warn them.

"They bought the old Amell estate in Hightown, did they not?"

"They did." Cullen barely managed to say, his throat constricting with each passing moment. "Their mother is an Amell."

Meredith nodded and stayed quiet for a few moments. "How long have you been courting the girl?"

He swallowed, hating lying, even now. "A few months. A few months after her and her brother returned from the Deep Roads. They are the ones who helped us with the blood mage problem we had at the...Blooming Rose a while back."

"That is when you met?"

"Yes."

The Knight-Commander nodded. "You know that templars are often not allowed to marry if their Knight-Commander thinks it will interfere with their duties."

Cullen nodded solemnly, wondering what he would tell Hawke if Meredith denied his request. "I...understand that, Commander."

She opened a drawer in her desk and took out a folder. Meredith flipped through it as she spoke, "I requested you from Ferelden's Circle because I saw your potential, Ser Cullen. You were being held back and I set you free." She glanced up at him and back down at his file. "Your record in the Order has few marks, Knight-Captain. Save what happened in Ferelden, one would even say it is impeccable. I will give you one chance. Do you think this...Marian Hawke will affect your role in the Order?"

Cullen had scarcely breathed while the Knight-Commander spoke. It took him a moment to realize she had asked him a question. "Y-yes Knight-Commander...I mean...NO." He said slightly more forcefully then he wanted. Taking a breath to calm himself and feeling the heat rise in his cheeks he tried again. "What I mean to say is, no, Marian Hawke will not distract me from my duties to the templar order. As you say, her family is well-off and they have been gaining influence in Kirkwall since they arrived. I have heard from Marian that the Viscount often speaks with her brother. I can only see the templars benefitting from a union between their family and our order." He surprised himself with how easily the practiced speech had come out. The one Garrett had given him the day he agreed to the wedding.

Meredith seemed to consider this and finally she nodded slowly. "As you say Knight-Captain. Give me a few days to consider your request and we will speak again."

Cullen got up, knowing a dismissal when he heard it, and bid the Knight-Commander a good day.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

"How did it go?" Isabela asked as Marian walked into the Hanged Man later that day.

"How did what go, Isabela?" Merrill asked from her perch next to the pirate.

"Not...as planned," Marian said, sitting down across the table from the two women.

"What didn't go as planned?" Aveline said, walking up to the table and sitting down next to Marian.

Marian smiled at the guard captain. "It's been awhile, hasn't it?"

"Don't avoid the question. I came here looking for you, Marian. I had a long talk with your brother today." Aveline gave her a hard look and she knew she couldn't wiggle out of this one.

"Well, man-pants can wait. I want to hear the details of what happened when you went to the Gallows today." Isabela toned in, smirking at Marian.

"You went to the Gallows?!" Aveline and Merrill exclaimed at the same time.

"What were you thinking, Marian?" Aveline asked sternly. She frowned at Marian and looked her over as if expecting to find some gaping wound in the mage.

"Both of you calm down." Marian said sighing. "I went to the Gallows to speak to Cullen."

"That does not calm me down," Aveline replied curtly.

Marian shook her head and smiled at the guard captain. "It's alright. Nothing happened." Isabela made a noise of disappointment. "Well...almost nothing." Marian smirked and her eyes glittered with mischief. "We kissed."

The table went in uproar. Isabela whooped and Merrill gasped. Aveline shouted something that Marian didn't hear. Then Isabela rounded on Aveline. "Just because you don't get any doesn't mean you get to ruin the rest of our fun."

"Fun? Don't you realize how dangerous this is?" Aveline shot back at the pirate. "I had to tell Hawke the same thing today. He thinks he can just buy people and that everyone he looks at will do what he wants. He's playing with his sister's life!" The table went quiet.

Marian's smile vanished. She turned to the guard captain and Aveline looked at her. Beneath the anger Marian saw the worry in her friend's eyes. She gave her a small smile. "My life's always been dangerous, Aveline."

"Marian, not like this."

"You were married to a templar, man-hands. Shouldn't you be the first one jumping on this boat?" Isabela inclined, calling over Norah to take their drink order.

"That was different. Templars aren't a danger to me. They are no more dangerous to me than any other idiot with a sword. But to Marian..."

"I know. Believe me, Aveline I know." Marian said, shaking her head. "And two days ago I would have been just as angry as you. Two days ago I wanted nothing to do with the man..."

"And then you kissed." Merrill said, smiling sweetly at the dark-haired mage.

Marian smiled shyly. "It was...incredible." She heard Aveline groan. "The way he looked at me and made me feel. It's like nothing I've ever-"

"One kiss does not make this a good idea!" Aveline growled.

"Mmmm...but if it was a good kiss. Oh, that could mean good things. Such good things, cupcake." Isabela purred.

Marian smiled and took one of the drinks Norah deposited on the table.

"To good things?" Isabela asked raising her tankard and grinning.

Marian laughed and heard Aveline grumble under her breath. "To many good things." She said and took a drink.

* * *

It was two weeks later that Meredith called him into her office. It had been a rough few weeks and he had only had time to write to Hawke and tell him that Meredith was thinking about his request. He wished he had been given time to visit the estate and talk to Marian. After that day in the Gallows courtyard, he had difficulty concentrating on his tasks as his mind wandered back to her and her smile, the redness of her lips, and the way the dress hung on her hips...

"Knight-Commander." He said walking into the office and going toward the chair she indicated.

"Tell me Knight-Captain..." Meredith began giving him an intense stare as he sat down, "this marriage with Miss Hawke, how does her brother feel about it?"

He started "Hawke? We...well Marian assures me he will be happy for her. I did not wish to speak to him about it until I knew." Cullen hoped she took his nervousness for the truth. Why was the Knight-Commander asking him about Garrett? The man should not factor into her decision at all.

"Hmmm. I see." Meredith rubbed her chin thoughtfully for a moment, eyeing Cullen. "When you marry the Hawke girl...where do you intend for her to reside? You know we do not allow wives to stay at the Gallows."

His heart stopped and then began beating wildly. She had said 'when you marry' not if, but when. He felt so elated he almost forgot to answer her question. When Meredith began to lift an eyebrow in expectance he hurried on. "I expect Marian will continue to live with her brother...at the estate. And that I will visit when I am given leave."

The Knight-Commander frowned. "No. That will not do." His face fell and she looked down at her desk. Meredith flipped through some of her papers and then through one of the drawers until she pulled out a piece of parchment. "I will not have my Knight-Captain marrying a woman who continues to live with her brother." Meredith took a quill and wrote something on the bottom of the parchment and then sanded it. "You remember the house by the docks? The one you cleaned out last week. With the blood mages." Cullen nodded, not seeing where she was going. "The Chantry has taken possession of the house with the intention of selling it." She looked up at him sharply. He stared at her blankly.

"Consider this your wedding gift, Knight-Captain." Meredith finally said, handing him the paper. "I suspect your bride-to-be will be more willing to take a man of the Order who has property to his name."

Cullen stared at the signed paper transferring ownership of the house to him. He looked up at Meredith. She wasn't smiling, only watching him.

"T-Thank you Knight-Commander." Cullen said breathlessly, his hands sweating as they held the paper. Him? A house owner? She nodded, watching him.

* * *

Marian sat by the fire, reading. It was one of those odd days were she felt the desire to stay indoors and not do anything. Garrett was off doing errands and her mother had gone to visit with some nobles. Leandra had invited her, but she had declined. Today was not a day she wanted to be dressed up and sit on awkward chairs and listen to pointless chatter. Today she wanted to immerse herself in a book and travel to another land to have adventures.

She smiled as she flipped through the pages, engrossed in the story.

A small cough startled her and she looked up to see Cullen standing in the doorway to the sitting room. Her eyes drank in the sight of him. He gave her a small smile and shifted, not wearing his heavy templar armor. He was clothed in a simple tunic and pants. At first she wondered if she had fallen asleep while reading. This wouldn't be the first dream the Knight-Captain had invaded in the last couple weeks. She had been slightly cross that he hadn't wrote to her, but she heard the templars had been busy taking down a group of blood mages by the docks. She didn't feel sorry for the mages that used the Maker's talent to hurt others. She could never do that.

"Knight-Captain?" She asked, putting down her book and rising from her chair to face him.

"For the moment, I am not." He said stepping into the room and smiling warmly at her. He glanced around. "I was hoping to speak with your brother. Is he here?"

Marian frowned and shook her head. "He went out. But he should be back shortly."

Cullen nodded and looked at her. His smile making her feel light-headed. She stepped closer to him unconsciously and looked up at him, grinning wide. "So...?"

His finger came up to brush her cheek and she jumped back. He frowned and straightened. "I apologize." He said stiffly, his cheeks red and his eyes darting everywhere, but at her.

She tried to calm her racing heart as she called herself an idiot in her head. She hadn't meant to react in such a way, he had merely surprised her.

Biting her lip and looking down she tried to think of something they could talk about in the ever growing awkward silence. "Um...so did the Knight-Commander ever get back to you? Garrett said that she was giving you a hard time."

"Ah...yes she did. She approved the...marriage." His eyes glanced at hers before darting away.

"Oh...that's...good." She said as she fidgeted with her red dress.

"Yes."

Silence stretched between them.

Finally, Cullen turned to her. "Listen Marian." He wet his lips and her eyes flickered to his soft lips. "I just want you to know that...this marriage..." He glanced away from her towards the fireplace. "I hope you know that I don't...expect...anything. I know that this isn't ideal for you and I don't want you to think that I would ever...ask something of you that you didn't want to give." He didn't look at her as his face flushed.

She swallowed and nodded, then realized he likely hadn't seen it. "I-I know." She whispered. She looked up at him. By the Maker he looked adorable. He was clearly flustered about this and she hadn't made it easy, had she? But the last few weeks had left her wanting. She wondered what he was like as a man, as a husband. The longer she thought about it the more she was curious as to how her life would change with him in it. She smiled softly and closed the distance between them. She reached up and put her hand on his cheek.

He started and turned to stare down at her. His eyes were wary and she stroked his jaw softly. They warmed under her gaze and a small smile tugged at his mouth. His head tilted toward her and she tipped her head back wanting him to close the distance.

"Marian." He whispered. His voice was warm and his breath swirled against her lips making her shiver. Her eyes hooded closed. She waited and felt his hand reach around her and pull her hips toward him. As his lips brushed hers softly she pushed up against them, wanting more. Wanting the fire he had caused last time. Cullen made a rumbling noise in his chest and pulled her closer. Her body pressed against his and the warmth of it overtook her senses. She could smell the leather and warm oil scent on him and her hand slipped behind his head and curled through the soft blonde hair on the nape of his neck.

His hand traveled up from her hip to her back and he stroked it softly. His lips opened and his tongue flicked against her lips. She gasped and he pulled her closer and gently nipped at her bottom lip. A soft moan escaped her as heat pulsed through her body.

"Marian." Garrett said sternly from the doorway. The two of them sprang apart as if hit with lightning and Marian stared at Cullen's shocked face. She turned to see Garrett regarding them both with dark eyes. She could see the fury in them, hidden beneath layers of self-control.

Garrett cleared his throat and turned to look at Cullen. "Knight-Captain."

Cullen's face was almost as red as her dress and he couldn't look her brother in the eye. Instead, he watched a small spot on the rug and nodded to Garrett. "H-Hawke." He said hoarsely.

"Will you join me in my study?" Garrett said coldly and walked out of the room.

Cullen nodded and glanced at Marian before following.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

Garrett settled himself in his chair angrily. He gave Cullen a hard stare as the templar shifted and sat in the chair opposite him.

Hawke had always prided himself on knowing what a man was thinking and he could tell Cullen was thinking he would be lucky to get out of here alive. It wasn't a far off guess either. Garrett leaned back in his chair and let the silence stretch. Silence was his weapon. It made men anxious. It made them say things they ought not to.

Malcolm Hawke had always told Garrett that his greatest weapon was his way with people. Of course, his father had said it while biting his cheek, but Garrett knew it was the truth. Since he had been a boy he had known how to get his way with people. It was his own sort of magic. He had always used his talent to protect his sisters and father from the templars. Now he used it to make his sister marry one. Maker, how his life had changed.

When the people of Lothering had started murmuring that the Hawke family was 'odd' Garrett had joined the templars. His father hadn't been happy, but Garrett assured him he would be able to change the town's mind.

And he had. He knew his father suspected he had ulterior motives for joining the templars. That had been true as well. Hawke had relished the training. He had enjoyed the discipline and strength he found. He had enjoyed the power he had as a templar. The feeling he had, knowing that he could protect his family not only from the templars, but from themselves as well.

But he had failed, hadn't he? His father had died, and then his sister. Then his brother was taken by the Blight and left with Wardens and now his twin was in danger of the templars. The Hawke family had long since been forsaken by the Maker.

He looked at the templar captain sitting across from him. The man couldn't meet his eyes and instead stared at the desk in front of Hawke. Garrett had heard months ago, from one of his contacts in the Gallows, that the Knight-Captain had his eye on Marian. At first he had been furious, thinking the man was waiting for Marian to step out of line so he could bring her into the Gallows in good conscience. As the months had worn on, Garrett suspected the man's feelings ran deeper than protecting citizens of Kirkwall from the menace of a rogue apostate. When the rumors of a Hawke apostate had started, Garrett knew he was going to need bigger allies than the back-alley lackeys he currently had.

"I assume, by your actions earlier, that the Knight-Commander has given you an answer?" Garrett finally asked.

Cullen started and glanced up at Hawke before returning his gaze to the desk. "Yes. The Knight-Commander has approved my request...and..." He glanced up again and Garrett raised an eyebrow, "she has also given me a house. By the docks. So that I may take Marian with me and live there...once we are married." The Knight-Captain swallowed.

Garrett kept his face calm. A house? Why would the Knight-Commander give Cullen a house? "There is a reason Marian cannot stay here?" Garrett asked softly, his voice cold.

The Knight-Captain picked his head up and looked up at Garrett with curiosity. "She will be my wife, Hawke. Surely you realize she cannot stay here forever?"

"Your wife? How interestingly you say such a word, Knight-Captain. And tell me, what do you think of my sister? As a woman."

Cullen blushed. "I...apologize for the scene that you saw, Hawke. It was not my intention. I...you should know Hawke, that I have the highest regard for your sister."

He nodded slowly. "I can see that." Cullen blushed deeper and Garrett fixed him with a stare. "You are to marry my sister. I know that a _lesser_ man might use that to his advantage." Cullen opened his mouth to speak, but Garrett cut him off, "I expect that what I saw will not happen again."

"H-Hawke, we will be married. You can't possibly tell me your sister can not decide for herself..."

He glared at the man, daring to press this matter. "Should my sister decide you are the right man for her...that will happen when you are married. Not a day before it, understood?" Cullen nodded. "You should know...if you hurt my sister in any way the Maker himself will not be able to save you."

"I would never hurt Marian."

"Make sure that you don't...And don't tell her about this house you now have. Not until after the wedding." He didn't want to deal with another angry tirade from her.

When the Knight-Captain left, Garrett stared at the door in thought. He was always able to predict a man's actions. He had known the templar had feelings for his sister and that he could use those feelings to get his way. He had expected the man to jump at the chance to marry her. Everything had been going according to plan. Garrett frowned into the growing darkness. But things were getting complicated now. And he needed to control the situation. Garrett hadn't anticipated his sister reaction. He had expected her to be more angry. To stay angry. He had expected her marriage to the Knight-Captain to be purely 'political'. Now he knew it would be anything but. And he wasn't prepared for that. He wasn't prepared to let his sister go the way he had let everyone else go. His twin was the one person he didn't know how to predict.

* * *

It was two months before the wedding was planned and ready. When Leandra was finally able to drag Marian indoors long enough to begin planning the wedding, Marian had insisted it be small. **Small**, she had said with emphasis to her mother's deaf ears. Leandra had grudgingly been planning a smaller wedding, larger than Marian wanted, but small in comparison. Everything had been going smoothly until the Knight-Commander decided to ask Cullen about the wedding plans.

After that the wedding was pushed back. The Knight-Commander had then INSISTED that the wedding be worthy, **worthy** was the word that Maker forsaken, irritating, woman used! Worthy of the Knight-Captain of the templars of Kirkwall. The small wedding was forgotten and a larger, grander, and more humiliating wedding began preparation.

Marian had been so angry that she had stormed out of the house and gone to the Wounded Coast, spending five days wandering and killing bandits. She was furious that her wishes had been completely disregarded because of some templar! That the templar woman could still control even a fraction of her life made Marian's spells almost uncontrollable in anger. Garrett had gone after her a few days later with Fenris and Aveline to calm her down and bring her home. Still angry about the Knight-Commander's ___proclamation__, _Marian had then busied herself in Anders' clinic, helping him with patients so that she could stay as far away as possible from the wedding plans.

Anders was quiet most of the time she was in the clinic, always shooting her glances and attempting to convince her to call off the wedding when they did speak. Between him and her mother sighing every time she came home late and saying it was impossible to plan a wedding without the bride's involvement, Marian was ready to get the wedding over and done with.

There were a few brutal days where Garrett had to forcibly keep her inside so she could be measured and fitted for a dress. Then there was the incredibly awkward dinner with Cullen a few weeks before the wedding. Marian had come home late from working in the clinic and walked in on her family halfway through dinner with the templar. She had been forced to sit there and make pitiful small talk before rushing to her room to bathe. The few times she did made eye contact with the templar she hadn't been able to stop herself from smiling as she watched the corner of his lips twitch.

The man infuriated her. She didn't understand it. Some days she couldn't stop thinking about him and other days she wanted to punch him for making her feel this way. She barely knew him and yet most of her dreams involved him. The man drew her toward him like a magnet and she wished that they were given a few moments alone. But that was not proper and both her mother and brother made sure that didn't happen.

She was almost positive Garrett had told her mother about that day in the sitting room, and now there was no chance to speak to the man about it.

As for the dreams that included the templar. Most of them were not something she would talk to her mother about, or anyone for that matter. It didn't stop her mind from occasionally drifting back to them throughout the day. Whenever it happened, Marian would blush furiously and try to busy herself doing something while her body began to ache in response. Isabela always laughed knowingly, while if it happened in Anders' clinic he would ask her if she was getting a fever.

Marian sighed as she pushed open the estate door the night before her wedding. She had been feeling nervous all day and had gone to Anders' clinic earlier that morning. However, after the first few minutes there Anders had taken her aside and told her she couldn't marry Cullen the next day.

"You just can't, Marian. Don't you understand? It's not right. He's abusing his power, don't you see that?" Anders pleaded with her.

Marian sighed. "Anders, we've been over this a thousand times. I have to marry Cullen. It's the only way to make sure the templars don't come after me. How long do you think it would take before they suspected me of being a mage? Well, not long, I'll tell you that."

"You **are** a mage, Marian! Now is the time to come to terms with that, not become some pet to the templars!" Anders' eyes flashed blue for a second before he shook his head, "You could do so much to help the mages here. But instead you sit in your Hightown estate and pretend that the rules don't apply to you because you're special! Because you have a brother that will protect you! Well guess what? Most mages aren't so lucky!"

Marian stared at him, her mouth slightly agape. "Anders?" Her throat caught. Where was this coming from? She had been helping the Warden for months in his clinic. She helped get rid of cutpurses and bandits whenever they found out about a new gang. She had considered the man her friend. She was always trying to do the right thing. To do what her brother would never do without payment.

Anders glared at her. "I don't know why I even waste my breath. You're spoiled. You wouldn't last five minutes in the Circle." He turned from her and she felt as if he had struck her. She pushed the tears from her eyes and fled Darktown.

She had spent the rest of the day wandering around Lowtown, walking through the alienage and the markets and even past Gamlen's house. She thought on what Anders had said and wondered when he had started to resent her. Maybe the day he found out about the marriage. Maybe earlier.

When she finally returned to Hightown, she walked through the foyer and into the sitting room.

"Well there she is!" Marian looked up to see Isabela, Aveline, and Merrill standing in the sitting room.

"We've been waiting for you, Marian. We're supposed to take you out!" Merrill piped in excitedly.

Marian stared at all of them. "Not tonight." She said quietly and headed for the stairs. She didn't feel like drinking and playing cards tonight. Not with the wedding tomorrow and with what Anders had said weighing heavily on her mind.

"Not going to work this time." Aveline said taking her arm and turning her around towards the door to the estate. "It's the night before your wedding, and some traditions still stand."

Isabela laughed, "And to think, I almost didn't invite you, big girl."

"I would have found out anyway. You think I would let you be in charge of Marian's bachelorette party, whore?"

"Party?" Marian asked weakly, being ushered out the door by Aveline.

"Yes! Isn't it exciting? We don't have parties before weddings in the Dalish...I mean we have the wedding, which is kinda like a party...but we don't have pre-wedding parties...pre-party parties?"

"Shh, kitten." Isabela cooed, stroking Merrill's hair as they walked through dark Hightown.

"Where are we going?" Marian asked.

"Oh, right! Knew we were forgetting something." Isabela exclaimed and brought out a red scarf. "For your eyes, cupcake." She wrapped the scarf around Marian's head so she couldn't see anything.

* * *

"I...___hic_...have a confession to make." Marian said looking out at the water of the harbor from atop the Viscount's Keep.

Isabela laughed softly, scooting closer to Marian. "And what would that be, cupcake?"

Marian blushed and smiled shyly. "I...have never..." She took another drink and looked down at Hightown far below them and finished quietly, "been with a man."

She heard a small gasp and Isabela spit out her drink. She turned to see Aveline looking at her strangely and Merrill openly gaping at her. Isabela took a long drink before speaking. "How have I not heard this before? We have talked about men many, **many** times Marian and you are telling me you have never been with anyone?" Marian nodded.

"It's not that easy when you're an apostate with an overbearing brother. I never had the...opportunity."

"Then...is Cullen going to be your first?" Merrill asked shyly.

Aveline groaned. "Marian. Had I known..."

Marian surprised herself by laughing. She laughed until she was crying, rolling into a ball on the top of the roof and laughing hysterically. As she calmed down she wiped tears out of her eyes and glanced at her friends. They were all looking at her and Isabela had a small smile that lit up her eyes.

"So...going to give me some advice?" Marian asked with a grin.

"Maker, will I!" Isabela exclaimed and scooted even closer to Marian putting her arm around the mage. "We have things to discuss about your new husband, cupcake."


	9. Chapter 9

_Quick Author's Note: Since, to my knowledge, we still don't know anything about wedding traditions in Thedas this is just my interpretation of what could happen. Just in case people were wondering. AKA, it's not canon. Thank you all for reading!_

* * *

Chapter 9:

Marian woke up with a groan. There was a loud knock on her door followed by it being pushed rudely opened.

"Wake up, sister. You'd be late to your own wedding if we let you." Carver came into the room with a huge grin on his face.

Marian smirked as she sat up and rolled out of bed. She stumbled over to her younger brother and threw her arms around the Grey Warden. He laughed and picked her up, setting her straight.

"When did you get here? You got my letter?" Marian was smiling and put her hands up to her head trying to concentrate on casting a healing spell. She managed to take the edge off the migraine, but her head still pounded.

"I got here early this morning. And no sister, I didn't get your letter. I just decided to come visit Kirkwall and arrived conveniently on your wedding day." He grinned down at her and she smacked his arm playfully.

"You look good, Carver." She said truthfully, smiling up at him and trying to push the pain in her head aside. Carver looked like he had gained several pounds of pure muscle, most likely from practicing combat with the Grey Wardens. He also looked happier than Marian had ever seen him. Her head pounded and she wondered if she would have time to visit Anders before the wedding, then her heart ached as she remembered his words from the day before.

Carver laughed and there was a small knock at the door. Marian turned as her mother entered the room. "Carver." Leandra said, smiling at her younger son. She hugged him warmly and turned to her daughter. "So. Are you ready?"

Marian's heart raced and she felt the smile slide from her face.

Carver chuckled at her expression. "Cheer up sister. It's not like you're marrying a templar...oh wait." He shook his head and his smile faltered. "Maker, what is Garrett thinking?"

"He is doing what is best, Carver," Leandra said calmly. She looked at her daughter. "Now come on. It is time to get you ready."

* * *

A hush filled the Chantry and Garrett turned just as his mother reached him, beaming for the first time in years. Her cheeks were tinged pink and she smiled at her sons as she came to stand beside them. He waited with baited breath. He didn't like when things didn't go the way they were planned. And this wedding was anything but simple. He glanced at the wall of templars on the other side of the aisle from him. Cullen's templars. He tightened his jaw in anger.

The doors to the Chantry opened and Marian and Cullen walked through them, her hand resting lightly on his arm. Marian wore a light colored dress, he wasn't an expert on color but assumed it would be called off-white, with a blue ribbon wrapped securely around her waist. Her dark hair had two small braids that ran across each side of her head and joined to flow down her back with the rest of her loose hair. The plaited hair had small white flowers delicately entwined throughout.

The Knight-Captain wore a tunic of Chantry red with gold inlay. The symbol of the templars was embroidered on his chest, just in case his bride forgot who she was marrying. His trousers were black with gold trim up the side and he wore polished black boots. Meredith appeared to have deeper pockets than Garrett would have suspected. Interesting that the woman in question wouldn't even show up to her Knight-Captain's wedding she had all but hijacked from them. His contacts told him she suspected an assassination attempt if she came out of the Gallows. He sighed internally. That would only get worse. He had that feeling in his pit that told him one day he and the Knight-Commander were going to come to heads. It was the same feeling he had when he first heard about the Blight while training to become a templar. He had known the Blight was serious and knew he couldn't sit in Lothering while it raged only days away from their home. So he had left and joined the army. He would have taken the punishment for desertion had he prevailed. Most likely, it would have been a slap on the wrist. He had been far too valuable to the Chantry and their most promising recruit. They wouldn't have let him go so easily.

Garrett mentally shook himself out of his reverie and watched his sister and her groom ascend the steps to the Chantry and kneel in front of the Grand Cleric. The Grand Cleric thanked the people for assembling to witness the joining of Marian Hawke and the Knight-Captain. Garrett almost smiled. By the Maker, the Knight-Commander was doing an excellent job of reminding everyone that the Hawke family was marrying into the templar order. If the Grand Cleric didn't even use the man's name in the ceremony it would only be because Meredith told her not to. And Meredith arranging for Cullen to take Marian away from him, he ground his teeth. The woman was doing everything in her power to curb the rising power of the Hawkes...and he wouldn't have it.

The Grand Cleric began with the story of Andraste and her wedding to the Maker and that marriage was important to the Maker and his bride. She explained that the joining of two people in marriage was them affirming their belief in the Maker's guidance in their life. Garrett shifted from foot to foot, waiting for the ceremony to be over. Finally, the Grand Cleric blessed them and bid them rise with rings. Cullen took the rings from around his neck where they hung on a chain and gave them to Elthina. The woman smiled at him and blessed the rings and bid the Maker to watch as these two people gave themselves to each other. Then she gave Cullen one ring.

The Knight-Captain took Marian's hand. Garrett saw her wet her lips in nervousness and could almost see her slight form shaking. He slipped the ring on her finger and bent to kiss her knuckles. When he rose there was a small smile on the blasted man's face. Garrett dearly wished he could wipe it off for him. Marian's lips twitched and the Grand Cleric handed her the second ring. Marian took Cullen's hand and...did she just rub his palm? Garrett ground his teeth as his sister slipped the ring on the templar's finger and bent to kiss his knuckles. When she rose, the Grand Cleric announced them married in the eyes of the Maker and they turned to walk down the aisle. There was an exclamation of noise and Garrett heard a wolf-whistle, likely Isabela. He watched with hard eyes as the templar walked past them with his twin. _At least she's safe, _he thought..._for now._

* * *

They were ushered into a small room in the corridor of the Chantry to wait for their guests to file outside into the courtyard for the light reception. Marian's hands were white and she could barely breathe. How she had managed to walk down that aisle without tripping was a miracle performed by the Maker himself. Perhaps that alone was reason to believe he had graced their wedding. She glanced at Cullen. He was looking at the ground, his face still.

He glanced up at her, and his eyes looked uncertain. Like if he moved she might bolt. Worried, but beneath it was a warmth she had seen when he had put on her ring. Her ring. She stared down at the silver band as if it might explain what had just happened. She looked up when she heard a movement and Cullen was beside her. She just stared, dazed at this man, this...templar, who was now her husband.

Cullen gently took her ring hand and put it up to his lips. They were soft and she watched as he kissed each knuckle slowly. His fingers made soothing motions on her palm and his other hand came up to wrap around her waist. She felt blank. Surely she should have some response to this? Something witty to say to put herself at ease? Instead, she just felt her mind stay blank while her body warmed under his palm.

He pulled her closer to him and dipped his head, his face a bare inch from hers. He seemed to hesitate and then spoke quietly, his breath teasing her lips. "Tell me to stop, Marian. Tell me you do not want me the way I want you and I will never ask this of you." His husky voice sent shivers down her spin.

"Don't stop." She whimpered.

She saw a small smile and then his lips were on hers. The restraint he might have had at the Gallows and in the sitting room was gone. His hands wound around her, pulling her against him. One hand grasped her firmly while the other snaked into her hair to tilt her head, giving him better access to her lips. She made a small noise at the heat rushing through her body and he made a low growl in the back of his throat, the sound making his lips hum against hers. He deepened the kiss and pushed open her mouth with his lips. She gasped when she felt his tongue sweep into her mouth and he held her tighter as if expecting her to resist or try to push him off. He kissed her like a man starved for months or without water, as if she was the only thing in that room or his world.

The door opened and Cullen broke the kiss, pulling slightly away from her, but not jumping away as he had at the estate. ___Because you're his wife now _a small voice in her head whispered and her heart raced at the thought.

"Your guests are ready for you." A Chantry sister said politely from the door.

Cullen nodded and looked down at Marian. He smiled, the warmth in his hazel eyes taking her breath away. He bent to give her a light kiss and stepped back taking her hand and leading her out the door toward their reception.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

"Now really, brother. Be serious. What are the Wardens really like?" Marian asked, smiling at her younger brother seated next to her. They had finished dinner and she was now trying to get her brother to talk about his adventures in Ferelden with the great Hero of Ferelden. He was so far avoiding answering any of her questions. Deflecting all with humor she hadn't seen before. Maybe life with the Grey Wardens had given her brother a new sense of humor. Maker knows he could use it.

He laughed. "I'm telling you sister. The Warden Commander is ten-feet tall with a beard going down to his knees. And they say he has lovers across all of Thedas. He's a hard man, but always has a joke to tell. Truthfully, Varric would love him."

Marian smacked her brother lightly, "That's not even slightly what I've heard." She glanced around to see Varric and Isabela playing cards with a group of templars, Isabela looked like she was winning, though Varric was in a close second. Garrett was talking to a group of nobles that had shown up and her mother was standing there nodding and smiling. The wedding hadn't been a complete disaster then.

"Marian." She turned to see Cullen looking at her, the edges of his mouth tilted slightly and his hazel eyes filled with warmth. He held out his hand to her and rose from his chair. "Would you care to dance with me?"

She heard Carver laugh and gave him a scolding look before smiling up at her new husband and taking his hand. "Of course." While they had spoken only a little during dinner, mostly over what kind of foods they preferred, Marian hadn't been able to wipe the smile off her face when they did. Cullen, like her, preferred hearty Ferelden meals and was occasionally tired of the same old Kirkwall food served in the Gallows. She wondered if perhaps she could get a few recipes for old Ferelden classics to make. Maybe he would enjoy them.

They made their way to the small dance floor and fell into an easy step. Cullen put one arm around her waist while the other held her hand. She couldn't keep from grinning at him. As they began to move Marian tried desperately to remember all the dancing lessons her mother had given her and Bethany. They had seemed silly, really when they were a pair of farm girls living in Lothering, but perhaps Leandra had always hoped her daughters might marry well. It would have been pure fantasy given that they were both mages, but Marian felt her heart pinch at the thought of how happy Bethany would have been to see her get married.

Cullen leaned in and whispered next to her ear, "I have a surprise for you."

Marian's heart raced and all thoughts of her sister left as she grinned and felt heat swell in her body. "A surprise?" She managed, trying to keep her voice light though knowing it came out more strangled.

Cullen laughed. It was a glorious thing, a rumble in his chest that reverberated through her as they danced and made her giddy with happiness. "Yes, a surprise. Though, I have to show you. And I had to promise your brother it wouldn't be until after the reception." His eyes twinkled down at her. "Perhaps we could put that blue ribbon to use while we are at it."

Her face flushed and Marian's eyes grew twice as large. Cullen chuckled and gave her a light kiss on the lips. "But that's for later." He whispered and her dress was far too tight. And when had the air gotten so thick and hard to breathe in?

Cullen's hand was moving slowly from her waist around her back when the world fell apart.

There was a loud explosion past the Chantry courtyard. Cullen's hands reacted. Pulling her to him and putting his body between hers and the explosion. Shock ran through Marian. The magic from the explosion ran through her veins making her well aware that someone had performed a powerful spell and not very far away. Cullen was tense as he held her and she could feel him on high alert as his eyes scanned the courtyard quickly. Every templar that had been in the area would be searching for the culprit. And there had been plenty of templars at her wedding.

Marian's ears rang in the aftermath and she watched as people were getting up and running. Cullen moved, pulling back from her, his eyes scanning.

"Are you hurt?" He asked. His voice was curt and authoritative. She shook her head, still dazed.

"Knight-Captain?" Two templars were beside them.

"Sweep the courtyard. Don't go far. If you see suspects don't pursue. Get me two men to escort Hawke and their guests home safely." Cullen let her go reluctantly, his eyes still looking worriedly at her. But then Garrett and Carver were there as well as several others. Her mother was asking in a small voice about what had happened.

"Are you hurt?" Carver asked, touching his sister's arm gently.

Marian turned to him and shook her head. "What happened?" She asked, quietly looking around the courtyard and watching as her guests were ushered out by the many templars that had been there.

Carver shook his head. "I don't know. But something tells me it involves magic." Marian looked into her younger brother's eyes and nodded very slightly. She saw him look around worriedly.

Cullen was giving his men orders in a low voice. One of them handed him a sword which he strapped on.

The Knight-Captain turned back to them and she noticed several of her other companions were standing around her, including Varric and Isabela, both looking far more serious than they had just moments before. Cullen nodded to Garrett. "There is trouble. My men will take you home." Garrett stared at the templar and Marian could almost see the invisible battle of wills. Garrett would never allow men to escort him home. He would fight through armies himself, bare-handed if he had to.

Cullen's eyes darted to Marian and Garrett finally shrugged. The templar nodded to his men and with one final glance at Marian left the courtyard.

"Come on." Garrett growled leading the large group out of the Chantry courtyard. Marian gave one final glance at what had been her wedding reception and vaguely wondered who had decided it was a good time to make explosions.

* * *

Marian stared at her glass. ___Glass_. Her mother had tried to make the wedding such a big occasion. She never drank alcohol out of a glass. There had indeed been a few nobles there if Marian remembered correctly. She also remembered her mother saying that morning while drawing a comb through her hair that this wedding would finally put the Hawke family on the map. That perhaps nobles would start taking them seriously now.

Marian snorted into her glass as she drank from it. Was this her fifth, sixth, twelfth glass? She had lost count. Varric and Isabela had been able to sneak back to the courtyard, past the templars standing guard, and somehow managed to bring back the liquor and some of the food, including her wedding cake. Marian looked over at the mass of red and gold that was half eaten, half destroyed by the rowdy group.

She doubted any noble would be taking the Hawke family serious any day soon. Her wedding had been ___disrupted_. That was the nice word. She had others that weren't so nice for the people that had done the disrupting.

Her mind wandered to the news they had heard briefly. That there had been apostates. That they had made some commotion and the templars were pursuing. It was a rich joke that an apostate's wedding to the Knight-Captain was interrupted by those of her kind. She wondered vaguely if Anders had planned this or if he was involved. Perhaps to get back at her for marrying a templar. She sighed and prayed that he was safe, even if his words had been harsh.

"What's up, cupcake?" Isabela asked plopping into the chair next to her.

Marian looked up at the pirate and shrugged. "Not what I expected, I suppose."

Isabela laughed. "It never does work out that way, sweet thing."

She shook her head. "No. I mean." She gestured around wildly, "I'm an apostate, Isabela."

The pirate smirked, "You are? Well, I wish you had told me earlier. Probably wasn't the best idea to let you marry that dashing templar now was it?"

"That's the point! I'm an apostate...and right now, Cullen...the Knight-Captain. He's out there hunting apostates. He's out there hunting people...just like me!" Her eyes were wide and for the first time she realized just how bad of an idea this had been.

For a second Isabela's eyes held sadness in them before she put on a wider smile. "You'll be fine, cupcake. He's ___your _templar remember? Besides, they probably won't catch the apostates anyway. From everything we know about the templars in Kirkwall, they aren't very good at their job."

Marian sighed, nodded absently, and went back to drinking.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

Marian was into her umpteenth glass by the time Aveline walked in. The guard captain had left after the explosion to evacuate the area and do damage control. Her reports were the only thing they had on the situation.

The guard captain came in and took Garrett aside to speak to him in a low whisper. Marian watched her brother's face darken. He nodded curtly as Aveline finished.

Marian got up and walked over to them, unsteadily. She was tired of always being left in the dark by her brother. "What happened?" She asked, louder than anticipated.

Garrett looked at her. His dark eyes void of any expression, but she could see the burning anger beneath them. She was always able to see the emotions her twin hid from the rest of the world.

"Nothing," Garrett said coldly. Aveline glanced at him.

"She has a right to know." The guard captain frowned at the warrior.

"Tell me." Marian heard footsteps behind her as she spoke and Carver came to stand by her side.

Her twin shook his head, but Aveline spoke. "The templars caught the apostates that caused the disturbance in the market..."

"Stop," Garrett growled.

"I want to know!" Marian shouted at her brother. She looked at Aveline, pleading with her eyes. The guard captain paused and Marian asked in a mere whisper, "Was Anders there?"

The guard captain shook her head. "We can thank the Maker for small miracles, I guess. There were four of them. We believe they were part of some underground mage resistance. Maybe the explosion was meant to be in the Chantry, or to scare the templars at your wedding. The templars caught up to them in Darktown and they refused to go with them to the Gallows...so the templars attacked...None survived."

The room felt very cold and Marian hadn't realized she swayed until Carver's hands steadied her. Her throat was dry and the room was spinning. Her brother's hands tightened on her to keep her up.

"Marian?" Aveline asked concerned.

"And you wondered why I might keep this from her." Garrett growled savagely at the guard captain. He took a step toward the woman. "Next time don't question my judgment." He turned and Marian watched his hard face. Her mind was blank for the second time that day. She felt cold and sick. She thought she might throw up. Her mind kept going over everything that had happened that day. All the smiles between her and Cullen. The kisses. The dancing.

She had forgotten that beneath all of that he was a templar. And a templar's job was to eliminate mages when they were a threat. And what was to stop him from thinking she was a threat?

Garrett's arms were around her before she could process what was happening and she was being carried up the stairs.

* * *

It was well into the night by the time Cullen reached the Hawke estate. He stood outside the door wondering whether he should go inside or just go home...to the empty house by the docks. He sighed and felt his stomach drop a little. Of all days, why did the mages decided to do something so...stupid? What had they hoped to gain? It had been shabbily planned. And somehow he didn't believe the four apostates from Darktown had been behind the whole thing. If only they hadn't fought...

He pushed open the door to the estate and heard voices coming from the back. He headed toward them. The door to the dining room was open and Cullen hesitated in the frame.

Garrett was sitting at the table, drinking quietly. Several of his companions were at one end playing a card game while some were speaking in a group on the far side of the room. Marian was not in the room. Cullen wondered whether to leave the group or ask where Marian is. Maybe he would be lucky and they wouldn't have heard the news. Unlikely.

Garrett's head came up and he glared at Cullen. He stood slowly and Cullen saw the others turn in his direction.

"Hawke," Cullen said, nodding at the warrior. Garrett was striding toward him, cold fury kept barely in check.

"Knight-Captain." Hawke growled out. "I think we need to speak about the events of today." Hawke was gesturing toward his study when there was a commotion at the back of the room. Cullen turned to see the younger Hawke striding toward them.

"That's it, brother. You're just going to let him off, aren't you? Don't dare question your _allies_, right?" Carver came to stand a few feet from Cullen and he took a step back. While Garrett's anger was always cold and distant, the younger Hawke's was practically palpable. Cullen could feel the heat coming off the Grey Warden and he glanced from one brother to the other.

"Carver. Leave it be. This is none of your concern," Garrett said tensely.

Carver barked a laugh. "None of my concern? She's my sister too. If you think I'm going to stand here and let you get away..."

"I'm doing what is best!" Garrett growled, shoving Carver back.

"You've never done what was best! Marian always did that, and then you took the credit! Don't think I don't know what's really happening here, Garrett. I'm not some naïve boy in your shadow anymore!" Carver and Garrett were nose to nose, the tension thick in the room.

Cullen cleared his throat hoping to get Garrett away from his younger brother. He had no doubt Carver would put up a good fight, but his brother could seriously hurt him if they came to blows. "I need to speak to Hawke. Everything else can wait."

Carver rounded on Cullen and before the templar had time to react the Grey Warden had taken two steps and punched him in the nose. Cullen was forced back by the blow, his hand coming up to where his nose was now bleeding.

"That's for my sister you nug-humping bastard!" Carver shouted. Cullen looked up to see Garrett and the elf wrestling Carver away. He gingerly moved his nose with his finger and winced. It was broken.

Carver was taken into another room and Garrett came back. He looked down at Cullen.

"You should go," Garrett said curtly.

Cullen felt anger course through him. He had no idea where that animosity had come from. He glared at the older Hawke. "I want to see Marian." He barely contained his anger as he spoke.

The warrior watched him for a few minutes. Cullen imagined the blood on his face made for a ghastly sight. Finally, he nodded. "Fine. But she might be asleep."

Cullen nodded and followed him up the stairs and to one of the rooms on the landing. Outside the door Garrett turned to him. "My brother is...spirited. And he cares deeply for my sister. I may not agree with your methods, but from the reports I can tell you did what you had to. You will, however, remember that my sister is not some apostate on the street. Should you ever feel the need to treat her as one...Well, you remember my threat well enough, Knight-Captain." He gave Cullen a hard look that made Cullen wonder for the second time since meeting Garrett if he would leave this house alive. Garrett nodded as if some understanding had been reached and left Cullen outside his sister's door.

* * *

Marian stared down at the ring in her hand. It was a simple silver band. There was a small etching on it that she hadn't noticed earlier. On the inside of the band it read ___May the Maker's Light guide you_.

She found it confusing, but supposed it was to be expected that Chantry sentiments would end up on a ring given to her by a templar. She sighed and turned the ring in her hand. After sitting alone for some time her mind had started to clear. Perhaps she shouldn't have drank so much after getting back to the estate. Maybe she would have taken the news that her new husband had just killed four apostates a little better.

But she hadn't. When she had finally been carried to her room she had been consumed by rage. She didn't remember ever being so furious. She had yelled, growled, hit, cursed and even in one instant her magic had reared up before being stripped quickly by Garrett who told her she was acting like a child. Well she could still throw things. At least until she had thrown up and Garrett had left her to wallow in her thoughts and own self-pity.

There was a small knock on the door and it was pushed open. Marian glanced up and her insides dropped to the floor. Cullen stood in the doorway looking uncomfortably around the room. He glanced at her and then away.

She just stared at him. There was blood on his face that he had clearly smeared everywhere while trying to wipe it away and she briefly wondered what had happened. Had one of the apostates gotten an upper hand for a moment? Marian knew she wasn't ready to speak to him. She had still been trying to collect her scattered thoughts. Anger welled up in her again, but she pushed it down. It would be much worse if she took her anger out on her new templar husband and not her ex-templar brother.

He cleared his throat and avoided looking at her. "I wanted to make sure you were safe." Cullen said quietly into the room while he stood in the doorway.

Marian had no desire to say anything so she nodded dimly and returned her gaze to the ring. Did the Maker's light guide templars? Did the Maker guide the templars to the apostates earlier? Was he trying to tell her what could have been her? Or was this all some sick joke of his?

"Marian," Cullen's voice was strained. "Please. I-I had no choice. They attacked us." She glanced at him and saw he was looking at the floor in front of him.

"So you killed them?" Her voice was cold. She was surprised. Perhaps she had learned too much from her brother.

He closed his eyes briefly. "I had no choice."

Marian shook her head in disgust. "So that's it. They resist your _prison_ so you kill them? How is it I am still alive then? I have been resisting templars my whole life."

Cullen looked at her, confused. "You have never attacked me, or any templar."

She snorted, her eyes hard. "And if I did? If I did attack you? You would put me down like some rabid dog!?" She got up and stormed toward him. He looked uncertainly at her, but stood his ground.

"Marian. Be reasonable. They were attacking my men. I could not stand by while they put innocent lives in danger."

"Innocent lives! They put templars in danger, no one else! And only because you likely _cornered_ them!" She yelled at him, now only a foot away. Somewhere during the day he had put on his templar armor again.

He stared down at her, not moving. Finally, with a tight jaw he spoke. "How quickly you forget that they used magic just outside the Chantry courtyard. It was likely some attempt to harm the templars at our wedding. What if they had succeeded? What if they had managed that explosion in the courtyard? What if...what if you had been hurt?...They were putting plenty of people's lives in danger then. And when we pursued, they went into Darktown hoping the poor would shield them. We gave them a choice. They chose to attack us. There were people around, not just my templars." His eyes hardened. "I protect the people of Kirkwall, Marian, from mages, and any threat."

Marian looked down, she felt sick and angry. Her whole body was hot with anger and she knew better than to let it unleash. Then **she** would be the threat. "Get out," She said hotly.

He hesitated only a moment before turning on his heel and leaving her alone again.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

"Letter for you, Messere." Bodahn put the letter on Hawke's desk and scurried out of the study.

He sighed and picked it up, ripping through the wax seal.

_Serah,_

_ There have been some interesting whispers of late..._

He groaned and leaned back in his chair when he finished the letter. Maker, Marian wasn't going to like this. He prayed that she saw reason and that he didn't have to resort to anything too brutal. She might not forgive him if he did. Then again...it was his sister. He never could predict how she would handle things.

* * *

"But Mother...this isn't fair." Marian growled while her mother pulled the brush through her newly cleansed tresses. She had been unceremoniously thrown in the tub earlier that morning while her mother washed her hair.

"Shhh. It's time you went outside. If I have to drag you out myself," Leandra said to her struggling daughter.

"I don't care what you want. Leave me in peace." She huffed folding her arms and pouting slightly.

"You are acting a child. And you have done enough moping for a lifetime."

Marian ground her teeth. She was tired of people calling her a child. "May I remind you that I was married off to a templar who immediately went off and killed-"

"Killed four apostates. Yes, we have all heard the story daughter. And frankly, I am bored of it."

"How can you-!"

"Because," Leandra spun her daughter to look her in the eye. "Because your brother goes to a lot of trouble to keep you safe. And tell me daughter, what do you think people have been saying about your odd behavior since your wedding? Hmm? About the fact that you have holed yourself up in this estate for two weeks and haven't even spoken to the man you married? Well I shall tell you." She spun her daughter back around and began brushing through her hair again. "They say it is so very strange that you would avoid your new husband so adamantly. They think it odd that you continue to live here when he has a house of his own. They are beginning to wonder if this wasn't the marriage of love they were told. And that...is not something we want."

Marian's stomach dropped. "What do you expect me to do, Mother? He killed mages, apostates, people just like me. That's his _job_. How am I supposed to trust him, or forgive him for the countless crimes he has done against mages? You want me to forgive him and forget it ever happened?!"

Leandra sighed. "First of all, I believe the Knight-Captain's _job_ is to protect people from dangerous mages. Like the mages who decided your wedding was a convenient time to make explosions. And people could have been injur-"

"Mother, I'm a dangerous mage!"

Leandra spun her daughter around again. "Marian, stop this! You are not those apostates. In fact, you don't even know those apostates names nor have you ever met them."

"I would know their names if Garrett hadn't burned the report Aveline sent over!"

"Because it is high time you put the whole thing behind you." She looked her daughter in the eye. The Amell chin coming up which told Marian she wouldn't be getting anywhere with her mother today. "From everything your brother has told me, he trusts Cullen. That should be enough for you. And I think it is time I gave you some advice my mother once parted on me." Leandra gently turned Marian back around. She squeezed her shoulders. "You know that I was once engaged to marry a man I did not love. It was arranged, like your marriage was. I wasn't happy about it. My mother told me that it did not matter whether I loved the man I married, only that I tried to understand him. She said that if I could do that, love would follow."

Marian sat silent and let her mother finish her hair. When it was put up in a bow on the top of her head she finally spoke, trying to keep the annoyance out of her voice and failing. "I don't think I can understand a templar. And I don't care if I come to love him."

"You may be very thankful one day that you have a man so willing to protect you."

"I can protect myself," Marian said defensively.

"For how long, daughter? Everyone needs people they can count on come hard times, even your brother."

Marian watched as her mother went to her wardrobe and pulled out a light green dress. She came back and helped Marian into it.

She looked at herself in the looking glass. "Where are we going, Mother?" She asked quietly at last. A walk around the market wouldn't be too stressful. And it was true she hadn't been outside in days.

"I am not going anywhere, daughter. You are going to your new house."

Marian turned and gaped at her mother. "You can't be serious?"

"I am. Garrett told me I was to try to convince you and if I couldn't...then he will throw your things out tonight." Leandra looked unsettled for a moment before looking at her daughter with an impatient expression. Like she was supposed to just accept the way things had turned out and never argue. She obviously didn't know her daughter very well.

"What!? I thought he was furious about this 'templar house' thing." Her brother had told her about Cullen's house a few days after the disaster wedding. Marian had been furious that the two of them had kept it from her. Garrett had told her he wasn't keen on the idea of her living alone with a templar and that he thought it some plot of Meredith's though he did not yet know why. Marian suspected her brother didn't want her living with _another_ templar.

"He was at first. Now he believes it is for the best."

"Best?" Marian spat the word out. How long would her brother continue to say he did what was best?

Leandra nodded. She walked up to her daughter and looked her in the eye. "I suggest you make your peace with your husband before you move in, Marian. It will be better for you in the long run."

Marian stared at her mother as Leandra turned and left her daughter's room.

* * *

Cullen walked up to the front of his house and paused. Sitting slumped against the door was a dark-haired mage he would recognize anywhere. "Marian?" He asked, walking up to her.

She opened her eyes and looked up at him, making him stop his approach. Her eyes were red rimmed and from this close he could smell the alcohol on her.

"What happened?" He asked with concern. He hadn't seen her since the wedding. Hawke's note a week ago had told him not to worry and that his sister would calm down soon.

Cullen had been angry the night of the wedding. He had wanted her to understand, to see why templars were needed. He had wanted her to see that he had only been protecting her. But he should have expected her to react in such a way and he should have handled it better. Not seeing her the last two weeks had been torture for him, but he had decided after leaving the Hawke estate the night of the wedding to wait for her to make the first move this time. It appeared her first move was to arrive thoroughly drunk on his doorstep.

"Garrett kicked me out." Marian pouted and pulled herself up, swaying on her feet.

He sighed. His last note from the warrior had said he would resort to drastic measures soon. Though he supposed it was too much to ask for a head's up from the man.

"Do you-" Cullen gestured toward the door, "want to come in?" Maker this was not at all what he had expected when she came to his house for the first time. He had at least thought she would be sober.

Marian looked at him skeptically and finally sighed and nodded.

He walked up to the door and slid his key in, turning it and swinging the door open for her. She glanced at him and lumbered through it.

He came in behind her and locked the door. Turning, he saw that she was looking around the sitting room. "It's small," She said, frowning.

His stomach dropped a little but he tried not to show his hurt expression. He should have realized she had gotten used to living in a large estate and might not want to live in his small house. To him it was huge, larger than any living quarters he had ever stayed in.

"It has three bedrooms, I've converted one to a study, a dining room through there and a kitchen in the back. I guess...it is smaller than your brother's estate."

Marian nodded and glanced to the stairs. "Bedrooms upstairs?"

He nodded.

"I j-just want to put this miserable day behind me." Her words were slurred slightly and she walked to the stairs. He watched her, not knowing what he should do or say. They were married and yet had barely spoken to each other. He had thought at the wedding that they might finally be able to get to know each other, but the day's events had ruined that. And now he found her completely drunk and attempting to climb the stairs of his house. He sighed. This is not what he imagined when he agreed to marry the wild apostate. And he suspected, somewhere in this, it was Hawke's fault.

She was on the fifth step when she tripped. Cullen watched her crash against the stairs and ran to her. "Marian!" He shouted reaching the step she was on and bending down. She rolled onto her back and just stared at the ceiling. A small trickle of blood ran down her forehead. "Are you alright?" He asked gently.

She looked at him, dazed, then shook her head and tears started to well in her eyes.

"Marian," He said gently. She turned her head from him. Not knowing what to do, but wanting desperately to comfort her, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her towards him. "Shh." He whispered as her body wracked with sobs. He wasn't sure what to do with a crying woman or for that matter why she was crying. Was she that injured? Or was it merely self-pity? Maker, help him. Finally, he decided the best thing would be to get her somewhere more comfortable than the stairs.

Cullen lifted her easily and carried her up the rest of the steps.

"Y-you're cold. And h-hard." Marian sputtered out in his arms her hand pressing slightly against his breastplate as she tried to stay her distance from him even while she was in his arms. "Just like your armor."

He closed his eyes; his heart felt like it had been stabbed. He wondered briefly if he would find blood when he took his armor off. That perhaps she had somehow performed magic to rip his heart out even while he still felt it beating. He walked down the corridor with leaden feet and reached the master bedroom. The door pushed open easily and he gently put her down on the bed.

"Should I get someone to look at your head?" He asked quietly. He didn't know what else to say, or do.

"No." Marian turned her back on him in the bed. "I won't ever understand."

"Understand what?"

She shook her head. "I don't want to understand." She barely whispered.

Cullen stared down at her. At his wife. At the woman he...cared for so greatly. It hurt more than he could possibly have imagined to be so rejected by her. He felt physically in pain. His heart was in pain and his eyes were hot. When he realized she would say no more he nodded dimly and turned to leave the room.


	13. Chapter 13

_Author's Note: Since this is the first chapter that has additional content posted on AO3 (archiveofourown .org I added the spaces because this site won't let me post a link!) I am reminding everyone that explicit content will be posted there. There is an accompanying story on AO3 that is tangent to this chapter about Garrett and Isabela. It doesn't further plot, but if people are interested I am including a link. Story here - /works/815283 (ugh ok so its archiveofourown works/815283 I added spaces so readers could see. If anyone knows how to get around that I would positively love you if you let me know) _

* * *

Chapter 13:

There were few times in her life that Marian actually hated herself. This was one. She had never felt more despicable than she did waking up the next morning. When her memories of the previous night finally came back she cried. Not because she pitied herself, but because she had never been more terrible to another person. And no one, not even a blasted templar, deserved to be treated the way she had treated Cullen.

She didn't know what had come over her. After her mother had told her she would have to leave the estate she had gone to Garrett. That had been one of her worst ideas. He had raged at her and told her if she didn't go live with Cullen he would personally see that the templar came to 'fetch her' off his hands. He had said other things as well. Things about how she wouldn't be a burden to him any longer. She had felt so sick she had fled the estate before realizing she had nowhere to go.

Everyone she would have turned to was her brother's ally. Isabela, Fenris, Varric, even Sebastian would likely tell her that she needed to make amends with her templar husband. She would have gone to Aveline, but the guard captain was always busy and she knew the woman would have only gone off at Garrett and made things worse. Feeling more alone than she had ever felt, Marian had sat in a bar by the docks and drank until she couldn't see straight. Thoughts of Bethany and her father and everyone she had lost in Lothering had gone through her head while she drank. She had even thought about how she lost Anders. How he had been the one thing in Kirkwall she thought was hers and not her brother's. They had even flirted. Maker knows she had thought there might be something between them. But he had hated her all along. He had proved that the day before her wedding. What he would think of her now? He had called her selfish, hadn't he? Well she had only proved him right. Marian groaned.

Once night had started to fall she had finally scrambled out of the bar and walked to where she knew Cullen's house was by the accounts her brother had given her.

After finally healing her massive migraine with a lot of concentration and small doses of healing magic, Marian looked around the room she had woken up in. The room he had put her in. His room. She wondered where he had slept. That made her feel worse. She had kicked the man out of his own room. She felt sick with herself. The room was large. Larger than her room had been back at the estate. Her brother had taken the largest room, of course. Cullen's room had windows on two sides and a small balcony on one side of the room. It had a fireplace against one wall and a door leading to the latrine on another. She got up and wandered toward the balcony. Opening the windowed door to it she walked outside. It looked out over the harbor and bay. She could see a clear view of the water and the Gallows. She stared at the prison and shivered. Not exactly a sight she would enjoy waking up to everyday.

___Everyday_. That was not a word she wanted to think of. She looked around the room. There were two large wardrobes and beside one was an armor stand. ___For his templar armor_, she thought. The armor stand was empty now. He had likely left for the Gallows ages ago.

She went to the wardrobe beside the armor stand and opened it. Inside were tunics and trousers. All neatly hung or folded. There were several pairs of black boots of varying fanciness at the bottom of the wardrobe. She leaned toward the clothes and breathed in the scent of the templar. It was the same leather and oil scent she had smelled before. It was distinctly, him.

She closed the doors and looked down at herself. Her green dress was ruined. She sighed and tried to smooth out the wrinkles but knew it wouldn't help.

Marian walked out of the master bedroom and looked at the hallway leading to the stairs. There were two doors on her left. She opened the first to see a small study, she remembered him mentioning that the night before. She tried to squash the feeling of pain she felt when remembering the previous night. He had been so kind to her. It was not something she was used to. And she had lashed out. She sighed and ran her hand across the books on the shelf. There were quite a few religious texts, but also a few stories she recognized. She walked to the old wooden desk under the window. Glancing out the window she saw it was the same view of the harbor and Gallows. She looked down at the desk. There were quills and parchment neatly piled on it. Each thing seemed to have a proper place.

She left the room and walked down the hall to the next room. She pushed it open to see a small bedroom with a small bed and wardrobe. Seeing neatly piled clothes on the bed she realized Cullen had slept in here the night before. She sighed and walked into the room. She sat on the small bed and played with the clothes next to her.

_Cullen_. She had hurt him last night. She knew that. She had been hurting him every day since their wedding. And she hadn't cared to see it. And even after showing up, drunk, on his door step. The man had been polite to her, he had helped her, had only been kind to her. She put her head in her hands. _Kind_. Not a word she knew much of. Garrett was rarely kind to her. Carver was joking and rough, but he loved her. Though rarely would she say either of her brothers were kind. Her mother...Leandra had been far away since they arrived in Kirkwall. Bethany had been her favorite. Everyone had known that. And Leandra blamed them all for Bethany's death. But she especially blamed Garrett and her. Because they should have protected Bethany. Because Maker knows she should have protected her baby sister better. Her mother would always blame them for losing her favorite child.

But Cullen, he had only wanted to help her. He had only cared for her. He hadn't gone through with the wedding because of her brother. She knew that. She knew it because she remembered the smiles he gave her, the heated kiss in the Chantry, the way he had put himself between her and the explosion. Cullen only ever wanted to be kind to her. And she hadn't been able to see it. She hadn't been able to accept that until the truth slapped her across the face this morning with a note. A blasted note set gently on the nightstand. The first thing she saw when she woke up.

___I hope you are well this morning and your head feels better. I will speak to your brother about getting you back to your estate. He should not have done what he did. I will help you in whatever way I can. I promise._

___ -Cullen_

She pulled the note out and clutched it in her hand. Even after everything. After all the horrible things she had said and done, he still wanted to help her.

Tears welled up in her eyes, but she pushed them down. She made up her mind then. Getting up from the bed she looked down at the letter. She would make it up to him. She wasn't sure if she could forgive what he was. But maybe her mother was right. Perhaps she could come to understand that beneath the burning sword he was a kind man. And maybe that was enough.

Marian made her way downstairs and found herself in the small sitting room. It was pleasant. There were several chairs around the fire place with a small table in front of them. She walked into the dining room and saw a long table that could seat eight with chairs around it. She smiled and walked past it into the kitchen. She would make it up to Cullen if it was the last thing she did.

* * *

Cullen stood in the Gallows Courtyard watching the shadows. When he had first arrived in Kirkwall he had spent the first several weeks just watching the sun cast shadows on the courtyard. He had learned what the shadows told him about time. In Ferelden they didn't have sun or shadows. There were only dark corridors and bad memories. He had been surprised when he first arrived by the amount of time he got to spend outside, in the sun. He even found his skin had tanned slightly and dark freckles had formed in various places across his skin.

He watched the shadow in the courtyard and knew he would soon have his break. After his break, he would go to his office and prepare reports on the men for the Knight-Commander and then he would drill a few of the younger recruits that needed extra training. Then...then he supposed he would go home. He frowned at the shadows. He wasn't sure really what to do. He had sent Garrett a message earlier that day, but hadn't heard back from the warrior. He supposed if he didn't hear back he would have to go home and tell Marian...if she was even still there. Maybe she just left? She could leave the city after all. He tried to wipe away the pain that caused him.

"Good afternoon, Knight-Captain." Cullen looked up quickly and stared at the image in front of him.

Marian Hawke stood before him, smiling up at him and holding a small basket in her hand. He blinked several times wondering when the illusion would disappear. But it stayed and he swallowed before speaking. "Marian. What are you doing here?"

She grinned. "I was in the area and thought I would see how you were doing."

"You...were in the area?" He realized this was a repeat of a conversation they had once had and wondered if he had fallen asleep on duty. Meredith wouldn't be happy.

Marian laughed. "Yes. Ok fine. You caught me. I came to see you." She brought up the basket to her eye level. "I brought you this."

He glanced warily at the basket. "It isn't poisoned, is it?" He asked before he could stop himself.

A flash of anger crossed her eyes. "Yes. I decided to poison my templar husband in broad daylight with a basket of freshly baked biscuits. Happy? Now you've ruined my plot."

His lips twitched. "I am afraid your devious plots need working on, my wife."

Her eyes widened and he blushed and looked away. Where by holy Andraste had that come from? Sure, he sometimes referred to Marian by that title in his head, but he never would have thought to let it slip. After a moment he felt her cross the distance and turned.

She looked up at him, basket in one hand and her other coming to rest on his breastplate. Her blue eyes so stunning he wanted to swim in them and be lost. "Husband." She whispered.

A shiver ran through him. She reached up on her toes and he stiffened.

"No." He barely breathed and she blinked at him, surprised, before blushing and taking a quick step back.

"Oh," She said quietly, her hand brushing aside hair that had fallen in her face.

He stepped closer and leaned down. Not wanting anyone to hear him. "Marian, I don't want you to think...to think that you need to do ___that_." She glanced at him before looking down again. He sighed and continued, "I thought I made it clear at our wedding that I would never ask you to...do what you didn't want to. I won't have you think that about me." He straightened and looked down at her. He tried to calm his racing heart. Maker give him strength to stay strong for if she tried again he wasn't sure he would stop her.

She refused to meet his gaze and only looked at the ground, playing idly with the basket.

"May I have the basket?" He asked softly. "If you still want to give it to me, that is?"

She nodded and handed it to him without looking. He sighed and as she turned to go he caught her arm gently. "You know how I feel about you." Her quick glance told him she did. "I-I can't in good conscience do anything while I know you don't feel the same." He had decided this the previous night. He couldn't live with himself if he thought Marian was only showing him affection because she thought she needed to.

Marian nodded and he let her go. She paused, clearly deciding whether to speak. Finally, she looked up at him. "I-I know...that it may be difficult or-or impossible for me to understand what a templar does and why, but...just know I will try." She looked at him. Her blue eyes taking his breath away. "I know you are a good man, Cullen." She smiled shyly. "I will see you tonight when you get home." And with that she walked away.

As his unconscious eyes watched her swaying hips he groaned and knew she would be the death of him.

* * *

Isabela had given Marian great advice on how to placate an angry husband.

"I don't think he's really angry," Marian said uncertainly.

Isabela waved her off. "Doesn't really matter. It'll work for anything upsetting him. Just ask him about his day. Pretend you care. Pretend to listen. Smile. Just simper all over him. Believe me. It'll placate him alright." The pirate said slightly annoyed.

"Isabela?" Marian asked. "Is something wrong?"

Isabela shook her head and gave Marian a large smile. "Of course not, cupcake."

Marian sat in the empty house and watched the sun go down through the windows. Cullen would be home soon. She was nervous. She didn't really know why. It wasn't like they were going to ___do_anything. He had made that very clear today at the Gallows. She hadn't told Isabela about that. Mostly because Marian hadn't wanted to deal with the pirate's shock and because she knew why he had done it.

It just confused her more though. She knew Cullen liked her. Maybe even more than liked her. And the one time she tried to kiss him, he rejected her. She had wanted to see if the same feelings came back. If he could make her feel the same as he had on their wedding day. She wished she could believe he had done it to spite her, but she knew he was too good of a man for that.

No, Cullen wanted her to want him too. It was an odd thought. And not one she heard of often. From everything she had learned from Isabela and both her brother's exploitations, men usually had one thing on their mind and didn't care how they got it. But...but Cullen did care.

She sighed and cursed herself for having the one man in Thedas who seemed to care about her feelings.

Marian heard the lock click and she jumped up. Nervousness rushed through her and she began to shake slightly.

Cullen walked through the door and saw her. He stopped and looked around before closing the door and locking it. He walked in sheepishly and glanced at her.

Marian beamed at him. "I'm glad you're home." She said truthfully.

He nodded and cleared his throat. "The biscuits were much appreciated."

She chuckled. "I'm glad you liked them. I'm not much of a cook, but my mother attempted to impart some semblance of cooking skills to her children."

Cullen nodded and shifted his feet. "I-uh sent your brother a letter today...he hasn't gotten back to me." He looked at the ground and she could see his nervousness.

She smiled. "No worry. I had Isabela pick up some of my clothes earlier today. I moved them into the wardrobe upstairs. I hope that is ok?"

He looked up at her, startled. "Y-yes. Of course that's ok." He blushed and she saw his lips curve slightly upward before he controlled his features.

"So...um are you hungry?" She asked, not really knowing what happened next.

"I am afraid I am not." He said glancing at her, he must have seen her disappointment because he spoke quickly. "But I would eat if you like. Or you could eat and I...I'll um..." He blushed deeper and ran his hand across the back of his neck.

"It's fine." She said. She had hoped she could cook them dinner. She truly wasn't a terrible cook, but she did need practice if she was going to get any better at it. Now she would have to think of something else. Looking around she remembered Isabela's advice. "How was your day?" She asked smiling at him again.

Cullen glanced at her and she noticed he moved slightly again, clearly in discomfort. "Perhaps I could change first?" He asked shyly.

Marian blinked and noticing his heavy plate armor covering him she rushed out. "Oh...yes. Yes, you should change. Obviously you would want to do that." She almost hit herself for being so callous.

He nodded and walked up the stairs, glancing back at her uncertainly.

She blew her breath out when he was out of sight. By the Maker how was she going to get through the night?


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14:

"Marian?" Cullen called when he walked into an empty downstairs.

His heart skipped a small beat before he heard, "In here," come from the kitchen.

He felt a rush of relief and headed to the back of the house. He had only been in the kitchen twice. Once, when he first explored the new place Meredith had given him. The second was the night before the wedding. He had come home that night in terror. All the sudden realizations hitting him the second he had walked through the door. He had done a thorough inspection; praying to the Maker that everything in his house was in order. When he had come into the kitchen he had realized he had no food since he always ate at the Gallows and had panicked, thinking that Marian would be angry at him for not having food. Then he had feared that she would demand he get a cook, which he would have, but he hadn't had time the night before the wedding. Nervousness had made him barely able to sleep that night.

When he walked in to the kitchen he saw Marian cutting up some bread and making a platter of cheese and dried meat. "You didn't have any food, so I bought a little today when I was getting ingredients for the biscuits." She smiled at him and offered him a piece of cheese. "I didn't get a lot, but figured it was enough for a night, maybe two."

Cullen took the cheese and nodded. "I-uh don't eat here."

Marian's face fell slightly. "Oh. I guess that's fine. I'll just..."

"No, th-that's not what I meant." He said quickly, realizing she thought he didn't ever want to eat here...with her. "I mean...I **normally** eat at the Gallows...but if you want to...um...eat together I will be more than happy to wait...I can definitely wait until I get home...uh here to eat."

He tried to smile reassuringly. She gave him a small smile back. "Ok. We can try that. But if it becomes...too much-"

"It won't."

She smiled down at the bread and finished cutting it. A real smile this time. He couldn't stop a smile from playing across his face even as he tried to fight it down. He didn't want to scare her. But he couldn't stop from being elated at her being here. In his kitchen. Smiling.

When she arranged the bread on the platter he carried it into the dining room. As they were sitting down Marian suddenly groaned. "I forgot to get something to drink. I didn't think about it."

He was about to sit down when he stopped. She was frowning and looking at him. "Uh..." He quickly scoured his brain. Did he have anything? Then he smiled. "I'll be right back." He got up and went back upstairs quickly.

He came back with a bottle of Orlesian wine. "Ser Alrik gave this to me." He smiled and handed it to her. "Wedding present." She looked at him curiously and he blushed slightly.

"Glasses?"

He thought quickly and nodded. He headed into the kitchen and grabbed two.

He set them on the table and she poured them both a glass. After she took a sip she put her glass back on the table and frowned.

"Is it bad?"

She shook her head. "No...it's not about the wine."

He felt a stab of fear. But things had been going so well.

She looked at him nervously. Guilt written across her face. Oh Maker, that look could sink a ship.

"I'm sorry." She said quietly.

"Marian-"

"No." She stopped him with her hand. "I need to tell you that I'm sorry. I was an ass. Last night..."

"You don't need to apologize."

"Yes, I do." She fiddled with her wine glass. "I was so horrible to you and-"

"You were not." She looked at him. Her eyes shined slightly and she looked miserable. What he would give to comfort her. "Marian, you did nothing wrong. You are not at fault and you were hardly horrible last night. Merely a victim of a bad situation. Of which, I am pretty confident is your brother's fault."

She gave her bread a sad half-smile. "Why can't you just accept my apology?"

He chuckled. "I will accept an apology when you need to give me one."

She looked at him, her smile widening and her usual glint returning to her eyes. "You make it sound like one day I might."

"Oh, I have no doubt that you will think of something to do that warrants an apology."

She laughed and settled down to eat some food. He watched her for a time, drinking his glass of wine. In the light of the fire her eyes shined so bright and beautifully. He wondered if she knew that. Or that when she ate she smiled to herself as if sharing a small joke in her head. Or that when her tongue flicked out to catch a drop of wine from her lips the temperature in the room increased by ten degrees.

He shook his head and cleared his throat to stop all the distracting thoughts in his head. "So, um...if you don't mind me asking, what happened last night?"

Marian chewed slowly as if thinking and finally gave him what he could only assume was an abridged version of the day. That Garrett had thrown her out. That she had foolishly gone to a tavern where she spent most of the day and her money on drink. That she had then found her way to his house and taken her temper out on him. After reminding her that she had not taken her temper out on him, and that for the second time she did not need to apologize for her actions he finally said, "Hawke can't kick you out of your family home, Marian."

She smiled and shook her head. "As much as I hate to say this, he is probably right. I can see the nobles thinking it strange that I live in a different house than my husband." Cullen blushed and looked away. "I think for now it's best I stay here...as long as you have no objections?" She looked nervously at the table as if expecting him to say he did.

"Of course you can stay here. For as long as you like." The blush increased a few shades when she looked at him questioningly.

"Don't be so quick to say that, Knight Captain. You have not lived with me yet." She grinned at him.

"I'm-uh sure I can handle y-um anything you do." His face was afire and she laughed and shook her head.

After finishing her dinner, Marian stretched and finished her glass of wine. "It's been a long day, for both of us I believe. I'll sleep in the guest room tonight."

"No."

"Why no?" She asked surprised.

"I will sleep in the guest room. You can have the master," He said matter-of-factly. He grabbed the platter from her and walked into the kitchen to clean it. She followed him, her hands on her hips and an adorable wrinkle in her nose.

"Don't be ridiculous. This is still your house, Cullen. You, therefore, sleep in the master room." She folded her arms and finally smiled as if she had the winning argument. "Besides your armor stand is in there and it wouldn't make sense for you to sleep in a room that didn't have your armor."

"I moved it to the guest room earlier." He said, trying to hide his smile. He had figured she might be staying and had decided she would continue to sleep in the larger room.

"You did that on purpose." She pouted slightly.

Cullen smiled at her as he finished washing the dish. "Marian. If you attempt to sleep in the guest room I will be forced to sleep on the floor. If that is what you wish to happen then by all means take the guest room." She frowned at him and was quiet for a moment as she thought her options through. Finally, she chuckled and gave him a small smile.

"Fine. I'll sleep in the master...tonight. But I'm not backing down from this so easily."

He chuckled and as he went to pass her in the door, he leaned down slightly, his face inches from hers. "I wouldn't expect you to." Her eyes widen slightly. "Good night, my wife."

* * *

Over the next two months, Marian found that living with Cullen wasn't so difficult. He was a respectful house mate and since he was only there in the evenings and left early in the morning, she generally had the house to herself. They spoke when he got home and every night she retired to the master room and him to the guest room. As the days turned to weeks and then to months Marian looked forward to his return in the evenings. She even stopped hunting cutpurses at night so she could spend more time with him. Well, that was one reason, the other was Varric reminding her that she should keep a low profile since the apostate incident at her wedding.

"It's odd." She said to Isabela one afternoon in the Hanged Man. It was getting later in the day and she would be leaving soon to meet Cullen. She often left the tavern early to wait for Cullen instead of staying out with the gang. Something Isabela found hilarious most evenings.

"What is, cupcake?" She was eyeing a group of sailors across the room.

"Well, I mean it's been two months since I moved into Cullen's house and...he hasn't tried anything." She frowned into her drink as she thought about Cullen. Maker the man hadn't even tried to hug her since she moved in. And they spent almost every night together talking. "Isn't there some sort of guy code that says when a woman is living in your house you're supposed to make a move." She turned to see Isabela suddenly giving Marian her full attention.

"You're telling me that you have been living with that delicious Knight-Captain for two months and haven't had your warden grey'd?"

Marian blinked at the pirate. "What?"

Isabela frowned. "Don't play coy. You haven't had your peach plundered. I can't let that stand, especially when the one who should be plundering needs it desperately. If I've ever seen a man in need—but let's focus on you." Isabela gave her a wide grin and settled herself more thoroughly in the chair and called Norah over for drinks.

Marian shook her head. It was useless to argue now so she listened to the well-versed pirate's advice on how to get Cullen to show his true feelings for her. Of which Isabela assured her the man was mad for her. "Anyone with eyes can see that, cupcake." And perhaps he would do more than show.

* * *

That evening she went home with a plan. She was nervous. Marian knew that over the last few months she had begun to have feelings for the templar...again. Every night when he came home and told her about his day in the Gallows, she listened, which shocked even her at times. She heard about the training of his men. She knew which men needed more training and which were excelling. He told her his worries about Meredith's strict measures, but that he wasn't sure what he could do.

"I'm her Knight-Captain. I train recruits and see that the regular templars can still wield a blade. I don't usually deal directly with the mages in the Gallows. I can't do anything without Meredith's consent. If I did, I would be written up. And that would be the least of my worries." He had told her one evening when she asked why he didn't try to make the mage's lives better.

Marian had told him about her life growing up: about Lothering, her father, and even about Bethany.

"She sounds like a wonderful girl. I wish I could have met her." He had said wistfully the evening she told him about her family's flight from Lothering.

"Have a thing for Hawkes now, do you?" She had said jokingly and watched him blush.

They had spoken every night. After the first week, Cullen had asked her about her magic.

"Why? Wondering when I'm going to become an abomination?" She had shot at him angrily.

Rubbing the back of his neck he told her he worried. "It's my job. It's not something I can ever get away from. I've seen you do magic. I am confident that you have control...but...just work with me here, Marian."

Rolling her eyes, she had gone through several spells with the templar's close watch. Finally, she raised her eyebrows. "Did I pass your **test**?"

"No test. You are remarkable, you know that?" She had blushed and the evening had gone on amiably afterwards.

Now she paced nervously. She had come home and bathed and then put on her short red dress with the Amell sigil on the back and breast. She parted the front so some of her cleavage showed and put on small slippers to accentuate her long legs.

Isabela's number one rule was that men could be turned on by what they couldn't see just as much as by what they could see. In accordance, the red dress was tightened around the waist with a small belt that hinted at her curves.

Marian heard the door click open and stopped, her heart racing.

Cullen walked through the door and smiled when he first saw her, then his eyes widened and his mouth opened in slight shock as he took in the entire sight of her.

She tried to remain calm and confident and put on a wide smile. "By the shock on your face I would think you were expecting someone else, Knight-Captain."

He blushed and looked away. "N-no, just surprised to-" He cleared his throat and pointed towards the stairs. "I'm going to change...if you don't-"

"Yes. Go ahead. I'll just be...down here." She gave him a flirtatious smile and leaned against the chair. "Go change into something more...comfortable."

Cullen blushed deeper and headed up the stairs.

When he returned Marian had moved into the dining room. Cullen had hired an elf named Olivia to clean the house twice a week since Marian had scrunched up her nose the second day and told him about her horrible experiences cleaning up after her two brothers at Gamlen's. While she hated cleaning, she had enjoyed cooking for him. She had found that her cooking skills weren't as bad as she thought. And Cullen appreciated her Ferelden cooking, even her stew.

Over the past months they had developed a regular schedule where she would wait for him to come home and they would eat together. It was odd to be home so early. When she had lived at the Amell estate she had always stayed in Anders' clinic until dark and then only trudged home when the Warden had told her to get rest. She hadn't seen Anders since the night before her wedding.

Marian enjoyed these dinners with Cullen. She loved when he would relax after dinner and his smile would come more easily. He always sent her a note if he was going to be late or held up at the Gallows. Those nights she usually spent reading by the fire and then going to bed early.

Cullen sat down at the table in his usual spot, at the corner of the end closest to the kitchen. Usually, Marian would sit across from him. Tonight, she took the chair directly to his right and sat down smiling at him. He started slightly and looked nervously at her.

"How was your day?" She asked as she set food on her plate.

"Um...fine." He glanced at her, licking his lips slightly. She saw his eyes dart down her neckline before he blushed and turned back to his food, shoving it into his mouth to distract himself.

She smiled coyly while she ate and let the silence follow.

He finished his meal quickly, glancing at her occasionally before quickly turning back to his food. As he finished Marian put down her fork and turned to him, a large smile on her face. She rested her head in her hand and bounced her foot up and down under the table.

"So, apostate got your tongue?"

Cullen turned to her, blinking slightly, his eyes darting before he could stop them. Then he physically looked away. "No. I just...today wasn't very exciting is all." He said between closed teeth, his eyes closed as his head was turned slightly away from her.

"I'm sure we could find something...exciting to do."

He made a small strangled noise in the back of his throat and she saw the blush creeping across the back of his neck.

Marian reached up with her hand and lightly trailed it across the back of his neck and up through the soft curls where his hair line began. She had been itching to do that for a very long time. He started and jumped out of his chair staring down at her. She put on an expression of surprise but it was ruined by the small smile she wore at his reaction.

"Is something wrong?" She purred getting up. She had been practicing her seductive voice all day. She stepped toward him and he took a step back. She frowned. "Cullen?" This isn't what was supposed to happen. Isabela had told her he would practically jump on her. Why wasn't he?

He put his hand up and looked at her. She saw the anguish in his eyes and her heart stopped and contracted. "Marian. Stop."

She sucked in air and stared at him. The silence stretched on for minutes. She felt hot pins over her body and she looked down at the table. He didn't move. Finally, she asked in a small voice. "D-don't you...I thought you liked me?" Her eyes were hot and she forced the tears back.

"Marian." His voice caught and she glanced up to see the torn expression he wore and the pleading look in his eyes. "Please. I...you know I...this isn't you." He gestured to her outfit and the table.

She looked confused and glanced down at what she was wearing and back at him. "What do you mean it isn't me? Of course it is. I'm standing right here."

"No. It isn't. This...thing...this act...you are trying to put on. It's not you. It's not the woman I- it's just not you, Marian."

"I don't understand." She said confusedly. "I thought you...you don't want this?" ___You don't want me? _She thought desperately.

Cullen reached her before she could react. His hand cupped her face and brought it up to look at him. His hazel eyes were clouded and she could see the fight he was trying not to show her.

"I-Maker Marian you have no idea. I just...I can't. Not like this. It has to be you. The real you. Not some..." He sighed and dropped his hand, not looking directly at her. "I need you to feel the same way about me that I feel about you. I want you to ___want _me. As silly as that sounds. And if this is what you think I want...then I don't think you're ready...I need to know you're ready." He glanced at her and then away.

"I...think it's best if-" He cleared his throat. "Good night, Marian." He walked past her quickly and before she could respond he was out the door.

"But I do want you." She whispered after him.


	15. Chapter 15

_Quick Author's Note: This is the last week with two updates for awhile. After today (5/31) I will only be updating on Friday until finals are over and I have time to write more. Thank you for reading and a special thank you to kaysue18 for being an excellent Beta Reader!_

* * *

Chapter 15:

The week after Marian's failed attempt to seduce Cullen was filled with awkward silences. The first few days Marian didn't even show up for dinner. Cullen had to scrounge around and find something edible for himself. When she finally did come to dinner she ate very quickly and practically ran up to her room. He would then go to his study and work on countless boring reports with his door open. Hoping she might come out and talk to him before finally giving up and going to bed. A week after, when she was scarfing down her dinner, he finally got up the courage to ask her about her day. She stared at him like a wild animal caught in a trap before swallowing and telling him quietly. Before he knew it he had her talking and laughing again. It had felt good to talk to her without blushes and pauses. He had known he had to give her time. He needed time as well.

It had been the hardest thing he had ever done, stepping away from her that night and going upstairs, alone. Seeing her in that dress-robe, the same one she had worn the day he and Garrett agreed on the marriage, it had driven him mad with want. But he saw what she was doing and he saw how nervous she was, even as she tried to play it off with smiles and breathless speaking, he knew he couldn't do anything. Not then. Not until she was ready. Because he knew that she wasn't ready that night. Not until she could tell him how she felt. And he could tell her what she already knew. That she was the only woman he would ever want.

Cullen walked into the house that night and felt an odd sense of quiet. He stopped just inside the door and looked around, listening. Normally, Marian would be curled up by the fire waiting for him, or in the dining room setting the table. Today, he heard nothing. Quickly moving to the dining room he saw she wasn't there and bounded up the stairs. Perhaps she was in her room? Or had gone out and left him a message? Even during the few days she hadn't come home for dinner she had left him a note so that he wouldn't worry. He knew she had mentioned going to see her mother soon. He knocked on her door and opened it a crack, but saw nothing. He pushed it open fully and saw that she wasn't in the room. He went into his study, hoping she had left him a note, but there was none on his desk.

He grasped around in his head, wondering if she had mentioned something, trying to control the bit of fear entering his heart. Last night she had seemed a bit quiet. She had picked at her food and glanced at him, but he had simply imagined she was in one of her 'spells' where she needed space. Running a gauntleted hand through his hair, Cullen realized he had to decide what to do. He could change and stay in the house hoping she came back. Or he could go look for her.

Staring at his desk hoping a message would magically appear he groaned and walked out of his study. He wasn't about to sit around not knowing if she was safe or not. It was his job to make sure she was.

* * *

Cullen's first stop was the one place in Kirkwall he knew someone would have seen or heard from Marian that day...the Hanged Man. As he entered the dingy tavern he scrunched up his nose. _Maker, why would she come here?_ The place smelled horrible and by the look of it half the men there had some criminal record. He internally groaned and knew he stuck out like a sore thumb with his gleaming templar armor. He could see some of the patrons glancing uneasily at him and even the barkeeper was giving him an appraising look.

He knew that both Varric, the dwarf her brother employed occasionally, and the pirate Isabela, who Cullen disapproved of greatly but never told Marian knowing she enjoyed the woman's company far too much to listen to him, would be in the Hanged Man somewhere. They were likely to have seen or know of someone that had seen Marian that day. He would start there and find out where she was.

He approached the bar. "Have you seen a dwarf, Varric or a woman by the name of Isabela?" He asked the barman.

The barman glanced around uneasily while he cleaned a pitcher with the filthiest rag Cullen had ever seen. After a few moments, he shook his head. "N'ver 'eard of 'em." He said loudly.

"Well now Corff, that's no way to treat an esteemed guest at the Hanged Man." Cullen turned around to see the dwarf in question descending from the stairs. "I thought I heard some self-righteousness, but I thought it was Choir Boy."

Cullen stared at the dwarf. He was eccentric looking, and Cullen vaguely remembered him from his wedding day. He and the pirate had both been there. Varric approached him with a grin on his face, clearly sizing Cullen up as well.

"What do you need Knight-Captain? Or perhaps I should call you Hawkette's husband. Has a bit of a ring to it, doesn't it?"

Cullen glared at him, he already distrusted the flamboyant dwarf. "Do you know where Marian is?" He asked curtly.

"Know where Marian is? Well. That is a prize bit of information, isn't it?" Varric leaned slightly against one of the tables, his eyes running over Cullen. Then, examining the table for dust the dwarf continued. "I wonder what the going price for that is?"

Cullen quickly crossed the distance between them and stood over the smaller dwarf. "Is your life worth it, dwarf?" He growled, his eyes glinting dangerously. This place made him uneasy and he wasn't about to be led on by a dwarf.

"Oh, so protective. How adorable." Varric wasn't intimidated in the slightest and instead his smile grew a little larger.

Cullen's hand instinctively went towards his sword pommel.

"Tsk. Please. Can we not be civilized?" Varric looked up at him.

He ground his teeth in frustration. "Just tell me where she is. I only want to make sure she is safe."

"Safe? Well in that case you need not worry. I know she is safe. That should be enough for you."

Cullen grabbed the dwarf before he could control his anger, pushing him against the table. "Tell me where she is!" He was seeing red and a small part of him was terrified. What if she had left? What if she was dead and the dwarf was trying to cover his tracks? He would kill him if that was the case. He felt the tavern grow silent and still. Not a good sign for him.

He felt something cold against his neck and glared at the quick dwarf. "I would control that temper of yours, templar. Might get you in trouble one of these days."

"I suggest you tell me where she is." He said, his voice shaking in anger.

"Is it worth ___your _life?" The dagger pressed a little when Cullen didn't let go of him.

"What do you think Hawke will do to you?" Cullen asked and instantly the knife was gone. He dropped the dwarf on the ground and straightened. Funny that his brother-in-law's name would have such an effect on Varric. He had said it on a whim. He glared at the dwarf. "Now where is she?"

Varric looked cross and glared slightly at the ground. "Her and Rivaini went to a tavern. Happy? They're safe."

"What tavern?" Cullen growled. He would check on her to make sure the dwarf was telling the truth. If he was he would leave her be. If he wasn't...

Varric seemed to contemplate and glanced at Cullen. Finally, he threw up his hands and muttered, "I warned her." Before continuing louder, "They went to the Blooming Rose."

* * *

"Isabela." Marian whined slightly, glancing around nervously. "I don't know if I...can't we just go back to the Hanged Man."

"Oh, don't be a spoil-sport, cupcake. This will be fun. Besides, if you had told me sooner that our plan with that stubborn, exasperating templar didn't work I wouldn't have to resort to these drastic measures." Isabela cooed from next to Marian.

"I'm fine, Isabela, really."

"Shh. No you're not. You're wound tighter than a man just down the plank for shore leave. You can't wait around forever for him, and this will take the edge off, trust me."

"Isab-"

"Just stay here. I'll go find you someone nice and...gentle." The pirate winked and left Marian standing in the middle of the Blooming Rose.

She wished she had never opened her stupid mouth earlier that day. If she had just let Isabela think everything had worked out she wouldn't be here. But she had been frustrated. Frustrated that Cullen still did nothing and for all the talking they did he never let on that he wanted more. She was also frustrated with herself for not being able to tell him how she felt, how she thought she felt anyway. Sighing, she waited for the pirate to return. She wouldn't actually go through with it, she decided. She would just pretend and pay the man off to say they had. That would stop Isabela and then she could go home.

"Hey, there." A man walked up to her, alarmingly close. He had dark brown, dingy long hair and a crooked smile, a nose that looked like it had been broken one too many times, and dark green eyes that glinted dangerously at her. Marian backed up a few steps, trying to put more distance between them. "Aren't you a pretty thing?" He purred coming still closer. Marian's back hit the wall and her heart raced.

"I'm not-not...I don't work here, serah." She tried to say sternly. She attempted to look past him and find Isabela. Her heart was thundering in her chest and she wished desperately for the man to turn and leave her alone immediately. She tried to keep her face calm and not let the panic she was feeling creep into it.

"Such a shame." His hand came up and Marian could do nothing but stare openmouthed as he brushed aside her hair. "But everyone has a price. How much?"

"Leave me alone," she whispered. Maker, why couldn't she say something stronger and more threatening? She quickly thought over her options. She could shove him off...or try to. The man was twice her size and she bet it would be as easy to move him as a wall. Her other option...was not an option. Fear leaked in her veins. Fear and shock. That this would be happening.

She couldn't do anything. Marian had no knowledge of hand-to-hand, no weapons. All she had was magic. And she was powerless with that. If she cast a spell, in this crowded place, there would be templars in minutes, and she would be hauled off to the Gallows. And even through her fear she knew this. This had been trained in her brain since the second her magic manifested. This was the lesson her father had ingrained in her. Never do magic in public. Not where people could see. Not where people could report you. And if she didn't have magic...then she didn't have anything.

The man smiled darkly at her silence and his hand drifted down to cup her face. "Don't worry, baby. I'll make it worth your while."

"N-no." She whispered as his head descended. Suddenly, strong arms yanked him off her. He stumbled back and Marian saw the most glorious sight in her life. Cullen stood in front of her, his templar armor shining in the dull light of the Blooming Rose and the look on his face was murderous.

The man glared at Cullen and straightened. "I saw her first, jackass. You think just because you're some big shot templar you can push people around. Stand in line." He tried to move past Cullen and Cullen grabbed the man around the throat with one hand and with the other smashed his face in. Marian heard the crunch of bones breaking as face made contact with the steel gauntlet and she let out a small gasp. Cullen dropped the man, where he writhed on the floor in agony and turned to her.

His face was dark with fury. She shook slightly, a new fear lacing her veins, fear of angry templars and what they could do to people in their way. People like her. But as his eyes focused on her they were suddenly filled with concern. Warm, concerned, beautiful hazel eyes. He took two strides and reached her, his hands gently pulling her off the wall and towards him. "Marian. Are you alright? Are you hurt?" He asked. She could hear the fear in his voice and looked into his concerned eyes so glad that they no longer held that fury.

Her vision blurred as relief spread through her and his arms tightened and he pulled her against his breastplate. "Shh. He can't hurt you. Don't worry, Marian. I'm here." He whispered in her ear.

She pulled back slightly and just looked up at him. He looked down at her. A strangled laugh of relief escaped Marian's lips and she threw her arms around the templar. Around her husband. Around the one blasted man in Kirkwall she could count on.

___You may be very thankful one day that you have a man so willing to protect you. _Her mother's words came back to her in his embrace and she thanked the Maker he had been there. Though, she realized quickly that she wasn't likely in any real danger. Perhaps she would have eventually shouted and alerted others who would have pulled him off her. But she was too full of relief and happiness at seeing Cullen to care.

She disentangled herself from his arms and gave him a small smile. Cullen's lips twitched and he put his hand on her lower back. "Can we go home now?" Marian asked quietly. He nodded and led her out of the brothel.

On her way out Marian looked around and saw Isabela. She was surprised to see a small coy smile on the pirate's lips and she could swear the woman winked at her as she left.


	16. Chapter 16

_Author's note: This chapter is THE chapter. For the more explicit material go to archiveofourown. Also, I am putting a link to the chapter in my Author's profile for easy access. Thank you for reading! _

* * *

The walk home was silent. Cullen was on high alert and Marian could feel ever muscle in his body on the ready for an attack. There wasn't one. They reached their small house by the docks without incident and Cullen locked the door behind them.

He turned and looked at her. The silence stretched between them. Finally, he blurted out, "What were you thinking, Marian?"

She blushed and looked at the floor. "I-I wasn't. I mean...it wasn't my idea. It was Isabela's and...well I thought 'what's the worst that could happen?'"

"'What's the worst that could happen?!'" Cullen exclaimed. He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. "Maker, Marian you have no idea...I was so worried. I thought you had been killed or...worse." His look was agonizing.

She glanced at him guiltily. "I didn't mean to worry you. I didn't realize you would..._notice_." She whispered the last word.

"Notice? Andraste's flaming sword. You didn't think I would come home and notice you were gone? Marian, what do you take me for?" He said the last part harshly and she flinched.

She looked down at the floor, refusing to meet his eyes. She didn't know what she had been thinking. She should have left. She shouldn't have gone with Isabela. It had been a bad idea. Cullen crossed the distance and she glanced up as he neared. His hazel eyes held hers and she saw the relief in them, but also the worry.

"Marian." He whispered, his hand coming up to cup her chin. He held her gaze and her heart fluttered.

"T-thank you for...being there." She said quietly.

"I'm always here for you." She could feel his breath against her face. She wanted so badly to lean in. To close the distance. Cullen let his hand go and took a step back.

Irritated, she muttered. "Well, yea, when I need someone to talk to, sure."

His brow furrowed at her. "What's that supposed to mean?" He asked a little hotly.

She sighed. "Nothing Cullen. It's just...you're all talk." She took a step away and turned slightly towards the fire. She bent down and sent a small fire spell into the hearth setting it ablaze.

"All talk?" He asked, staring at her, his eyebrows furrowing irritably.

Marian stood up and turned to him, a hand on her hip. If he wanted it out. Fine, it would be out. "Yes. Gah. Can't you see? Even now. Even after what _just_ happened. You just want to smooth it out and let everything go back to the way it was before. Can't you see? Don't you realize why I was there?"

His voice darkened. "Maybe you should have told me the truth the first time I asked. Why were you there?"

"Because...because you don't do anything Cullen. Because I...I need companionship!" She blushed and turned to look away from him. Her face felt as hot as the fire she just made.

"Companionship?" He looked at her for several minutes incredulously. Finally, he said quietly, "Marian I thought we were taking things slow."

"Slow! Any slower and we'd not know each other's names!" She growled out, her eyes flashing angrily.

"I think that's a bit of an exaggeration." He crossed his arms defensively.

She threw up her hands. "Cullen we've been married three months and you haven't even kissed me since our wedding day!"

"You want me to kiss you?" Cullen froze and stared at her, a curious expression on his face.

"It'd be a nice gesture, yes. Is that so much to ask? Or is that taking things too quickly for you, oh delicate templar?"

Cullen crossed the distance between them so quickly her head spun. His lips descended on her, hot, wanting, needy. She gasped as his arms were around her and he pulled her against his breastplate. A low growl escaped his throat and she quickly got over her shock to run her hands up his armor and into his hair, pulling him down against her lips.

Her teeth scraped against his bottom lip as she moved on her toes to reach him better. His hand tightened around her waist, pushing her against his armor.

His mouth pushed hers open and his tongue flicked in causing Marian to moan low in her throat. His grip tightened on her waist and she squeaked in pain against his armor.

Suddenly, Cullen pulled back and stared at her wide-eyed. "We can't do this, Marian." He tried to take a step away from her, but she grabbed his armor and and forced him to stay where he was.

"Andraste's knickers. Why not? What are you so afraid of, Cullen?" She asked pleadingly. He couldn't stop now.

He looked into her vibrant blue eyes and she saw the indecision and want. He took a deep breath and taking her hand gently off his armor he held it in his gauntlet and stared at it. His fingers gently rolled the ring on her hand. "I don't want you to wake up tomorrow and have any regrets." He said quietly, not looking at her.

Marian stared at him a moment before smiling and putting her hand on his cheek. He turned to look at her. She reached up and kissed him gently. "That's not going to happen. I promise."

He sighed and shook his head. "It's just...I was so eager before, but after the...after our wedding I just...I couldn't believe I had moved so quickly or thought about...it was like I was...possessed before the wedding and after what happened I realized that I couldn't...be with you until it was real."

She looked at him, confused for a moment. "Real?" She asked and saw the look of utter hopelessness in his eyes. "By the Maker, Cullen what do you want me to say? That I love you? Well...I do." She surprised herself with the words and took a step away from him. Blinking, she looked at the ground, a blush covering her face.

Cullen was silent for a moment before he strangled out, "What?"

Staring up at him she made the decision. It almost felt freeing to finally put her emotions into words. To finally say it out loud. "I do. I love you, you stubborn, impossible man." She took a step toward him, but he stepped back.

"Marian...you don't know what you're saying."

Growling, she launched herself at him, grabbing his armor to keep him from moving back and kissed him thoroughly on the mouth. He hesitated a moment before kissing her back. When she pulled away she said in a low warning. "Cullen don't insult my intelligence when I'm trying to seduce you...again." Then she smiled and kissed his jaw lightly. "I told you I love you and I mean it. Do you love me?"

He stared down at her. His mouth opening and closing a few times before he could speak. "What? Yes. Yes, of course I do! By the Maker, Marian I've been in love with you for...so long." He was suddenly smiling and kissing her again. His lips trailed down her neck and she smiled and arched her back to push into him.

"Then I see no problem...My love."

He stiffened and rose his head to stare into her eyes. His hazel eyes were so warm she could melt in them. He gave her a small smile. "I love you, Marian." He whispered, leaning in to kiss her.

His kiss was gentle. Testing the waters. As he asked for more she opened for him. His tongue stroked hers slowly and she felt fire going through her veins.

As his gauntleted hand came up to cup her face, he stopped and glanced at his hand. "Perhaps I...should get out of this armor."

Marian looked at the plate covering his body and chuckled. "I think that would be best."

Smiling, she grabbed his hand and headed up to the stairs. She glanced back, meeting his eyes and her grin broadened.

When they reached the landing Cullen tried to pull away gently to go to his room. Marian just laughed and pulled him closer, placing a kiss on his jaw.

He chuckled softly. "Marian, my armor."

"Let me help you." She asked, pulling lightly on his gauntlet.

He smiled and kissed her, drawing it out, teasing her with more before pulling back. "If you insist. But I almost think this is some devious plot to learn how to take off templar armor."

She laughed as she led him into the master room. When he pushed the door shut with his boot she turned and ran her hands up his armor. "That seems a bit too devious for me. Don't you think, my love?"

He grabbed her close, capturing her mouth with his. When she pushed lightly on his armor and he let her go they were both breathless. With Cullen's careful instruction, Marian learned where the clasps were and how to get them undone.

"They don't make this easy, do they?" She asked, frustrated when one clasp was particularly tricky to undo.

Cullen's rumbling laugh made her smile and he turned slightly to help her. "I'm sure there is some reason for it." His eyes twinkled at her.

Once the breastplate and greaves were off, the rest of the small pieces came off easily. As she slid them to the floor she saw Cullen give a slightly worried look at his gleaming armor.

"It'll still be there." She whispered, pulling his chin to look at her.

He smiled down at her and she reveled in the warmth of him. It was such a contrast to the cold armor she had previously been thrown against.

His hand wrapped around her and she ran her hands through his hair. The warmth in her body spread as she looked at the face of the man she loved.

"Marian." He breathed against her lips. She closed her eyes as his head dipped and he placed small kisses against her jaw, slowly making his way down her neck.

He explored her body with his hands and guided them back towards the bed. When she asked him to take his shirt off, she stared at the glorious man in front of her. Her eyes ran over his chest and he blushed. The sun-kissed skin of his torso told her he worked out shirtless occasionally. She ran her hands over his shoulders and down his stomach. He clenched slightly when her hand trailed through the light brush of hair on his stomach and she felt his muscles ripple. Maker, he was gorgeous. She looked up at him with hungry eyes and he chuckled. "Had I known I would get this reaction, I might have done that sooner." He said lightly.

She pushed him down and kissed him thoroughly. He continued taking off her dress, one button at a time, never moving the edges of the dress aside. Finally, when he kissed her belly button after getting the last button, he stood and pulled her up from the bed. As she was straightening, the shoulder of her dress fell and she quickly snatched it back, blushing furiously and suddenly realizing how exposed she was to him. She glanced at him and saw concern in his eyes.

He gently put his hand on her shoulder, tugging the dress into place. "Marian. If you don't want to..."

She looked up at him. His eyes were understanding. She knew she could say no. She could tell him she wasn't ready. Marian bit her lip and tried to gather her thoughts, but they were too scattered. What she did know was that she didn't just want Cullen. She needed him. Looking him in the eye she gently moved his hand from her shoulder and kissed the knuckle. Then she grasped the edges of her dress and slid them off her shoulders. She heard the wisp of the cloth hit the floor and saw Cullen's eyes go wider than was surely possible.

He stood for a moment, gazing at her in wonder before bringing his hand up. He glanced at her and she gave him a reassuring smile, or an attempted reassuring smile before his hand came down and trailed down her side. He was watching it slide against her pale skin that rarely saw daylight. She stepped toward him and his eyes found hers. She was still nervous.

"Cullen. It's...I've never...been with anyone," She said shyly.

He froze, staring at her. "Sweet Andraste. Marian...I-I don't know...what to say." He went to pull his hand away but she caught it.

"Don't stop. Can you...just...be gentle. Please." She pleaded with her eyes.

He nodded and cupping her chin to tilt it up, placed the gentlest kiss on her lips. "I would never be anything but, my love."

He was gentle. More gentle than she thought possible. He asked her, always asked her, if she wanted to continue. And she always gave him a resounding yes. When they were finished he looked at her, the most beautiful woman to ever grace his presence, and she was his. He kissed her softly until she smiled and opened her eyes to him. The stunning blues always took his breath away. She reached up and stroked his hair soothingly.

Cullen moved off of her and glanced down. He froze. There was a small bit of blood.

"What's wrong?" Marian asked and glanced down. She stopped, her eyes widening at the sight of him. Her breathing became uneven and her face whitened. "I'm bleeding." She whispered, fear lacing her words.

He turned to her and kissed her, but she didn't respond. Her eyes were frozen on him. He tilted her chin gently with his hand until she looked at him. "Marian. Breathe." She took in a shaky breath. He got up and walked quickly to the wash basin grabbing a rag and returning. Forgetting about himself he knelt between her legs. "It's just a little blood. It can happen...when it's a woman's first." He looked at her, she slowly nodded. "I'm sorry," He said, not able to meet her gaze anymore. He was an idiot. He should have known...he should have been more gentle. He should have...Cullen shook his head and ever so gently washed her.

When he was done he returned to the basin. He went back to the bed and saw that she had not moved. Lying down next to her, he gathered her in his arms.

"I can feel my pulse." She whispered, as she drew closer to him.

He closed his eyes. "I'm sorry." She hadn't been ready. Why had he pushed her? He should have stopped this.

Pushing on his chest she pulled herself away. He let her go and felt his stomach drop. She hated him. It was his fault. "Cullen." She whispered. He opened his eyes expecting to see the hate and anger in hers. Instead, she smiled shyly and kissed him on the jaw. "I love you." She said quietly.

He looked at her startled. "Y-you don't hate me?"

Marian giggled. "Why would you think that?" Then giving him a mock-stern look she asked, "What kind of woman do you think I am, Knight-Captain? To go sleeping around with men I hate."

He shook his head. "But...you were so shocked with...the blood. I thought you would-"

"Oh." She blushed and looked away from him briefly, embarrassed. "Isabela told me it could happen. I just...forgot. I feel silly." She gave him a small smile, her cheeks still tinged pink and ran her hand down his jaw, snuggling closer and entwining her legs with his. When he only stared past her she prompted, "What?"

"You don't regr-"

"No." He glanced at her surprised. "And don't ever think I do...or...or I'll have to zap you."

Feeling relieved he pulled her back into his arms. He smiled and kissed the top of her head. "That's a serious threat, Miss Hawke."

She giggled and kissed him soundly. "Then I guess you'll have to keep an eye on me, won't you...Knight-Captain."

"I guess I will." His warm eyes gazed into her blue ones. Smiling, he pulled her close, finally able to sleep in his own bed.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17:

A small bit of light streamed through the curtained windows of the master bedroom. Cullen sighed quietly and turned onto his side. He should be getting up, getting ready to depart for the Gallows, but he was having trouble leaving the bed. He smiled down at the beautiful sight lying next to him. Marian Hawke was possibly the most exquisite woman he had ever seen. In the morning light her fair skin glowed faintly, such a contrast to the dark hair tumbling down her back. He lightly ran a hand down her side, loving the soft feel of her skin against his. What he would give to stay curled up next to her for the rest of his days and never have to think about templars or mages again.

Marian stirred as his hand continued its path down her back. She turned, her eyes blinking at him. He saw a blink of confusion, then remembrance, and then a small soft smile. He kissed her shoulder. His hand coming to rest on her hip. His thumb absently rubbed the soft skin there.

"I have to go," he whispered, hating himself for having to.

She glanced toward the window and back at him. "So early?" She frowned and he saw the disappointment in her eyes. It ripped through him stronger than he expected. He wished fervently that he could stay in bed with her.

"Yes." He supposed she had never been up before to see him leave. He wondered when she normally woke up. Long after he left, he was sure. The trouble with living on this side of the water was that Meredith expected him in his office at the time he would normally if he was sleeping at the Gallows. Which was earlier than mages were expected to be awake, and before templars broke their morning fast.

Marian scooted closer, perhaps sensing his reluctance. Her hand traced his jaw and he turned to kiss her palm. He had been worried that she would wake to regret the night before, even if she had assured him she would not. He was glad she still wanted to touch him, for he dearly enjoyed touching her.

"Can't you take a sick day?"

He laughed. "Templars don't get sick days, my dear."

"Not even if I write you a note?"

He pulled her close and kissed her, his hands running down her body, loving the feeling, wanting to memorize her form in his mind. She squirmed against him, trying to get herself closer, and he felt the tightening in his groin. He needed to leave this bed before he couldn't anymore.

Rolling on top of her, he deepened the kiss. When he broke it they were both short of breath.

He stared into her blue eyes, so clear and bright in the morning light. He frowned as his thoughts drifted to the previous night. To when her eyes had held shock and fear. Growling, he rolled off her.

"What's wrong?" She rolled on her side, but he was already up and reaching the door of the bedroom.

"Stay here."

She chuckled lightly after him. "I'm not going anywhere."

He walked to his room quickly. When he reached it he knelt down and reached up under the bed. The knife was securely attached to the underside of the bed's rails. If he had need of it quickly. He ripped it off and glanced at the knife safely tucked in its sheath. It would do, for now. It wasn't fancy, but it was sharp. He walked back. When he opened the door to her room, their room now he supposed, though he would have to ask her about that before presuming to move into it, Marian glanced at him and her eyes lit up in the smile she gave him.

"Here." He handed her the sheath with the knife.

She reached out tentatively and took it from him. She glanced at him curiously. "What am I supposed to do with this?" Her brows furrowed and she looked at the knife again. "Was it that bad?"

"What? N-no." He could practically hit himself. "No, Marian, this is for you. So you can protect yourself...without magic." He glanced at the window, his jaw tightening at the remembrance of the previous night at the Blooming Rose. He had been so scared, when he had walked in and looked around frantically for her. He had prayed that the dwarf had been lying, that Marian hadn't gone there. When he saw the man reaching for her, he lost it. He didn't remember the last time he was so angry. So filled with blind rage. He didn't remember the last time he hit someone so hard either. And yet, even now he felt no remorse for that action. But when he had turned to her, the look of fear, her eyes shining. No. He never wanted to see that look again. Never.

"Cullen." He turned when her hands went around him. He buried his hands in her hair and brought her close, kissing her, relishing the feeling of her safe in his arms. He rested his chin on her head and closed his eyes. Knowing she was there. Knowing he would do anything to protect her.

"I don't know how to use a knife. I mean...other than you know...cutting things." She blushed slightly when he pulled back to look at her and refused to meet his eyes.

He smiled and gently lifted her chin. "I'll teach you." A little practice every night and she would be able to wield it in no time.

She grinned and shook her head lightly. "I'm a pretty terrible student. Maybe that's why Carver and Garrett never bothered."

"I doubt that. And besides my dear, I train templars. I am sure teaching you will be a piece of cake." She had no idea the brutes and uncouth men he had trained in the past two years since arriving in Kirkwall. Every one of them was now a trained templar, for good or ill.

"Oh don't be so sure, Knight-Captain." Her eyes sparkled mischievously and warmth spread through him.

He pulled her back to him and kissed her.

"I will see you tonight." He whispered, kissing her on the forehead and letting her go.

She chuckled softly and grabbed him to kiss him again. Drawing it out and testing his resolve dearly. "All of me, my love," she said when he finally pulled her off.

He blushed as he hurried to don on his armor.

* * *

"What are you doing here, my dear?" Cullen asked Marian as she walked up to him later that day at the Gallows. He hadn't expected to see her until that night, and she usually avoided the Gallows, for good reason.

"I went to visit Aveline this morning. She asked me to talk to your Ser Emeric about the missing women."

He nodded. Under any other Knight-Commander Ser Emeric would have been retired at a peaceful country Chantry by now. However, Knight-Commander Meredith was keeping templars later and recruiting them earlier. Normally, Cullen would have worried about this. But considering the number of blood mages and apostates running around Kirkwall, he wasn't about to tell her they needed less templars.

He watched from across the courtyard as Marian spoke to Ser Emeric. The missing women were interesting, though technically it was the guard's duty and not a templar's to track them down, or their murderer. He remembered Marian mentioning a severed hand that she and Hawke had found the last time they tried to track down the women. It didn't bode well.

He saw her nod and say something to his templar and then she was walking back towards him.

"I have to go to Gascard DuPuis' estate tonight." Her eyebrows were furrowed and he could tell she was thinking about what Ser Emeric had told her.

Cullen shook his head. "The guard already checked out his estate on Emeric's suggestion and found nothing. Then Meredith had to apologize. It wasn't exactly comfortable around here after that." He hated to think of what Meredith would say if she found out her Knight-Captain's wife had gone to investigate the man. She had given the templars strict orders to leave DuPuis alone.

"It can't hurt if I double check. He seems convinced something is happening there. If I check it out and find nothing, maybe he'll calm down."

Cullen frowned. He doubted the old man would ever calm down, or stop sticking his nose in non-templar business. "Ok. But do so quietly. I don't want your affiliation with the templar order to cause more strife."

She raised her eyebrow and Maker, how had he never noticed she could do that almost exactly like her brother? "My affiliation?"

He knew better than to say anything. "Just be safe and please bring someone with you."

Marian shook her head, but gave him a small smile. She reached up and quickly kissed him. "I'm always safe. And I was planning on asking Garrett for help." Her fingers lingered on his neck. "And perhaps later...you can explain what this affiliation I have with the templars is." She winked and he cursed his stupidity.

Before he could try to rectify the situation she was walking away. He looked after her and her words sunk in. He was surprised she was going to ask Garrett for help. She hadn't spoken to her brother since the day she moved in. But before he could ask her about it she was leaving the Gallows and he was worrying about her, though it didn't stop a small smile from forming at the feeling of her lips against his.


	18. Chapter 18

_Author's Note: This chapter also has "more" that is on the AO3 version (aka explicit content). The link can be found on my Author's Profile. Or this thing which isn't a link but if you put in the website address before it I think it'll work. - /works/758697/chapters/1629315 Thank you to kaysu18 for being an awesome beta._

* * *

Chapter 18:

"Don't be stupid, Garrett! You know, as well as I do, that those women are actually missing and that they didn't all get up and walk away." Marian growled at her brother from across his desk.

"I don't see how pissing off a noble will help those families get closure." Garrett leaned back, she could tell he was thoroughly enjoying toying with her.

Marian stood up. They had been arguing for a half hour and she was annoyed. They needed to gather everyone and head to the estate soon. She didn't want to be out all night. "Fine." She crossed her arms. "If you don't believe me, I'll go by myself." She felt a rush of guilt as she had told Cullen she would take someone with her, but if her brother wasn't going to cooperate, she wasn't going to spend until the next Blight arguing with him.

She turned and stalked out the door of his study.

"Don't be so blasted stubborn!" Garrett yelled, as he came storming out right after her. She repressed her smile as she turned to him.

"If DuPuis is clean, I'll owe you one." Marian grinned.

"You owe me a lot already." He shook his head, clearly still irritated. "Give me a minute to get ready. Go get Aveline, I'll grab Fenris and meet you outside his estate. Don't go in without me! Clear?"

"I won't." Garrett was turning to head up the stairs. "Garrett?" He turned. Marian smiled at him. "Thanks."

He rolled his eyes. "As if I'd let that templar tear me to pieces for letting you go off on your own. Don't promise to be safe if you don't mean it." He stalked off towards his room. Marian wasn't even slightly surprised he knew.

"I didn't promise anything," she muttered as she walked towards the door to Hightown.

* * *

When Cullen got home there was a note in the study reminding him that Marian had gone out and where she was going. It also mentioned that her brother and a few of their friends were with them. He recognized the Guard Captain's name and he was pretty sure Fenris was the white-haired elf with the strange tattoos. It made him feel a little better, but he still worried about her.

He ate dinner and worked on some of the reports Meredith wanted. He glanced out the window numerous times, and his mind drifted to all the things that could be going wrong. What if Gascard was the killer? What if the templars had apologized to him, and he had secretly been killing women for years?

Hours went by and Cullen's worry grew. He paced the study and attempted doing more work, but gave up as night went on.

The small sound of the door closing had him rushing out of the study and down the stairs. Marian smiled tiredly at him as she walked through the sitting room towards the stairs he was descending. He reached the bottom and pulled her close. Smelling sweat, blood, and something burnt. She sank into his embrace.

"Maker, what happened?" He could tell she had fought, and from her exhaustion he could tell she had used quite a bit of her mana. He pulled back to get a better look at her, inspecting with his eyes for injuries. He saw that her robe was torn in a few locations, but each had whole skin under them. He noticed a blood stain around one and his eyes tightened in worry as he realized she had healed herself. He was counting the rips when her hands pulled his chin up to look at her.

"I'm fine, my love. Really." She smiled and kissed him. Not convinced with her prognosis he let his hands wander over her body, looking for bruises, he knew mages found those difficult to heal and many simply allowed them to heal naturally. Sure enough as his hand wandered over her right side she hissed. He pulled back and frowned at her. She tsked. "I'm fine. I'm still alive, after all."

"Still alive does not mean fine." He would know. "What happened? You were attacked. Was it DuPuis? I knew there was something wrong with him."

"Oh you knew?" She smiled coyly at him. "Of course you knew." She kissed his tightened jaw.

"Marian, this isn't funny. What happened?" He pulled back to give her a stern look. It only made her smile larger.

She shrugged. "DuPuis was a blood mage. We chased him around his estate, as he summoned waves of demons for us to happily dispatch. Nothing like a blood mage battle to get the joys out of life." Cullen was not amused. She smiled and kissed his jaw again. "We cornered him, finally, and killed him."

He stared at her, his blood pounding through his ears. "Blood mage." He needed to report this. Now. He tried to pull away, but she caught him.

"Where are you going?" Her grin gone.

"I have to report this." He would wake up the ferry man. In a few hours they could have men at the estate.

She pulled away and pouted. "But...don't you want to check me for any more injuries." She grinned and kissed him on the neck, slowly winding her hands under his shirt. He hissed.

"Maker, Marian. Really? I need to-" Her hands were very distracting. They danced across his stomach and around to his back. Maker her hands lit fires in him. He grabbed her and pulled her head back so he could kiss her.

There was pulling and kisses until she could coax him up the stairs. Until for a second he could forget that he had a duty to the templars. When the door to the bedroom closed, blood mages were miles away from his brain.

He found three large bruises, or what would form bruises come morning. One on her side, one on her hip and another on her leg. He tried asking her about them, but she kissed him until he was breathless each time.

She enjoyed taking his shirt off by herself. Teasing across his skin. Kissing him everywhere. He was gentle with her. Slowly taking off her dress and kissing all the places where there had been a rip. She smiled when he finally found her mouth. Her hands fumbled at his trousers until he reached down to help her. "You aren't too tired?" He asked. She was so pliable in his arms that he suspected some of it was due to exhaustion.

She chuckled and pulled him back down to her. He couldn't get over the idea that this woman, this beautiful, wonderful, powerful, woman, desired him. It made his head spin. Surely there must be some mistake.

When Marian asked to see him, he was confused until she gestured towards his groin. He let her explore him without trying to interfere. The pleasure she caused nearly driving him over the edge. But he stayed still so that she could continue torturing him.

She chuckled and kissed his chest. "This is fun. You are trying so hard to not move."

He opened his eyes. She was smiling brightly at him, her blue eyes mischievous. "It is fun to see me so undone?"

"Only when I am the one doing the undoing." She rolled on top of him and kissed him. "It is nice to know the stern Knight-Captain has to give in to his desires every once in a while."

He growled and, grabbing her, rolled them both over so he was on top. "You are my only desire, my wife," he whispered in her ear. "And you are the only one who can do this to me." After that they moved with each other, slowly building up the pace, learning each other. He wanted to carve her body into his memory so that he would never forget what she felt like.

She opened her eyes and he brushed a soft kiss against her lips. "I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too."

He rolled off her carefully and she curled up next to him. Her head over his heart as she listened to it beat.

Cullen sighed against the pillows. "I still need to report this."

"You can report it in the morning," She mumbled sleepily against his chest.

He ran a hand over his face. Maker what was happening to him?

"He's dead. Can't hurt anyone, anymore." He heard her breathing soften and he leaned back. Maybe she was right. At least for tonight. If the man was dead, it could wait until the morning.


	19. Chapter 19

_Author's Note: There's an accompanying chapter with Garrett and Isabela posted on Archive of our own and the link is in my Author's profile. Thank you kaysue18 for being an awesome beta._

* * *

Chapter 19:

"Mother?" Marian was surprised when she opened the door that morning to Leandra Hawke.

Her mother had never come to the dock district to visit her. Normally, they met in Hightown for a few hours. At least, when she hadn't been speaking to Garrett that's what they had been doing. Now that her brother and her were back on speaking terms she figured she could visit her mother at the estate. So she was especially surprised to see her there that morning.

"Good morning, Sweetheart." Leandra came in and looked around. Marian suddenly felt self-conscious about her small home with Cullen. It was nothing as grand as the estate Garrett had. But she liked it. Over the months living here, Marian had felt completely at home, something she had never experienced before. It was one of the reasons she didn't stay out late with the gang anymore. She liked coming home to the small house by the docks, where Cullen waited for her and smiled when he greeted her. "I thought I would come by this morning and see how you were doing. I heard Garrett and you made up yesterday?"

"Um...we did." She had needed his help and as much as the man hated to admit it, Marian knew he had missed her. But her brother would never apologize, and neither would she. The Hawkes were stubborn that way.

"That's good. I'm so glad you two are finally speaking to each other again." Leandra looked around and Marian saw the slight grimace at the bookshelf in disarray. She turned back to her daughter with a stale smile. "I hear you and Cullen are doing well."

"We are happy, yes."

"That is great. I knew he was a fine man."

"You did, did you?" Marian bit back the angrier comment she had for her mother's lack of interest in who her daughter was carted off to.

"I trust your brother to take care of you. Garrett can be difficult at times, but he cares about you. I knew he would never put you with someone that would hurt you."

Marian shook her head. She knew it was futile to argue with her mother, but couldn't stop from saying. "Garrett can be more than difficult, mother."

"He has always protected ___you_."

"He has protected all of us, mother."

Leandra sighed and looked away. "Some better than others." She muttered. Marian closed her eyes and pinched her nose. She didn't want to argue. Not today.

She opened her eyes and smiled widely at her mother. "I'm glad you came by."

Leandra smiled back at her daughter. Marian briefly wondered whether her mother was as oblivious as she appeared, or if Garrett got his conniving ways from her. "Me too. It's nice here. I can see you've made it your home. I'm glad I get to see one of my children make a home for themselves."

"Garrett's made a home," She said a bit defensively. Maker, what did they go down into the blighted Deep Roads for if not to make a home for their mother?

"I suppose he has." Leandra said with a slight frown.

When Marian had finally ushered her mother out of her house, she leaned against the door and sighed. Why must her mother be so difficult? Why must she always point out what was wrong and not what was right? Why couldn't she just come by and be happy that for once Marian was happy?

She shook her head. Her mother would never change.

* * *

Cullen stared at Moira. "Ser Emeric is dead?"

Moira nodded her head. "Yes, Ser. Serah Hawke was there, um...your wife, Ser. She says that there were shades when she arrived and that she found Ser Emeric dead. She says it's connected to the missing women."

He ran a hand through his hair. Marian had once again come to the Gallows to talk to Ser Emeric. When she had found out that Ser Emeric had already left to find her, supposedly on a message from Marian that she never sent, she had gone running after him. Cullen had quickly dispatched Moira to go after both of them, though he had desperately wanted to do it himself. But Meredith's orders were that he was not to run around Kirkwall if it could be helped. Now he found out that one of his templars was dead and the murderer his wife thought she had caught the night before had gotten away. He ground his teeth. This couldn't get any worse.

He had dispatched several templars to the DuPuis estate that morning as soon as he got in. Meredith had asked him why he had not come in the previous night. He had made up an excuse that Marian had been hurt and had stayed at her brother's estate until that morning so she had not told him until she saw him that morning. He doubted the Knight-Commander bought his lie, but for the time it didn't matter. All that mattered now was that his wife had once again put herself in danger, with fade creatures attacking her, and he had been nowhere to protect her. And that one of his most senior templars was dead, and there was a murderer, who could summon fade creatures, which automatically made them mage and probably a blood mage with Kirkwall's luck, running around Kirkwall. He had to get to the bottom of this, quickly.

* * *

"Marian!" Garrett stormed into the house while they were sitting down to eat. Cullen was up and at the door before she could stand.

"Hawke." He glared at the man. This was his house. He wasn't about to be yelled at, or let Marian be yelled at, by her troublesome brother. It had been long day and Marian had sent him a note earlier telling him they should talk about the murderer since she was positive it was a mage and wanted his help. They had just sat down to eat and she was telling him about what she had found out from DuPuis mansion and the death of Ser Emeric when the door had burst open.

"Where's mother?" Garrett asked, completely disregarding Cullen's glare.

"I...haven't seen her since this morning," Marian said. Her face was slowly losing blood as she looked at her brother.

"Shit." Garrett turned back towards the door. He glanced back at his sister. "Mother's missing. I thought I'd check here first. We need to go look for her."

Marian was nodding. Cullen caught her arm before she walked by him. "Surely she's just late getting home." He saw the worry in his wife's eyes.

"She was given white lilies." Hawke said quietly. The last of the blood left Marian's face.

"I'm going," Cullen said suddenly.

She shook her head. "No. Stay here...just in case. Just in case mother comes here."

He tried to argue, but she would have none of it. So he watched her leave with her brother and felt his heart sink. If she was hurt...

* * *

Cullen paced across the hearth. It had been a few hours and he had heard nothing from Marian or Garrett. After Marian had left, Cullen had gone down to the docks, woken the ferry man and told him to bring a message to the Gallows. He hoped for templar reinforcements. If this was a mage, Marian and Garrett were ill-prepared for the battle. They needed a templar, they needed lots of templars and him. After an hour, no returning message came from the Gallows and Cullen ground his teeth in frustration. Either no one understood the urgency of the message or Meredith disregarded it completely. Either way, he suspected no templars were coming. He tried to leave the house several times, but no one he questioned knew where the Hawkes had gone. His worry only increased.

He was wearing out the carpet in front of the fire when the front door shut quietly. Cullen turned quickly. His eyes fell on Marian. She stood in the doorway, not moving, simply staring at him. Her blue eyes shining brightly and she was barely keeping it together. He was racing across the room to her before thoughts were forming. As his arms went around Marian, her knees gave out and he held her up. He slowly sank to the ground, careful not to hurt her. Her body wracking with sobs.

Cullen didn't need to hear what happened. He knew. He held her and let her cry, let her mumble incoherently against his shoulder. The only words he understood were, "Too late. Always too late." He didn't need to hear the story. He only knew he needed to be there for her. He stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. Holding her tightly against him as he had once wished someone would hold him. He knew about horrors. He knew about feeling too late, about being the only one left alive. But he wouldn't let Marian be alone. He would never let her feel that way, not while he was alive. Perhaps he had been kept alive for something.

"She's dead." Marian's voice broke through the sobs. "My mother is dead. And it's all my fault."

"Shh. No it isn't, my love. It isn't your fault." She cried against him, her fingers twisting through his shirt to hold him closer. To hold on to him for dear life. Realizing they couldn't stay on the ground all night, Cullen wrapped his arms around her legs and her and lifted. He brought her up the stairs. She was silent for a time, listening to his heartbeat. When they reached the bedroom, he laid her down and curled himself around her protectively, holding her tight. He should have been there. Even as the thoughts formed his heart hurt with the realization. He should never have let her leave this house without him.

When Marian finally fell into an uneasy sleep, he held her in his arms. He would send word tomorrow to the Gallows. Unless Meredith herself showed up on his doorstep, he was staying here for the next few days to look after Marian. He wasn't going to leave her alone, not after this, not after losing her mother.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20:

"A-Anders? What in the blazes are you doing here?" Marian stared speechless at the Grey Warden apostate standing in her doorway. It was the middle of the afternoon and she was positive she had never seen him out of the clinic at this hour unless she dragged him away to do some task for her brother. Mostly she had dragged him out of the clinic when they were trying to get coin for the expedition and he would complain that she only did it to watch him and she would jest that he enjoyed watching her just as much as she did him. But that was then, and Marian hadn't seen him since the night before the wedding. That was...Maker that was months ago.

He looked terrible. Thinner than the last time she had seen him. The hair on his face was longer too. She wondered when the last time was he had a full night's sleep. His eyes were downcast and he looked very uncomfortable.

"I heard about your mother...I wanted to...I should have come by..."

"You didn't go to the funeral," she mumbled looking awkwardly down at the ground. Not that she had expected him to. But he had been the one person she thought was her friend before this whole mess of marriage.

"Your...husband was there."

She nodded. She had never told Cullen about Anders. She had decided it was better if he didn't know. She also didn't tell him about Merrill: that would be a disaster.

"Do you want to come in?" She gestured inside. Anders hesitated a moment before nodding and entering the house she shared with Cullen.

"Never thought I would be invited into a templar's house. Especially not one that belonged to a Knight-Captain."

"Well it's my house too." She closed the door when he came in. Cullen wouldn't be home for hours, and she would make sure Anders left far before that.

They both stood awkwardly in the entry. The silence stretched on for minutes and Marian adjusted her blue dress, smoothing out the non-existent wrinkles. She wasn't sure how she felt about Anders being there. He had hurt her the last time they spoke and she worried his opinion of her hadn't changed with time.

"I'm sorry." He finally blurted out, running his hand through his hair. He shifted and looked at her. His brown eyes like the biggest puppy dog she had ever seen. "I should never have said what I did the night before your wedding. It was...stupid and...And I didn't mean any of it. I was just...angry. I didn't want you to marry Cullen. I didn't want you to marry anyone!"

Marian stared at Anders. She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it, unsure of what to say.

"The thing is...I've been beating myself up for months because of it. Because I should never have said that. And I should never have hurt you." Anders took a step towards her. His eyes so earnest and sad. He opened his mouth to say something.

"Did you have anything to do with the explosion at my wedding?" She asked quietly.

His eyes went wide and he took a step back. Anders opened his mouth several times, his brow furrowing. Finally, he spurted out, "Ho-how could you...think that? How could you think I was capable of that?!" He took another step back, shaking his head. His voice rising. "Your ___husband _is the one who slaughtered those responsible! You think if I had anything to do with it I would still be here; that I'd still be alive?!"

"I'm sorry." She hadn't expected him to get so angry. She hadn't even meant to ask it. It had just slipped out.

"Sorry? You think I would be ___here _if I had anywhere else to go?"

She felt sick and closed her eyes against the pain. "I'm sorry I am your last resort. And I don't even know why you are here."

Anders turned away from her so he wouldn't see the pain he caused, again, and ran a hand through his hair, trying to calm himself down. She watched as he visibly collected himself before turning back to her. "Marian...let me start over."

"This I have to hear." She shot at him, angry that he would come into her house, seek her out, only to hurt her again. She didn't want to deal with any more pain in her life, she had enough as it was.

He ground his teeth. "You don't have to make this so difficult. I am trying to ask for your help. I need your help." She simply looked at him curiously. He threw up his hands. "But you know what? I don't even know why I am here. I would be better off asking your brother. For all the good that would do me."

He tried to push past her, but she put her hands up and stepped in his way. "J-just tell me what you want, Anders. I'll try to help if I can." She was worried about him. Even if she did feel the world slip out from under her whenever he spoke harshly. He had been a friend. If she hadn't married Cullen they might have been more. If he had ever decided to let her get that close. Her failed attempts at flirting with him resurfaced and she felt hot with embarrassment just thinking about his rebuffs. If he needed help she would try to help him.

* * *

"What's wrong?" Cullen asked, halfway through dinner that night. He put down his food and turned to Marian.

"N-nothing." She gulped and looked down at her plate. She had barely been picking at the food.

"You've been quiet. Nothing bothering you?"

"No. No, nothing bothering me."

He looked at her curiously. Marian Hawke wasn't a very good liar. But as much as he wanted to pry out of her what was wrong, he knew he had to give her space. She would tell him in time, he hoped.

She had been having a hard time since her mother died. While he occasionally saw Hawke at the Gallows shopping for new weapons or arguing with the merchants, Marian rarely went out. She stayed indoors, or if the pirate was very persuasive she would go to the Hanged Man for a few hours. She was very...closed off, even with him, despite all his best attempts. Since that night Leandra died, Marian had distanced herself from everyone, even him.

Cullen sighed and finished his meal in silence. He didn't think tonight would be the night he got her to open up. He simply hoped time would make it better, would heal her wounds.

When she was done picking at her meal she took a deep breath. "I'm...uh...going out tomorrow."

He perked up. "Oh. That's good." He smiled at her, but she didn't return it.

She nodded absently. "Yea...so if I'm not home...when you get back...I-uh I went out."

His brows furrowed. "Went out where?" He didn't like the sound of this.

"Out."

"Marian."

"Out! Maker, Cullen I don't need to tell you everything I do! This isn't the Circle and I am not one of your mages that has to jump when you tell me to!" He flinched and she stormed out of the dining room. He heard the thud of a door being slammed.

He sighed and massaged his face with his hands, hoping it might lead him to an answer. She was hiding something. And he would be sleeping in the guest room again.

* * *

Marian stared down at the corpses of men dressed in shining armor; the flaming sword etched on their breastplates. "Maker...what have we done?"

"We killed templars. It's what we do, Marian," Anders growled at her. His blue eyes burning as he looked over the pile of dead templars.

"N-no." She shook her head, disbelieving. She felt sickened. She didn't kill templars. Killing templars was a horrible thing to do. It was a sure way to bring more templars down on apostates. It was a sure way to be caught and hauled off to the Gallows.

"Yes. You did." He turned to her. The blue showing through his robe, where cracks in his skin must be. He grabbed her chin to lift it up. She saw the burning Fade in his eyes. "And you would do it again."

"Cupcake." Isabela walked up and gently pulled Marian away from Anders. "We should get out of here before more of them show up." She was looking at the templars. Marian thanked the Maker that she had enough sense to bring someone else along with her.

She was about to leave with Isabela when she stopped. "The girl," she whispered. Looking over at where the Circle mage was huddled on the ground crying. The Circle mage who had been being abused by Ser Alrik and caused their precious plan to fall apart in battle.

Anders stalked over to the mage. "Are you with them?" Marian saw the flash of blue across his body and pulled away from Isabela.

She felt Anders pulling on his power. She saw the girl cry something.

"Anders! NO!" She reached him. Grabbing his arm and pulling him away from the girl. "She's not a templar! Don't do this." He stumbled and then went down on his knees. She felt the power draining from him and the blue across his body fade.

"Maker..." He looked up at her. His face aghast. His brown eyes anguished "Wha-what have I done?" He looked from her to the girl and then shook his head and fled.

Marian stared after the retreating back of the Warden.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21:

Cullen dragged his feet as he entered the house and shut the door behind him. It was well past dark and he was exhausted. Beyond exhaustion, really. Ser Alrik had gone missing that morning. Then he was found. That had been a load of paperwork. Not to mention Meredith going mental that someone could kill five templars under the Gallows. And then there was the matter of the escaped mage. Security had been increased, mages had been confined to their rooms, templars and mages interrogated, the whole day had been a mess.

He groaned. The man hadn't even been a **good** templar. Cullen had heard the rumors about him. Not that he could do anything without evidence, but he knew they were likely true. It grated him that every time he tried to talk to the Knight-Commander about his suspicions, she wrote him off like his opinion on the men didn't matter. Well it did matter. He sighed. Well, it had mattered. Not that it did anymore. The man was dead. But still. The matter was he had been a templar. And he had been murdered under the Gallows. And there was a missing mage. The day couldn't have gone worse.

All he wanted to do was see Marian, hold her, and eat a good solid meal. As he trudged through the living room he heard voices and stopped.

"Anders. You have to leave."

"Marian...I can't. If it hadn't been for you...that girl would have died."

"Please."

Cullen crossed the living room quickly and pushed open the door to the dining room. His eyes widened at the sight.

Marian pressed against another man. His lips on hers. His arms around her.

"Tell me you feel the same," The blonde-haired ruffian said when he broke the kiss, resting his head against hers.

The floor was no longer under his feet. He was sure if he looked down he would see only sky and he would be falling. He couldn't be seeing what he was. It was a Fade dream, a nightmare surely. Maker tell him it wasn't real. It was just an illusion...like everything else.

She turned and seeing him, her eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly. Her mouth...which was wet from the kiss. Shock gave way to rage. Hot anger flooding his veins. Red shrouding the corners of his vision.

The man turned to see Cullen standing there. The only thing he could think was that the man looked incredibly familiar, like he should know him. The man's jaw tightened and his eyes narrowed.

"Cullen!" Marian shouted in surprise.

He watched as the man backed away a few steps. His eyes turning a strange shade of blue. Cullen felt the Fade rolling off him. A mage of all things.

"You don't deserve her!" He shouted at Cullen, his voice incredibly deep.

Cullen felt a shiver roll through him. That was not a natural voice. An abomination. He gathered the energies around him and concentrated. Pulling out his sword and stepping forward. His mind set on one thing only: the only way to handle an abomination.

"No! Cullen, no! Please!" Marian was walking toward him, pleading. He never took his eyes off the man. When she had reached him, he grabbed her arm and pulled her behind him. He wouldn't let the abomination harm her.

He wondered if it had been trying to tempt her. Trying to turn her abomination too. It wouldn't have her. Not while he still breathed.

Cullen felt the once-mage gathering his power and he stuck. His smite severing the abominations ties to the Fade. It wasn't over yet. Abominations were incredibly strong.

The man's eyes started wide. The blue gone. He looked smaller. Almost human. "Marian..." He pleaded. Cullen advanced. Ready to strike when he was within distance.

"Don't you dare address her, abomination," he growled as he stalked forward.

He felt the stirring of power behind him and was suddenly struck with electricity. The blow stunning him momentarily. Enough time for the abomination to run past him and out of the living room.

Cullen spun on instinct. Lashing out with a smite and bringing his sword around.

He stopped dead, his anger falling away as soon as he saw her. Marian stared at him, her blue eyes large as saucers. He knew where the electricity had come from, but he was having a hard time believing it.

He glanced toward the door, but the man was long gone. He didn't understand and when he turned back to his wife, he asked disbelievingly, "Why?! You let him get away, Marian! What in the Maker's name were you thinking?!" He stepped forward, agitation and fear at an abomination getting away from him making the heat of anger return slightly.

She took two steps back. Shaking her head. Her eyes filled with fear. She put her hands up. "Don't hurt me, Cullen."

He stopped and stared at her. He had thought her fear was of the abomination. But...he realized that it was...of him. He looked down at the silverite sword with the blazing symbol of the templars in his hands. The sword he used to kill mages, apostates, abominations...people. He dropped it on the ground.

He closed his eyes and took a breath to calm himself. When he opened his eyes he saw that she had taken another step away from him. "I would never hurt you," he whispered. He knew he could never hurt her. Never hurt the woman he loved so dearly. Even as she had hurt him. He tried to push that thought down and focus on the more important task ahead of him. He had to find the abomination. If she knew where it had gone he could run to the Gallows, gather some men, and track it down.

Marian stayed very still where she was standing. Watching him. She looked from the sword to him. He waited. The silence stretched between them.

"What were you thinking?" He finally asked, exasperated.

"It's not what you think."

Hotness ran through him. "Not what I think! ARE YOU MENTAL? That was an abomination, Marian! And you let him GET AWAY!" He needed to know, to understand. Maybe he had charmed her somehow. Or she had really poor aim and the spell had been meant for the abomination and not to stop him from silencing it forever.

"He's not an abomination, he's a man, Cullen," she said calmly.

"That was no man," he growled, taking a step towards her. Maker didn't she know what abominations looked like? But he hadn't either, until he met his first one in Ferelden. Until Uldred. He glanced down at her dress and noticed splatters of blood he hadn't seen before. Marian tried to cover them with her hands and took a step back. He pointed at them with his gauntleted hand. "What's that? What happened?" Had she been hurt? Had the abomination hurt her? He felt anger course through him at the thought. He would find him and murder it.

"N-nothing." He took another step towards her, but this time she moved so she was closer to the door. She glanced back at it quickly, as if seeing how fast she could run to it.

He didn't understand her reaction. "Did the abomination do this?"

She shook her head and fidgeted with her dress. Clearly uncomfortable. "N-no. It's nothing. Nothing happened."

He ground his teeth, frustrated with her not telling him anything. Of all the times for her to be obstinate. "I know you're lying." After everything, why wouldn't she just tell him?

She glanced at him frightened. "I...was healing...someone...earlier."

"STOP LYING TO ME!" He took a step towards her. Worry making him panic. What if she was in league with the abomination? No. Impossible. But...what if?

Marian took another step towards the door. She was shaking slightly. "It's nothing. Really."

"There is blood on your dress, and I come home to see you making out with abominations. You think I will buy that nothing happened?!" His voice rose in anger.

"He's not an abomination. He is...was my friend."

He decided her attempting to run away from him was useless. He wasn't going to let her get away. He quickly moved and Marian sensing it tried to turn and leave, but he grabbed her arms and pulled her back around. "**Was** is right, because he isn't human anymore," he growled. He needed her to see that.

"Don't say that." She fought against him. Her face white.

He held on tighter and she flinched. "Accept the truth of it then. And tell me why you have blood on your dress. Whose is it?" He demanded.

She struggled vainly. "Stop. Cullen, please. I didn't mean to. It wasn't supposed to happen that way." He saw tears in her eyes even as he watched her try to push them down.

"What? Maker, Marian what happened?" Panic rising in his throat. Fear lacing his veins. What had happened?

"Anders...he asked me to help him. I-we were friends. But I didn't know. I didn't know what he planned. And they attacked us. And...Cullen they attacked us. There was nothing I could do. I couldn't stop him. I had to protect myself."

"Who attacked you?" He demanded. They wouldn't live when he found them.

She shook her head and tried to pull away from him.

Cullen shook her. "Who?!"

Tears fell down her face and he heard her choke out, "Alrik."

He released her and she fell. He stared down at a woman he didn't recognize. He opened his mouth several times, but no words would come out. Marian had killed his templars. She had killed five templars and let a Circle mage escape. He felt cold.

"He attacked us, Cullen." She begged from the ground. Huddled in a ball, shaking.

"You killed templars, Marian." His voice held no emotion and she flinched. He glanced at his sword on the ground. She killed templars. And consorted with an abomination. Who was she?

"He...he was hurting that mage. He was going...to do horrible things to her. He was evil!"

"That does not mean you take justice into your own hands!"

"That's what templars do!"

"You aren't a templar."

She pulled her legs to her and put her head on them. He sat there watching her for several minutes, the anger boiling through his blood. He wanted to yell at her, shout, do something to make her understand what she had done and the repercussions of it. Instead, she just sat huddled, the fight gone. He sighed and turned away. He needed to think about this. Marian had just killed five templars. That had happened. He had two options. He could either take her to the Gallows or...or forget he ever heard her say that. Cullen closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Alrik had been a case...but did that excuse his murderer going unpunished? He looked at Marian. She was huddled on the ground, her head on her knees, shaking lightly with tears. She wasn't even trying to leave as she had earlier. Even as he stood there deciding her judgment.

He ran a hand through his hair. Most days he was fine with being a templar. Today was one of those days he wished he wasn't. He looked back at the woman he loved sitting on the floor, terrified of him and his decision. If he had been asked a year ago what he would do in such a situation the answer would have been clear; justice would have been served. But his emotions clouded his judgement and he knew that he could do nothing to harm her. A part of him hated himself for not being able to do the right thing, another part was glad he wasn't. Cullen walked over to her and knelt down. She flinched, but didn't try to move away.

"Marian," he said softly.

She sniffed and turned her head, though he wasn't able to see her through the mess of hair covering her face.

He blew out his breath and decided. "Ser Alrik died today under the Gallows." He rested his hand on her back. "The templars suspect the runaway mage had something to do with his death. Though it is unlikely one mage could escape five templars, it is also possible the mage underground helped." He put his other hand under her legs and lifted, picking her up easily. "As far as anyone is concerned my _wife_ has nothing to do with the mage underground. Understood?"

Marian picked up her head and stared at him. Her blue eyes so wide and stunned. A few tears ran down her face. Maker she had been so frightened. Frightened of him. He kissed her head and leaned his forehead against hers.

"You're not angry?" She whispered, her throat still raw from crying.

"I'm beyond furious, my dear. I cannot even begin to forgive you for what you have done. But that doesn't mean I am going to turn you over to the templars." Not yet anyway. His heart sank at that. But he had to know for sure she wasn't consorting with abominations. If she was...

She nodded as he walked out of the dining room and up to the stairs. A hot bath would calm her down. Then he would find out everything he could about the abomination and go hunt him.

"I need you to promise me something."

She nodded and sniffed.

"First, you will tell me everything you know about that abomination. Second, you are never to see him again. Understood?" He would protect Marian from everything, even herself if he had to.

She stiffened. He reached the room and set her on the bed while he ran the water. When he helped her into it she rested her hand on his cheek and looked at him. Her eyes were red. "I promise," she whispered.


	22. Chapter 22

_Explicit version of chapter on archive of our own. /works/758697/chapters/1717612 Link in Author's profile. Thank you to Kaysue18 for being an amazing beta._

* * *

Chapter 22:

The few months after the disaster with Anders were tense between Marian and Cullen. She knew he was still furious at her. Marian understood that what she had done was wrong; that she shouldn't have gone with Anders that day, knowingly following him into the Gallows in secret, and that she certainly shouldn't have allowed him to kill those templars. But Ser Alrik had been a raving lunatic and from what she had learned later he had been one of the templars that found pleasure in terrorizing mages. After examining her actions and speaking with Isabela, blast it, even Aveline had agreed with her, Marian knew that she had done the right thing. She had saved that girl. She had probably saved countless other mages from Ser Alrik's tyranny.

But Cullen didn't agree with her and every time she tried to open the conversation up again he got cross and snapped at her. So Cullen didn't agree with her. Fine. She didn't need his approval on everything she did. She had told him enough about Anders so that he could look for him. Mostly, she had told him that she knew Anders spent some time in Darktown, but that he was always moving and that she never knew where he would be next. With her dodgy information, the templars never found him. She knew Cullen knew she was keeping things back, but luckily neither of them cared enough to open that issue again.

She started going out with Isabela again. To the Hanged Man and out to hunt gangs come nightfall. Cullen slept in the guest room. She often didn't get home until late anyway. They hadn't spoken much since that night and every time they did she ended up storming out of the house. Garrett suspected, but she had begged Isabela not to tell him and the pirate had kept her word. As far as Marian was concerned, no one needed to know that there was trouble between her and Cullen. Hopefully, with time it would become water under the bridge, at least that's what she kept telling herself.

The fact was that Marian didn't know how to fix it. She had screwed up. She should never have let Anders into their house that night. She should never have told Cullen about the templars. After she had calmed down and Cullen had left that night she had realized how stupid she had been. She had been so terrified that Cullen would hurt her that she had just rambled out everything! She should have kept her mouth shut and everything would have been fine. But now she didn't know how to get his forgiveness. How to make this all go away. And she was far too stubborn to apologize. She shouldn't need to apologize for the Maker's sake. She had done something good!

She grumbled as she headed up the steps of the Viscount's Keep to visit Aveline. The guard captain had sent her a note asking if they could speak privately and that she had something to ask her.

"Marian, it's good to see you. I hear you've been keeping busy. About time you got out of the house." When Marian walked into her office Aveline smiled up at her from behind her large desk that was littered with papers, likely reports on the guard's activities in the city. She felt at ease in her friend's company. It was about time she felt that way somewhere.

"Believe me, the fresh air feels great. Even if it is covered in dust and dirt and smells like dwarven ale."

Aveline laughed. Then frowned. "Listen...I need your help with something. Just a small thing."

She held up a coin. Marian grinned. "I'm afraid you need more than that to take me out, old friend."

The guard captain scowled. "Don't be an ass. I need you to just take this and give it to guardsman Donnic. No questions." She said when Marian opened her mouth to speak.

She grabbed the coin and flipped it in the air before grabbing it. "Easy enough." She turned and left the guard captain's office.

* * *

"So, Donnic..." The guard looked up from his ale at Marian. She felt her face grow hot and looked back down into her mug. She was going to set Aveline on fire the next time she saw her.

"Uh...listen Serah Hawke..." He rubbed the back of his neck. Finally, he sighed. "I really can't do this. I mean...you're married and I only came because I assumed there would be other people here. I didn't take you for this sort of woman and your husband's a good man, from what I've seen of him, and well..." He stood up. "I'm a little ashamed." Then he walked towards the door.

Her face was crimson and she could only stare openmouthed at the guardsman's retreating back. She was going to kill Aveline.

* * *

"Can't she just ask him to bend her over her desk already? She's really bad at this." Isabela complained as they walked along the Wounded Coast slightly ahead of Aveline and Donnic.

"Not everyone can just ask those things," Marian said quietly, watching the waves in the distance. Last night had been mortifying. She had been so humiliated by Donnic's words that she had run home, her face still aflame. When she had hurried into her house, Cullen had been sitting in the chair by the fireplace. He had looked up and saw her bright red face and that she was slightly out of breath and had looked deeply confused and concerned. She had ran upstairs to escape any questions. She was afraid he would somehow have heard of her shameless behavior at the tavern. While sitting on her bed and trying to calm down she had heard a small knock on the door followed by Cullen's concerned voice.

"Is everything alright, Marian?"

She had wanted so badly to open the door to him and run into his arms, to feel the comforting embrace that only he could provide. But she knew that behind it would be questions and that he hadn't truly forgiven her yet. She wasn't ready to open that door. So she had shouted for him to leave her alone and when his footsteps had retreated back down the hall, she had cried.

She had been so angry at Aveline that morning that she had demanded she either tell the man her true feelings, to clear the book of Marian's name, or she would march over and do it for her. After a few minutes of Aveline grumbling and Marian's stony face, the guard captain had agreed and now they were making sure the two of them had 'alone time'.

Isabela glanced at her, seeing the mage's stormy thoughts behind her calm face. "And speaking of being bent over, you haven't either in a while."

Marian gave the pirate a sharp glance. She didn't need another reminder of the fact that her and Cullen hadn't made up yet and that she might have ruined her chance last night.

"Oh come on, I'm not dense. He's still angry at you for defending yourself?" She shook her head. "Can't you just tell him you're even now? After all, he went out and slaughtered four mages right after your wedding. Far as I'm concerned that makes you two square."

Marian rolled her eyes. "It's not that easy."

"Sure it is. If he really wants to take out his frustration...you could always let him. A good smiting never hurt anyone."

Marian stared openmouthed at the pirate, then blushed furiously and looked away.

Isabela laughed. "Just think on it, cupcake. Or maybe we'll take a trip to the Blooming Rose." She winked and Marian smacked her lightly on the shoulder.

* * *

Cullen was sitting in his study, finishing a report for Meredith. He heard the front door close and frowned. It was awfully early for Marian to be home, considering she had been avoiding him for months. It wasn't even past midnight yet. Though perhaps after whatever happened to her last night she had decided staying out past all Maker forsaken hours wasn't entirely a good thing. He shook his head and thought, ___Either that or someone is breaking in. _He sighed. ___Maybe the abomination came back and I can make short work of him and hide his body before she ____returns. _He doubted he would be so lucky.

The door to Cullen's study opened and he paused his writing. He listened as footsteps came up behind him and felt the corners of his lips tug. He knew those footsteps, though his smile faltered. He wondered what those footsteps were doing in his study after they hadn't spoken to him in such a long time.

Small hands went around his shoulders from behind and he leaned back into her embrace. She hugged him tightly around the shoulders, her head resting lightly on his shoulder. She moved along his shoulder and kissed his neck softly. She kissed up his neck to his ear which she gently nipped. He shivered. It had been months since she had touched him, and his body responded all too eagerly with a familiar tightening and heat lowering to his groin.

"Marian," he said huskily.

"Mmm." She kissed down his neck again. Her kisses lighting his body afire

"What are you doing?"

He felt her smile against his neck. Her hands were untying the laces of his shirt. "Apologizing."

The corners of his mouth lifted. "This is how you apologize, my dear?" She was pulling his shirt out of his trousers and he leaned forward so she could yank it over his head and off him. Then she turned his chair around so he could look at her. He stopped breathing. She stood naked in his study.

His blood began pumping faster. As he stared, her nipples hardened under his gaze and she rubbed her legs together, telling him she was as affected by him as he was by her.

She smiled at him. "Seems as good as any apology." Marian stepped closer and he reached out for her. "Unless you'd like me to stop?" She took a step back and his hand grasped air. "We could always go back to not speaking to each other."

Cullen tried to think clearly. His eyes roamed over her body. She still haunted his dreams at night and left him so wanting in the morning. And there she was, waiting for him, if he just grabbed it. He closed his eyes. "Sex isn't going to solve the problem," He said, though he hated himself for saying it.

Marian surprised him by laughing softly. With his eyes still closed she came closer. He could feel the heat of her body and restrained from opening his eyes. "Nothing will, Cullen." She moved the chair back and threw her legs around it, straddling him. He groaned. "I'm a mage and you're a templar. We aren't going to agree on everything. But if we can get past that...then we have a chance." She kissed his tightened jaw. Instinctually, he put his arms around her, the feel of her skin driving him mad.

"Where is this coming from?" He needed to know if she was genuine. That this wasn't some trick of his tired mind.

Her hands ran along his chest and she kissed it slowly. "Today I helped Aveline with a...small problem. When we got back to Kirkwall she reminded me that sometimes we just need to move past our differences. That sometimes love is more important than the petty things."

She briefly remembered her conversation with Aveline earlier.

"_Marian." She paused at the door to the guard captain's office as she was leaving. Aveline was smiling brighter than she had ever seen her. "Thank you."_

_Marian smiled in what she hoped was a genuine way. "I am just glad you are happy."_

_Aveline saw right through her. "You both need to stop being so stubborn. Tell Cullen how you feel. Or show him. Either way it's time to move past this." She walked up to her friend who was hesitating by the door. "He loves you, anyone with eyes can see it. You just need to remind him that you love him too." She squeezed Marian's shoulder. _

"And that has led to this?"

She chuckled against his chest. "Well, and Isabela reminded me just how much I missed you."

He opened his eyes. Her blue eyes smiled at him, twinkling mischievously. He loved her so much. He ran his hand up her back and pulled her closer to him, kissing her deeply. She scooted closer to him, rubbing against him and he made an appreciative noise.

She pulled back from the kiss and grinned at him. "Do you accept my apology?"

He looked at her, her grin genuine, her body flushed with desire. He chuckled. "I don't think you are quite done apologizing to me, my wife." She looked curiously at him. He grabbed her quickly and raised her off the chair in his arms. She squeaked, but he had already landed her on the desk, her legs hanging off. His ruined reports under her, but he didn't care.

There was a frenzy to their movements. Powered by need and desire. He needed to know she was there and she needed to know that he forgave her. They didn't last long, he was just barely able to hold on long enough for her to finish. They lay panting on the desk.

They stayed on the desk for several minutes, catching their breath. When he finally lifted his head to look at her, she was smiling at him. She gently ran her hand through his hair and stroked it.

"I love you. It might not always be easy, but I do." She pulled him up and kissed him gently.

"I love you too, my dear." He moved off her and pulled her up and into his arms. "If you want to try to make this work despite everything, then so do I." She smiled in his arms. Things would never be easy. He knew that. But she was right; they could always work through it if they loved each other.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23:

The pounding on the front door woke them both up. Cullen was out of bed in an instant, years of soldier training kicking in as he quickly grabbed his sword and stood at the ready. Marian blinked her eyes several times to make sure she wasn't still dreaming and shook her head to clear her mind. Then she heard the incessant pounding and what was possibly muffled shouting. Her heart began racing as she thought of what could have happened, of who would be pounding on their door at night.

"Stay here." He commanded, grabbing his shirt and throwing it over his head, already halfway out the door.

"To the Void with that." She growled, moving to the side of the bed and grabbing her night dress. Cullen was already halfway down the steps by the time she got to the door of their bedroom.

He kept the sword bared as he approached the door, the banging on it continuing.

"Knight-Captain, we have a situation!" Someone shouted, their voice muffled through the thick wooden door.

He grabbed the handles and opened the door. Three templars stood there, in full armor, one carrying a torch. "What happened?" He scanned the templars and saw that two of them were men who served at the Chantry full time and the third was from the Gallows night-shift.

"A situation at the Chantry, Ser. We need you to come immediately." The templar who had been banging on the door said. He was one of the templars from the Chantry.

Cullen heard bare feet padding against the floor as Marian walked up behind him.

"What's going on?" She asked.

He turned to her. She wore a light night dress and he purposely moved slightly to block her view from the men. "I have to go to the Chantry. Stay here."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Stop telling me that." Then turned to address his templars, pushing him aside. "What happened?"

The men shifted, clearly uncertain what to say and the night shift guard from the Gallows put his head down. Cullen didn't like the way the man who had previously spoken was looking at Marian.

"Perhaps the lady should come. Her brother was involved." The templar from night-shift said in the back. The one who had been speaking previously gave him a dark look and the templar looked down again.

"Garrett?" Marian looked worried.

His unease grew as they exchanged a look. What had Hawke gotten himself into now?

* * *

"Why didn't you come get me?" Marian asked, looking hurt at her brother. Together, she and Cullen had been able to pull Garrett out of the Chantry and get him back to the estate. The templars had wanted to keep him for more questioning, but Cullen had convinced them that was unnecessary. He was still at the Chantry getting the details of what exactly had happened for his report for Meredith. Marian had been surprised to see the Viscount there with his envoy of people milling about and she was even more surprised to find out that the Viscount had asked for her brother's help specifically.

"There wasn't time." Garrett shuffled through his papers on his desk, trying to look busy. As soon as they had arrived back at the estate he had said he had paperwork to do and tried to retreat back into his study despite the early hour of the morning. Marian would have none of that and had followed him, wanting the full story and to know why he hadn't involved her with this.

She shook her head, knowing he was evading her. "The Viscount told you about this yesterday morning. You then went to the Hanged Man. How was there no time to get me? You could have had Isabela run to catch me or Fenris or Aveline for that matter, since she was with you when you went to confront Varnell. In fact, I saw her a few hours earlier." She was frustrated that Garrett would take on the Chantry fanatics without her. She was even more worried that he had killed a templar and did not seem fazed by it at all. She had watched Cullen's jaw tighten when he found out. She doubted he would be angry at her, but he would be angry at Garrett for not telling him either. After all, all Garrett would have had to do was tell Cullen that one of his men was suspected of kidnapping Qunari and the whole thing could have been cleared up without bloodshed.

He shrugged and continued organizing his desk, not looking at her as he did. "It's nothing I couldn't handle on my own, Marian. Besides, you were safer at home...with Cullen."

"I don't care about what's safer!" She yelled at him. He looked up at her, his eyebrows knitting in surprise. She had been keeping her anger reigned in since she found out about Garrett's little escapade, but she wouldn't any longer. "I should have been there. You shouldn't have gone alone, Garrett."

He frowned. "I don't see why you are making this a big deal. And I wasn't alone."

"Oh, right. I almost forgot that everyone went with you. Everyone, except me!"

"Marian, you are blowing this out of pro-"

"NO, I'M NOT! How am I supposed to watch your back if you won't let me, Garrett! You're my brother and you expect me to just be content that you are going off and doing dangerous things without me. This isn't the first time either. Remember the Qunari powder? You didn't tell me about that either, and I could have helped. You were sick for weeks because of that blasted stuff."

"I'm fine now, aren't I?"

"Stop it! We've lost enough family as it is. I can't lose you too!" She was close to tears now and she sat down and looked up at him. She felt lost. "Please. Please don't leave me out of this anymore."

Garrett closed his eyes and sighed. When he opened them he came around the desk and kneeled down in front of her. "Marian...I can't...lose you either. Y-you know that. I...Maker, you really make things difficult." He looked into her blue eyes and she saw what he wanted to say. He had never been one for words. Their father always used to jest with him about it. Used to say Garrett was only eloquent when he wanted people to believe something that wasn't true, but that he couldn't express his own feelings to save his life.

She got off the chair and hugged her brother tightly. For everything that had happened, he was still her brother and the only family she cared about in Kirkwall, the only family she could still watch over and keep safe. He hugged her tightly, showing her exactly what he could never say.

* * *

By the time Marian got home from her brother's estate the sun was well up. There was a note on the mantle telling her that Cullen had gone straight to the Gallows from the Chantry and that he would likely be home late as the Knight-Commander would expect a debriefing. She sighed and crawled upstairs to go back to sleep, missing the few hours she could have been curled up next to him.

She spent the day listening to Isabela and Varric give her their elaborate retelling of her brother's adventures the night before. It didn't help. She didn't understand why nobody else but her worried about him. The way Varric and Isabela spoke, people would think that her brother was invincible, but she knew better. He could bleed, just like anyone else.

She went home in a melancholy and remembered that Cullen wouldn't be home for hours more, so she made dinner and tried to pass the time by reading one of Cullen's novels that he kept on his bookshelf in the study. She took it downstairs and curled up on the sofa near the fire. He had told her that when he watched over the mages at the tower in Ferelden he would sometimes read over their shoulders.

"You wouldn't believe some of the things apprentices read." He had said, his ears growing red. She imagined they weren't as bad as some of Isabela's stories. Those could make the most experienced men blush. The story she was reading now was about a wizard who was trying to cure a sick princess.

Night fell while she was curled up by the fire. She didn't realize she had fallen asleep until she felt whiskers tickle her forehead. She giggled and opened her eyes to see Cullen smiling down at her.

"You didn't have to stay down here, love."

"I wanted to wait for you." She pulled him down to kiss him, his hands running under her and lifting her onto her feet. When they broke he rested his forehead against hers. "How were the Gallows today?"

He sighed. "Meredith was in an uproar. She wouldn't listen to reason. Despite all the evidence that Ser Varnell was going behind the Chantry's back she...she..." He sighed again. "It's been a long day and your brother definitely hasn't helped much."

"I know. I'm sorry. I wasn't very happy with him either. He should have taken me along."

Cullen pulled back and stared at her. "What?"

She smiled at him and ran her hand slowly through his hair. "I should have been there with him. When he went to face Varnell."

"No. No, you should not have been there. You were exactly where you were supposed to be and the last thing you should have been doing is off with your brother in the middle of the night hunting templars."

The last part came out harshly and her smile slide off her face. "I...I should have been there. Watching his back, protecting him, Cullen. He shouldn't have been there alone."

He watched her for a moment before asking quietly. "And what about me? You would have left me alone?"

Her eyebrows knitted. "I...Cullen...he's my brother. I need to protect him."

He kissed her slowly, pulling her close and running his hands down her back. He kissed down her jaw and up to her forehead. Then he took her face gently between his hands and looked into her eyes. "Who will protect you if you are off trying to protect your brother?" There was pain in his eyes and she stayed silent. He kissed her forehead again. "You're the only person I have, love. But I can't protect you if you don't let me." His eyes were so sad that she felt her heart ache for him.

She couldn't form the words for him so she swallowed them and nodded. Then grabbed him and kissed him passionately. Perhaps the Hawkes couldn't always say what they felt, but they could certainly show it.

* * *

"Aw, good, you're both here." Garrett came up to her and Isabela's table at the Hanged Man. Isabela winked at him and Marian pretended not to notice.

She was about halfway done with her ale and not nearly drunk enough to deal with the two of them in a room together, but as she looked up she saw that Fenris and Aveline were with him and their expressions were stony. "What's wrong?"

"The Viscount's son is missing." Aveline replied curtly. Garrett nodded and took a drink from Isabela's cup.

"The Arishok told me that Seamus is supposed to meet his father at the Chantry. Only problem is that I just came from speaking to his father and he made no mention of such a meeting." Garrett was clearly annoyed with this. "So we are all going to go to the Chantry and make sure little Dumar is safe." He finished Isabela's drink and raised his eyebrow at them. "You two coming?"

Isabela got up. "Wouldn't miss it. Seamus is turning into such a man, might be worth another look." Garrett's expression darkened a tad and Isabela smiled a bit wider.

She got up. "I'll come." A little trip to the Chantry wouldn't hurt anyone. She grabbed her staff that was leaning against the wall. It had been Cullen's idea that she carry it around with her more. He was always worried about her traveling the dangerous streets of Kirkwall and he said that the blade Garrett had put on the end during their first year in the city would detract cutthroats from stopping her in the street. So far it had worked. Together, the five of them headed towards Hightown and the Chantry.

* * *

Cullen walked quickly up the steps and into the Chantry. By the Maker, could anything more go wrong? When he came through the giant gilded doors, two of his templars saluted him. He turned to one.

"Debrief."

The templar seemed a little shocked, at first, to be addressed by the Knight-Captain, but he wanted an on-site report of what had happened.

"Uh...well, Ser...you see." He stopped him with his hand and turned to the other.

"You."

This templar was quicker than the first. "Seamus Dumar is dead, Ser. So is Sister Petrice, who the Grand Cleric has said was involved in the death of Seamus Dumar. The Hawkes are here as well, Ser. And the Viscount. The Grand Cleric and the sisters are taking care of the body now, Ser."

Cullen nodded and felt the worry lines on his forehead increase. The Hawkes were there. Why were the Hawkes always there? He walked deeper into the Chantry until he came upon the Hawkes' ragtag group. The guard captain was missing, his initial report said that she was keeping order as the news of the Viscount's son's death spread. Garrett watched him as he approached and Marian was staring blankly at the ground. She had spoken highly of Seamus, she had said he would make a fine ruler one day. He guessed she was taking his death badly and sure enough, when she looked up at him, he saw the lines of tears on her face and her eyes were red.

He pulled her into a quick embrace and whispered, "It's not your fault," into her ear. She wouldn't believe him. Not the first time. It would take him saying it about fifteen more times before she started to believe him. He felt her head shake against his shoulder and knew his work was cut out for him.

When he let her go, he turned to Garrett. "Alright, tell me what happened." He wondered if this had been Garrett's plan all along; not to keep Marian safe from the templars, but to use Cullen whenever he found himself in templar territory. He wondered how many times he would be required to go to the scene of a crime because his brother-in-law was involved, or how many times Garrett would pull Marian into it as well.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24:

Marian sat on the edge of the bed staring at her entwined hands. She shook her head slowly. This couldn't be happening. She wasn't ready for this; she could never be ready for this. She sat on the bed for a long time wondering who she could talk to about it. She needed to talk to someone, at least to get it off her chest. Cullen was the obvious choice, but he was so busy at the Gallows and...she wasn't sure she was ready to talk to him.

Her brother would be no help. In fact, he might just make it worse. Aveline would be shocked and probably tell Marian all the bad things that could happen. Sebastian would say it was the Maker's will and that she should accept his guidance in her life. Isabela would put her at ease with a joke, but wouldn't really give her any good advice. Marian sighed. Varric...perhaps she could speak to him. But then again, he might just tell all of Kirkwall by the time dark fell. Fenris rarely spoke to her and she wasn't on speaking terms with Anders. Merrill would gush and then end up telling everyone incidentally.

Perhaps she should try Varric. Kirkwall would hear about it eventually. Maybe it would make it easier if they all found out through him. Maybe he could even throw in a dragon or two if she asked. She got up and walked out of the room, deciding to see if Varric was at the Hanged Man. She was almost at the stairs when she doubled back to get her staff. Better to be cautious than dead.

She was walking towards the Hanged Man when she heard screaming from up ahead. She stopped and looked around to see if anyone was in immediate danger, but the street was empty. Marian ran towards the screaming. When she reached the end of the road she heard a shout to her left and spun quickly to run towards it; knowing her brother's voice above everything. She heard screaming and saw flames and as she rounded the corner she saw Garrett, Aveline, and Varric fighting Qunari. She immediately grabbed her mana and cast a frost spell at the giant closest to Garrett. He swung his long sword and slashed the Qunari to pieces. He worked effortlessly with his blade, from years of practice and honing his skill, and Marian's skill with her spells slowed their opponents enough to allow the others to dispatch them quickly.

When the battle was over, she turned to Garrett. "What in the Maker's name is happening?"

"The Qunari are trying to take over the city." Aveline stated, catching her breath after the battle.

"What?!"

"We have to reach the Viscount's Keep." Garrett turned to her. "Go back home, lock your doors, and don't let anyone in."

"To the Void with that!" She shouted at him, clutching her staff in her hands as fear set in. "I'm going with you."

"No! It's not safe." Garrett's eyes were red and she wondered if he had slept at all last night.

"Don't tell me what is and isn't safe! We are sticking together, Garrett. I won't lose anyone else!" She saw the flicker of pain in his eyes.

He stared at her, she could tell he was trying to find a reason for her to go home, but eventually he conceded and nodded. "Fine. Then we better get going."

They made their way to Hightown, fighting Qunari, elves, and scavengers on the way. Varric explained what had happened to make the Qunari suddenly bent on destroying the city.

"Wait. Isabela stole some sacred Qunari text and...left?" She felt her heart fall to the ground and when she glanced at Garrett his shoulders stiffened at the mention of Isabela.

"Believe me, Hawkette, nobody saw that coming."

She stayed silent as they continued their path of destruction towards the Viscount's Keep. They rounded the corner into Hightown and heard the sounds of fighting. Marian saw Fenris in the middle of three Qunari, blade flashing and tattoos glowing. Garrett jumped in and she quickly cast a spell to freeze one solid. Varric shot another and Aveline went racing in, not be outdone by everyone else. When the last went down, Garrett turned to Fenris. "What are you doing here? Fighting Qunari alone. Are you mad?" He grabbed the elf, who had been hunched over taking a breather and looked him over for injuries.

"I was looking for you." As if that explained everything. Fenris stood up and shook Garrett off. Marian could see he only had one small scratch and since he generally didn't let her heal him unless it was a serious injury, she didn't even ask.

"Looking for me?" Garrett stared at Fenris in the most curious way and shook his head. "You'll get yourself killed, idiot." Then he turned and walked towards the Viscount's Keep.

They turned another corner and suddenly they were set upon by more Qunari, with a Saarebas. Garrett shouted and rolled behind a pillar, but the rest were too slow and Marian and her companions were thrown back by the blast of the Qunari's magic. The wind was knocked out of her, but she tried to scramble up. She felt Garrett gathering his templar abilities. He rounded behind the pillar and sent a powerful smite at the Saarebas. He stopped casting midflow and before Garrett could run toward the Qunari, a sword pierced his middle and he fell.

Marian stared as a woman stepped out from behind the fallen Qunari. She didn't need to be told who it was. She felt as if a bucket of ice had been washed over her. Knight-Commander Meredith was eyeing their party as she stood next to the fallen Qunari. She stopped when she saw Marian and her breath left her as her heart started beating wildly. Garrett stepped to the side gaining the Knight-Commander's attention and as those cold eyes left her, she felt the ability to move set in again.

"What can I do for you, Knight-Commander?" Garrett asked angrily, his whole body rigid and prepared for battle. He did not like the surprise of Meredith showing up out of nowhere and seeing them battle. For a second, Marian was happy she had not been able to use her own magic to stop the Saarebas. But what if the Knight-Commander could sense it in her?

"You are a templar." Meredith was staring hard at Garrett, her eyes cold as death.

Garrett relaxed slightly and the corner of his mouth quirked. "I've picked up a few tricks."

"Do not play coy with me, boy. That was a trained smite and only a templar trained by the Chantry could have performed it."

Garrett waved her off. "I believe we have better things to do. Or would you rather debate my background while the Qunari rip our city apart?"

"We will have the conversation eventually, Hawke," Meredith said coldly.

Garrett shook his head and walked past the Knight-Commander. "I have a city to save, templar."

Aveline came to stand by Marian and together they walked past Meredith. She could feel the woman's eyes on her.

"Hawke." Garrett barely turned to acknowledge the Commander. Meredith had her eyebrows knitted and her hand played with her sword, Marian didn't like the idea of the woman thinking. "Head to the Viscount's Keep. I will gather my templars. Together we can take down these heathens."

Garrett nodded and turned away from her.

* * *

They turned the corner into the heart of Hightown, where the Amell Estate was located, and Marian felt magic being cast. What in the blasted void was happening? If they continued to run into Saarebas, Garrett would run out of the energy needed to cast smites. Since the Qunari only used their mages for battle, they were incredibly powerful and she doubted the rest of them would survive without her brother's help. Marian's worry ended when she saw that it was not the Qunari mages fighting, but Circle mages instead. They were battling the Qunari in the middle of the courtyard, bodies littered everywhere. Without thinking, she quickly cast a freeze on one of the Qunari and threw a lightning bolt at a second. Arrows fell down on the Qunari from Bianca and soon the battle was over. She looked around. Most of the bodies weren't moving and her heart constricted. She heard a groan and ran over to the sound. There was an older elven mage groaning on the ground and she bent over to help him, but Garrett grabbed her and pulled her back.

"Don't be stupid." He growled under his breath, glancing from her to the mage on the ground.

The mage groaned as he pulled himself up and glanced at their party.

His eyes widened slightly as he looked at her and Marian realized what Garrett had been trying to avoid. The mage could feel the magic in her, just as she could in him. He knew she was a mage. Her heart quickened as she realized her fatal mistake. She couldn't believe she had been so stupid, but she hadn't interacted with any mages that didn't know who she was in a long time. She had forgotten that rule of her fathers: avoid any mage that will use your secret to their advantage. What was stopping this Circle mage from turning her in to the templars when he had nothing to lose?

Garrett stiffened and turned to the mage. It seemed all their secrets would get out today. She wondered if she ran for the city gate if she could get out of Kirkwall before the Qunari mess was dealt with and the templars turned their attention to her. But the idea of leaving Cullen cut too deep for her to consider it.

"Do we have a problem, mage?" He growled, his eyes dark as he glared at the elf. He knew mages could sense each other and sourly wished his sister had just gone home when he told her to.

The elf glanced from the two of them, his brow furrowing in frustration. He shook his head and turned around, looking around the courtyard at the bodies of his comrades. "No." The sound came out strangled and he ran to the closest body. "Not all of them." He dropped to his knees beside the body of a male mage. "Why didn't they just run?"

"First Enchanter Orsino." Marian looked up to see Meredith walking into the courtyard with a contingent of templars, coldly looking around at the dead mages with no feeling on her face. She quickly scanned the templars, but didn't see Cullen in their number and her heart dropped. Orsino looked up at Meredith from the ground, watching her approach with blank eyes. Marian felt her heart break for the man who had just lost so many close to him. "You are alive."

First Enchanter and Knight-Commander. Two people Marian could have happily gone her whole life without ever meeting. Orsino would turn her in. He had to, but perhaps she could have him stay quiet long enough for her to leave the city. As she watched the pain on his face, she made a split second decision. Perhaps if she showed this Orsino that she meant him no harm he wouldn't turn her in, at least not yet. She knew it was a long shot, but it was worth a try. She walked over to him and helped him to his feet. Then, gave him a sympathetic look and a squeeze of the shoulder as he stood. He looked into her eyes and she saw the decision he was reaching. Sometimes all it took was showing someone kindness. He gave her a small nod and turned to the Knight-Commander, his face hard. "Don't sound so relieved, Knight-Commander."

"Cut the niceties." Garrett interrupted as Meredith was about to speak. She glared at him. "The Qunari are in the Viscount's Keep. We need to head there." He pushed past the two powerful people and headed towards the Keep. Marian could feel the tension of power in the group. Meredith and Orsino exchanged a chilly glance and followed him.

* * *

"I believe I can answer that." Isabela walked through the doors of the Keep, a giant tome tucked under her arm.

"Isabela!" Marian grinned at the pirate from behind her brother. Thank the Maker. If Isabela gave the Qunari back the tome, they would leave and this whole disaster could be put behind them.

"Hi, Cupcake." She winked at her and turned to the Arishok. Garrett glared at her, crossing his arms as she came to stand beside him. She handed the tome to the giant. "Here. It's mostly undamaged, and still whole."

The Arishok held the tome gingerly in his hands. He touched the cover in reverence. "The Tome of Koslun." He turned and handed the tome off to one of the Qunari next to him.

Isabela turned to Garrett. She had a small smile on her lips as she looked at his angry demeanor. "At least I came back, right? Would have been here sooner if it wasn't for all the fighting."

He glared at her. "I don't know why you bothered. I was taking care of this."

She laughed. "Don't worry, sweet thing. I won't take the glory light away from you."

He turned to her. "This would all have been prevented if you had given me the book!"

"But I know how much you like a good fight." Her grin widening. "Gets you all...hot and worked up." Marian rolled her eyes and she saw Varric give a silent chuckle. "Besides, I had already left Kirkwall before I realized I had to turn around." She turned back to the Qunari and said out the side of her mouth, "It's your bad influence on me."

Garrett was still glaring at her when the Arishok came back from speaking to his soldiers.

"We have reclaimed the relic. Now we will return to Par Vollen...with the thief."

"What?!" Marian and Isabela both said. Garrett remained silent, watching the Arishok.

"Did you truly think you would get away with this unscathed?" Fenris growled.

"No. If anyone is kicking her ass, it's me. Not some Qunari bastard." Aveline said from beside him.

Garrett stood silently for a few moments, his eyes moving over Isabela.

"Don't be a bastard, Hawke. We both know you aren't going to hand me over to them."

He nodded slightly. "She's right. I am not going to hand her over to you, Arishok. You can leave with your relic peacefully, or...not peacefully."

The Arishok stared down at Garrett. "Then I will duel you for her, basalit-an."

"What?! No! If anyone duels you, it will be me." Isabela shouted at the giant.

"He will not duel you, he does not consider you worthy." Fenris growled.

"Fine. A duel."

"No. Hawke, no." He put his hand up to stop Isabela from protesting any more.

"Garrett." Marian came up on his other side. He couldn't be serious about this. The Arishok was over twice his size and his weapons looked like skewers that could cook a full grown cow.

He looked at her, then nodded to Fenris and Aveline who took Marian by the arm and pulled her away from her brother.

"You too." He said, turning to Isabela.

She stared at him, searching his eyes for the reason he would do this. "I can't let you do this. Let me fight him."

"If he won't agree to the duel, it does us little good." Hawke looked down at her, a slight frown on his face. Then he grabbed her and kissed her deeply. Marian had never seen Garrett kiss her in public before, especially not in front of all the assembled nobles of Kirkwall. "Cheer me from the sidelines this time." She looked like she wanted to protest but didn't.

"Don't you die." She growled and stalked to the side of the room with the rest of them.

Marian watched her brother from the side of the room. She grabbed Aveline's hand when the first strike by the Arishok came close to Garrett's head. She felt the other woman tense her entire body, but she gave a comforting squeeze of her hand. Garrett couldn't die. He couldn't. He was her brother. He was one of the last of her family. She needed him.

He moved quickly to the side, she wouldn't have expected such speed from him, but compared to the giant he was dueling he moved far quicker. The Arishok tried turning, but Garrett had already sliced a wound in his back. He roared and swung around, Garrett ducked as the giant sword sailed over his head.

He kept moving, never stopping, never letting the Arishok get close. The battle went on. She could see that he was tiring; he had just fought his way from the docks through Hightown and the Viscount's Keep. Now he was fighting the most difficult opponent of his life. She wanted to do something, but if she interrupted the duel the Arishok's men would attack, and there were too many of them and too few of her companions. She wished she was fighting the Arishok. She would have frozen him solid, but what if her spell hadn't been strong enough, or what if the Qunari considered that cheating and attacked anyway?

Garrett's foot slipped and he fell to his knees. The Arishok's sword rose.

"No!" She shouted and tried to run to him, but Aveline and Fenris grabbed her between them so she couldn't effect the duel.

As the sword came down, he rolled and popped back up. The Arishok's sword hit the tiles and for a second he was dazed. A second was all it took. With the last of her brother's energy he sank his greatsword into the giant, right through the ribs. The Arishok sputtered, blood rising to his mouth. He turned and spoke a few words to Garrett, before slumping to the ground.

Marian wretched herself away from the stunned Aveline and Fenris and ran across the room and into Garrett's arms. She fought back the tears of relief and hung on. He hugged her tightly back and watched as the giants glanced at each other and headed out of the room.

"It's ok, Marian. I'm ok." She didn't believe him and looked. He had several cuts and abrasions from his various battles, but nothing serious. The Maker himself must have guided him through that battle to come out unscathed.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25:

Marian walked into the clinic. She was already exhausted after helping Garrett fight off the Qunari, but she couldn't just go home when there were people throughout the city who might not have a home to go back to. She had seen the injured and dead as she walked out from Hightown. She had seen them limping, crying out for help, huddled together with desperation in their eyes. And she knew there was only one place in Kirkwall she could openly use her magic to help them. Garrett had told her to go home, ordered her was more accurate. She shook her head. She hadn't thought his head could get any larger, but now that he was Champion he would be a disaster. Not that she could be angry with him...not yet. He had almost died today and she had sat there and been unable to do anything. She vowed never to watch from the sidelines again.

As she entered the clinic, she saw that Anders was helping someone and the clinic was overrun with people. She took a deep breath, preparing for the work cut out for her, and started calling out to people to form a line, and to please let more severely injured people go before them.

The warden's head whipped around when she started rearranging the jumble of people in the crowded clinic. She rolled up her sleeves and was about to start healing a woman with a head trauma when he stalked over to her.

"What are you doing here? I don't remember inviting the templar's pet down here to help me."

She turned around and put her hands on her hips. "Shut up and heal these people, Anders. I'm not here for you, I'm here for them. And believe me, if there was anywhere else to go, I wouldn't be here." She turned back around and gathered her mana, sending out streams of healing magic towards the injured woman. She felt Anders turn and stalk to the other side of the clinic, as far as he could get from her. That was fine by her because she meant it, if there was anywhere else where she could heal people without templars finding her, she would be there.

She worked for hours. Her dress, which had already been stained with blood, was now covered in it. She stopped wiping the blood off her hands as there were no clean towels after a few hours. And the patients kept coming. Countless men, women, and children who had been injured. The fires had burned so many people, some had limbs torn off them by the Qunari invaders, some she suspected had been victims of those taking advantage of the crisis.

"Here." A lyrium bottle was shoved under her nose. She looked up to see Anders glaring at her.

"I'm fine." She turned back towards her new patient. A boy of about sixteen who she was stitching up instead of healing. She had long since drained her mana and was waiting for it to come back.

"Don't be thick. You're practically falling down with exhaustion. I've heard the stories. News travels fast in Kirkwall; you were with Hawke when he took down the Qunari. Which means you've overextended your magic enough for one day." She stayed silent and he sighed and continued. "And since I know you won't leave if I tell you to, this is the best I can do."

She looked back up at the healer. His eyes were no longer angry. The warmth she remembered was there. The sides of his mouth tilted at her.

"Come on, Marian. Hawke will skin me if I don't take care of you."

She took the lyrium potion and just stared at it. Normally she wouldn't take the stuff because she didn't like the feeling mages got when they took it. She looked up at him again. Anders knelt down concerned.

"Marian, what's wrong?" Anders reached out and held her hand.

She shook her head. Everything was threatening to come to the surface. Everything that had happened, all the dead, Garrett almost dying, her not being able to do anything, the fear of seeing Meredith and then being discovered by Orsino and worrying that he would tell Meredith, and the biggest thing of all, the thing she had told no one. She looked at Anders, her eyes shining as she fought desperately to keep the tears back. He hesitated only a moment before pulling her into his arms and she cried against the feathers on his coat. Her body wracking with sobs. She hadn't wanted to think about everything; that's why she came to the clinic instead of going home. She knew helping people would give her time to ignore everything that had happened; for a few minutes of peace.

"Shh, it's ok, Marian. Everything's going to be ok. We're going to get through this. You're going to get through this, I know it." Anders soothed her back and let her cry for a few minutes. She could hear the cries of pain from those around her who still needed to be healed.

Marian stiffened and pulled back. Anders was looking at her with such sadness in his eyes. "Better?"

She nodded. He took her hand with the lyrium potion and helped her hold it up to her lips.

"Thank you." He said as he got up.

She looked at him curiously.

Anders smiled for the first time in years. "You've reminded me why I do this. Why I keep fighting." He turned and left Marian more confused than before.

With the lyrium pumping through her veins she worked tirelessly. Patient after patient. Rubs, stitches, healing, setting broken legs, cleaning wounds, wrapping cuts, consoling people for lost limbs. She did it all. Marian had no idea how many hours had gone by. She had no idea the time in Darktown.

Finally, there were only a few stragglers in the clinic. She couldn't believe they were finally done. That they had healed everyone. Anders had gotten some of the people of Darktown to help those that didn't need direct healing, after that things had gone more smoothly. The two of them had saved their mana for only the worst cases.

She got up from where she was kneeling next to a cot and swayed. Anders caught her and held her up.

"You should rest."

She smiled tiredly at him. "I have to get home." The sudden thought that Cullen could be home, waiting for her, crossed her mind and she frowned. He would be worried sick, but then she wasn't sure he would have even left the Gallows yet. He would probably still be getting the city in order.

"You're not walking home alone. And not in this condition. Rest. I'll get someone to take you home when you wake up."

"I'm perfectly capable-"

"No arguing." Anders smiled at her. "What is with you Hawkes always having to be so stubborn?"

She smiled and rested her head against his shoulder. He had taken off the coat earlier, when some blood had gotten on it. She suspected he had a sentimental value towards it. As it was, it would probably always have a few blood stains on it. She was vaguely aware that Anders' hands were around her, stroking her back. She was sure she should be more concerned about this, after all she was a married woman, but she found it soothing and sighed contentedly against his shoulder.

"Sometimes I wonder what could have been," he whispered against her ear, a shiver traveling up her spine. "Had you not married; had I not been an ass. Do you ever wonder?"

She tilted her head to look at him. Anders was looking down at her, her eyes flickered over his lips. She remembered that night. That horrible, disastrous night. She didn't remember what he felt like when he kissed her. She had been in too much shock, and he had been rough, demanding, and desperate. He had kissed her out of desperation and had Cullen not walked in she would have told him that she wasn't interested in him that way and sent him home. But Cullen had walked in and the whole thing had been disastrous.

But now her tired mind did wonder. What **if **she hadn't married Cullen? Would she have ended up with Anders? Probably. She had always fancied him and enjoyed flirting with him, even with his overdramatic rebuttals. She smiled as she thought about that year she practically lived in his clinic. It had annoyed Garrett so much.

Marian lifted her head and looked at him. He had aged so much in the last few years, the once laugh lines around his eyes were now worry lines. There was a few grey strands sprinkled in with his blonde hair. His cheeks were more hollow and his eyes had dark shadows around them. Did he sleep? Did he eat? Did anyone take care of the healer that took care of everyone?

Anders was looking at her intently. She couldn't read the expression. He tilted his head towards her and descended.

"I'mwithchild." She frantically said, her heart beating a thousand beats at a time. Anders took a step back, his mouth open in surprise.

"What?" He stared at her incredulously.

Marian took a deep breath and tried again. "I'm...I'm with child." She gazed at the ground. She could only assume Anders would turn from her in disgust. What else would he do? He had already told her how much he hated Cullen and the idea that his child was now growing inside of her... She had tried not to think of it. To think of what bringing a child into this world would mean. That Cullen was a templar and she a mage, that she wasn't ready for a child and she wasn't sure he was either. She worried that something could go wrong or that she would be a horrible mother. She worried what Garrett would say, especially now that he was a supposed "Champion".

She felt hands on her stomach and she looked up. Anders was staring down at her. "Does he know?" Marian shook her head, her head falling to look at his hands. She felt him pull mana and glanced fearfully at him.

He stopped and looked at her. "I-I was just going to check and make sure everything was...Marian, for Maker's sake you know I would never hurt you!"

She swallowed. "I...I know."

He moved his hands back on her stomach and pulled on his magic. The pulse of healing going through her skin. "Have you done this? Checked to make sure there are no complications? That the baby is healthy?" He asked gently, keeping his voice soft and soothing.

Marian shook her head.

"Do you want to learn how? It's a simple spell and you can check yourself regularly."

She nodded and he guided her hands down to her stomach, showing her which energies to weave and where to push and where to pull.

Anders smiled sadly at her. "See? Everything's healthy. You have a healthy little child growing in there."

She stared astounded at her stomach. She could feel the small pulse of life, like a beacon against her magic. It felt so different from an injury, which felt more dark and black. This was so bright she felt tears come to her eyes.

"Not too much. Too much magic could hurt it or maybe turn the little thing into a mage. No one wants that." Anders shook his head sadly.

Marian looked worriedly at him. "Is he going to be ok?"

"He? It's a little early to tell that. Give it a few month's to grow and we can check. But yes, he or she is going to be fine."

Tears welled up in her eyes again and this time she didn't fight them down. She let them flow, let the relief and weight fall off her. Her baby was going to be alright. He or she would be healthy and happy and she would be the best mother she could. And Cullen...Marian frowned. She still didn't know how to tell him.

Anders wiped away her tears gently with his thumb. "Will you please rest now? I can only imagine what Hawke will say when I get you back and you're pregnant. I can feel a lecture already."

"Please don't tell him." She felt her stomach sink at the thought of telling her brother already.

"What? Marian, people are going to find out eventually. It's not exactly easy to hide."

"I-I know. I just need time. I need..." She felt panic rising.

He put his hands on her shoulders to calm her. "Alright. I won't tell him. Consider my lips sealed. Not like he would listen to me anyway."

Marian nodded and the healer was finally able to get her to lie down and rest. She said she would only close her eyes and rest, but when he checked back up on her a few minutes later she was fast asleep.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26:

Cullen moved quickly through the streets of Hightown. His heart was beating rapidly and try as hard as he might, he couldn't keep the gruesome images of what could have happened from flashing through his mind. Where was Marian? She hadn't been home when he sent someone to check on her. When the Qunari had been ripping the city apart he had only worried about her; feared for her. He would have run into the city just to make sure she was safe, but Meredith's orders had been clear: stay at the Gallows and make sure the mages didn't use this uprising as an excuse to make their own. The mages hadn't, most of them had wanted to go help. Orsino had been allowed a small contingent of Harrowed mages to go into the city and try to stop the Qunari. But so many other mages could have helped. Cullen had risked sending one man, Keran, into the city to check on Marian. He had come back and told him that no one was home. That is when Cullen had really started to worry. He had paced his office, demanding news from anyone that came back from the city.

Finally, Meredith and Orsino had entered the Gallows, bickering as usual. Meredith had debriefed him about what happened. About Hawke stopping the Qunari and how she had reluctantly given him the title of Champion, despite her anger that the man didn't truly deserve it. She told Cullen that Hawke was a templar.

He stared at her shocked.

"Did you not know Knight-Captain? He is your brother-in-law afer all."

"I had no idea." Hawke, a templar? How did he not see that? How had Marian never told him?

Meredith examined him as if expecting him to be lying to her. After all, wasn't that something he should have known? "I saw your wife as well. She was with her brother, though I dare say it would have been safer for her to remain at home. Orsino says she is well equipped to deal with dangers, but the girl only had a staff with her. Tell me Knight-Captain, is she capable with a staff?"

Cullen stared at her, the room becoming increasingly hot. Did she know? Maker, she must know? "I-I have seen her practice with it on occasion. Her father's weapon of choice, I believe." Maker don't let her see through his lies.

"Interesting. Not many people use staves these days, they were in fashion when I was a child. But I suppose she can't hurt herself too much with one. We will have to keep a closer eye on Hawke, the Champion. I don't want him thinking he rules this city. I also want templars posted at the Viscount's Keep. They can bring any of the people's concerns to me."

Meredith went on about her plans to remedy the city and protect it from itself. Cullen was only half listening; he wanted to go home and make sure Marian was safe.

By the time he walked through the door to his house it was the early hours of the morning. He expected to find Marian curled up asleep, maybe even waiting for him in her favorite chair by the fire. He had imagined waking her up with light kisses and carrying her upstairs where he could curl his body around hers and feel that one thing was right with the city. When he walked in to a cold house his heart stopped. He ran upstairs and found the bed empty and dark. He called out for her, fear rising in his throat, his head pounding as blood and adrenaline rushed through his veins.

He quickly thought that she might be in Hightown with her brother and he ran out the door. Anything to keep moving, to keep reminding himself that she had to be safe.

He banged on the door to the estate; his heart hammering, he had run from the docks to the Hawke estate. When no one immediately answered he continued to bang his hand on the door with all his might and considered breaking it down.

He was about to throw his whole weight against the door when it opened. Bodahn stood with a knife in one hand, his son Sandal behind him, staring excitedly at Cullen.

"Oh, messere Cullen. What are you doing here at this hour?" The knife quickly disappeared and Cullen walked in the house.

"Is Marian here?" He asked desperately.

Bodahn stared at him and frowned. "Um...no messere. I have not seen her since the early afternoon, after the Qunari were stopped."

The world spun and he just barely managed to find a seat. He sat down heavily.

"What's going on?" Hawke came striding in, sword in hand. He looked around the room and saw Cullen, Bodahn, and Sandal. He walked over to Cullen. "What's happened? Why the blazes are you banging on my-" Cullen looked up at him, helplessness written on his face. "Marian." He turned around to address the dwarves. "Bodahn, go quickly to Fenris' mansion. Tell him I need him immediately; Marian is missing." The dwarf bowed and left.

"She's not here?" Cullen begged. He knew the answer, but he hoped it was a lie.

Hawke frowned at him. "I sent her home after the battle with the Arishok. That was...many hours ago."

He shook his head. "Why didn't she go home?" Coldness crept through his veins. He had heard some reports of certain citizens taking advantage of the chaos. He stood up. "You sent her home...alone? You didn't send someone with her to make sure she got there safely? What is wrong with you, Hawke?!"

"Don't get in my face, Knight-Captain. My sister is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. I'm sure she just-" He frowned.

"What? Do you know where she is?"

Hawke scratched his black beard. "I have a few leads. We should split up. You go to the Viscount's Keep, wake Aveline, the guard captain. Tell her Marian is missing. Then check the Hanged Man."

Cullen looked incredulously. "You think Marian went to a tavern? Are you mental?!"

"It is possible and I'm not ruling anything out."

Cullen growled and stalked toward him. "Cut the act, Hawke. You know where she is and you are sending me in the opposite direction."

Hawke actually smiled, more of a grimace actually. "I am going to speak to my contacts, Knight-Captain. I have a feeling one of them will have seen her or know where she is. But it is still a possibility she went to the Hanged Man to drown her sorrows. You should check there."

"Why can't you send Fenris and Aveline to check the Hanged Man? I should come with you if you think your sources will have seen her."

Hawke raised his eyebrow and looked at Cullen as if he was speaking Qunari. "Because you are the Knight-Captain of the templars and my contacts won't talk with you standing next to me."

Cullen cursed, but then remembered. "But you're a templar!"

Hawke laughed. "So Meredith told you? It was easier if you didn't know. Now, do you want to sit around talking or go find Marian?"

His jaw felt like it would snap from the pressure on it. "Fine. But you had better bring her back, Hawke, or I swear, Champion or not..."

"No need to threaten me, Knight-Captain."

He pushed past Cullen and out the door.

* * *

Marian woke to the swaying feeling. For a second she thought she was on the boat from Ferelden, packed in tight with the other refugees. The swaying of the boat had always made her feel sick. She grumbled.

"Is the princess alive?" Marian eyes opened and she saw Garrett's brown eyes staring down at her. She struggled and suddenly she was flipped onto her feet, his hands steadying her. "Figured it was best to let you sleep."

She blinked and looked around. They had just ascended the steps from the basement into the Hawke estate. She was standing in the kitchen and Garrett was watching her. She saw Fenris leaning coldly against the wall opposite him.

"What happened?" She had fallen asleep in the clinic, why was she suddenly at her brother's?

"You didn't go home." Garrett growled. "And then your delightful husband came by demanding to know where you were. I had to get rid of him since I figured you had done something stupid."

"Hanging around abominations being one." Fenris muttered.

Marian shook her head, trying to clear the last of dreaming fog from her mind. Then what her brother said started to sink in. "Cullen?" Her heart hit her stomach. What time was it? How long had he been looking for her, no doubt worried sick?

"Yes, Cullen. Damnit Marian. Why the blazes did you think it was a good idea to go down to that bastard's clinic?"

"I wanted to help," she said meekly. Now in the light of sleep she realized that going down to Darktown without telling anyone wasn't one of her better ideas.

Garrett sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You know that what you did was incredibly stupid, right? And now you're going to have to deal with Cullen. And believe me, I'm happy to not be in your shoes right now. I may barely understand you and why you went down there, but he sure blasted won't." Marian felt cold and sick.

"He might." Her voice sounded uncertain, even to her.

Garrett shook his head. "Come on. You can heat up some of last night's dinner. He's sure to be by soon."

Marian nodded and followed Garrett into the dining room. He grumbled about getting a few letters done and left, Fenris following behind. Half an hour later she was eating some leftover stew and trying to think of what to say when Cullen came back.

The door to the estate opened and closed roughly. Her heart stopped. She heard talking in the hallway, Cullen's voice mingled with Garrett's, then the door to the dining room opened and Cullen strode through it. He saw her and his face broke. She saw the lines of worry she had caused, the pain in his eyes, the relief and frustration. She stood up and he met her halfway across the room. Pulling her into his arms and nearly crushing her against his armor.

He held her silently. Her heart was beating wildly against her chest. He would be angry. He would yell and rant and storm about how stupid she had been. And she deserved it, she should have sent word to him, sent one of the urchins in Darktown to inform him that she was safe. She only wished her brain had been working, but she had been running off lyrium and no sleep.

Minutes passed in his arms, his head rested against hers, his arms holding her as if she was his lifeline. Her heart beat steadily went back to normal and she rested her head against his breastplate.

"Why?"

She frowned and closed her eyes, not wanting the peace in his arms to stop so suddenly.

"Please Marian..." His voice broke. She moved her head to look up at him, saw that his eyes were red-rimmed and he was barely hanging on.

She reached up with her hand and ran it along his jaw, he leaned into her touch, his eyes closing. Standing on her toes, she kissed him softly and his arms pulled her closer. When they broke, his head rested against hers. "I thought I lost you." He whispered, his deepest fear revealed to her.

She saw the tear roll down his cheek and wiped it away. "I'm sorry. You won't lose me, I promise."

He shook his head. "You can't make that promise. How am I supposed to...to protect you? I need..."

She quieted him with another kiss. He crushed his lips against hers, demanding everything she gave him, his body needing to know she was there, that she was safe.

He kissed her until they both needed to breathe.

"Where were you?"

She sighed. "Please...just know that I am here now." She didn't know how to explain where she had been. What could she tell him? That she had been in Darktown, he would yell at her for it not being safe. That she had been with Anders, he would be furious because she promised she would never see him again. That she was using her magic to heal people, he would be livid that she would risk being discovered and condemning all of them to imprisonment.

He stared at her, watching her inner turmoil. "Marian, tell me."

She shook her head.

"Why not?" He stepped back, she let him go reluctantly. Fear laced with anger flooded his veins.

"Don't." She begged, hoping he would leave it alone.

"Marian, tell me where you were!" He yelled, his anger growing with each second.

She looked at him a moment before squaring her shoulders. "No."

He stared at her. "No?"

"Cullen, you can either accept that I am here and no longer there and that I am safe and unharmed or you can continue to be angry at me. Either way I will not tell you where I was."

His jaw tightened. "You were in Darktown."

Her eyes widened in shock. How could he know?

"I'm a templar, my dear." His anger was barely contained and his voice shook slightly. "My job is to know what whispers occur in Kirkwall about apostates. I know all about a certain mage clinic in Darktown. In fact, I have been tailing this abomination for quite some time." He glared at her and her breath left her.

"How?"

"You gave me enough information to start, not everything of course. I heard rumors of an apostate in Darktown, I assumed it was a refugee. Then the more I dug the more I discovered. A clinic. I kept it a secret, I wanted to bring him in, after all, to answer for his crimes." Marian was shaking her head, she felt cold. "Yes, Marian. I know all about your abomination friend. It's not easy to find information on him, someone is spending a lot of gold trying to keep it all quiet, but I found some people willing to talk. But, of course, you wouldn't need to know any of this if you had kept your promise of never seeing him again. Instead, you risk everything to go down there today. Meredith saw you with your staff. And your brother, let's not forget that your brother is a templar, something else you never told me. Might have been nice to know that! What other lies and secrets are you keeping from me?!"

"I'm with child."

The silence that followed stretched on for minutes. Cullen stared at her. Finally, he grabbed a chair and sat down, his feet no longer able to keep him up. Marian just stood there. She couldn't believe she had said that.

"H-ho-" He swallowed and tried again. "How long?"

"I've been waking up sick for about a week, but I didn't know for sure until today."

He stared at the table disbelievingly. His brows furrowed and he ran a hand through his hair. "W-why didn't you tell me sooner?"

She fidgeted with her dress, trying to breathe to calm herself down. "I wasn't sure how you would take the news."

He gave a strangled laugh and looked up from the table at her. She just stared worriedly at him. He ran his hands through his hair again and over his eyes before standing up slowly. He walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. Hugging her tightly against him.

"Are you angry?" She asked, her voice muffled against his breastplate.

"What?" He pulled her back to look at her. She looked so sad his heart constricted. "Of course not..." He paused and then shook his head, "Well not about this. Definitely not about this." He pulled her back against him and kissed her head. "Never about this, my dear." He couldn't keep a small smile from forming on his lips as he thought about this news. Marian was pregnant; she was going to have a baby. They were going to have a child.

She felt the smile against her head and smiled back. "D-do you think we can go home now?"

He let out a strangled laugh and kissed her. "Yes. I have a few hours before I have to be at the Gallows. Let's go home."


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27:

Garrett moved away from the dining room door when he heard Marian and Cullen walking towards it. He walked quickly down the hall and into his study; half closing the door until he heard the sound of the front door shutting. He walked around to his desk and slumped into the chair, rubbing his face with his hands and sighing. That was something he had not seen coming. Marian...pregnant. Maker, why hadn't he considered that? Obviously, Cullen and her were...close, but he had never thought that she might...end up with a child. He had always assumed she took certain precautions to make sure something like this didn't happen. Isabela did, and he knew there were simple spells to ensure babies didn't come into the picture. He puffed air out of his cheeks and grabbed some parchment. Putting aside the news of his sister, he decided first things first.

He wrote a quick note to Varric. The dwarf would be interested to know that his gold wasn't doing the job he intended. If the Knight-Captain could find the Warden then Varric needed to work harder. As much as Garrett didn't like the apostate, the man had helped him in the Deep Roads and he had been the one to find the Grey Wardens. Without him...Carver would never have made it. As far as Garrett was concerned, keeping the apostate out of the Gallows was his reward. That and he knew Marian was close to Anders and she needed people she could rely on, now more than ever.

He finished writing the note and rang the bell behind his desk. A few minutes later Orana appeared. She looked tired and her clothes looked hurriedly put on. He had forgotten it was still early morning.

"Find someone to deliver this to Varric." He handed her the note and a sovereign to pay the urchin.

"Yes, Master." She took the note meekly and left him alone in his study again.

He needed more sleep. He needed less things to worry about and more sleep. But now his twin had given him another large concern.

A baby. More importantly, a baby related to not only the Champion of Kirkwall, but also the child of the Knight-Captain. Even before his new title, Garrett had been one of the most influential people in Kirkwall. Now it would only get worse. And people would look for a way to make him listen to them. And there she was: his sister, the perfect target. He had worried about her before, had Fenris watch her, paid Aveline to keep extra guards on her street, made sure Isabela was at the Hanged Man so Marian had somewhere to go. But now? Now she added an **incredibly** vulnerable child and Kirkwall would only be more unstable without a political leader.

Garrett groaned and put his head down on the desk. This was the worst news he had heard. He would rather handle another Qunari invasion over the worry he would have over the child's safety, and his sister's.

Getting up from his desk, Garrett put the issue from his mind. He needed a few hours of sleep. And he knew he had at least a few months before the rest of Kirkwall heard the news. He supposed for now he would let Cullen take care of her. He only hoped the man **would** take care of her. He had sounded angry, but then again, he had every reason to be. Marian had put herself in danger, in fact, Garrett shook his head, she had put them all in danger. If Meredith found out that her Knight-Captain was harboring an apostate...he sighed. Another worry, another headache. But Marian had put herself in danger and now she would have a child to think about. He needed to make sure she was safe; her and the child. He would have to redouble his efforts. And with Isabela leaving again...Garrett felt his stomach and heart sink.

Becoming Champion was the worst news he had heard.

* * *

Things weren't perfect and Cullen knew they never would be. Not when a mage and templar were involved. After they had gotten home, Cullen had shrugged out of his armor and Marian had prepared a bath, needing to wash off the dirt from Darktown. He watched her strip down, looking to see if he had missed the sign that there was a life growing inside her belly. She looked the same as always, no small bumps or hidden signs, not yet at least. He thought about how that would change, how soon her body would show the world what he now knew: that he would be a father. He felt a smile tug at the corner of his lips and he walked towards her. Everything else that had happened today be damned; he would enjoy this feeling for a few minutes, before worrying thoughts of the consequences came to him.

As he walked up to her she turned and smiled at him. "Will you join me?" She slipped into the tub and he needed little encouragement.

They sat in the warm water for awhile, just enjoying the feeling of the warmth and each other's bodies close to each other. She rested her head against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. He ran the wash cloth over her body, cleaning the dirt and dried blood off her.

Marian kissed him and when she broke it she looked into his eyes. "I'm sorry. About today. About Darktown. About not telling you that Garrett was a templar. It was his secret and I didn't think he wanted you to know."

Cullen sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. He would have rather avoided this conversation tonight, but perhaps it was better to get it out of the way. "You put yourself and everyone around you in harm's way today, Marian. Have you ever thought of the consequences of you being discovered? Your brother, me, all your friends, we would be taken into questioning. I would be stripped of my standing in the order. Your brother would be arrested and likely me as well..." His voice darkened, "Not to mention you promised me you would never see that abomination again." Hot anger settled into his stomach. The news of his child had made that disappear for a bit, but it was back, the knowledge of just what she had done that day.

"He is helping people, Cullen. He isn't an abomination. It isn't a demon inside him. It's a spirit."

He looked down at her, her blue eyes so wide and innocent. She truly still didn't see the danger the abomination presented. He sighed. "Spirit or demon makes no difference. He is possessed. That makes him an abomination."

"There is a difference. And I was in no danger of being caught while I was down in his clinic. I was healing people, helping them."

He shook his head. "You think that makes a difference to templars? You think a few coins in the right hand wouldn't have one of your _patients_ confessing to who you are?"

Her mouth fell open. "No. They wouldn't. I helped them...they would never sell me out to the templars."

"How do you think we find most of our apostates? By people who have seen them do magic, and many are by the people they healed or helped."

She stared at him, appalled by the idea. "How can people do that?"

He ran his hand along her cheek; Marian had never seen the horrors magic could wrought. He prayed to the Maker that she never did. "People are afraid of magic. It is not so shocking, my dear, considering the destruction and terror mages are capable of. There are those who feel mages should have their freedom, but there are far more out there that sleep easier at night knowing mages are kept separate from them. Andraste herself knew the dangers of magic and it is in her name that we keep mages together, both for their own safety and the safety of others."

She turned from him, staring down into the water. He gently put his arms around her and pulled her back against him. They were quiet for a time and eventually the water cooled. She climbed out of the tub first and brought back the towels. When they were wrapped up she sat on the bed while he drained the tub into the pipes that led to the alley behind them.

"I need to tell you something."

He turned towards her quickly, the tone of her voice sending warning signals all through his body. She was playing with her hand while she sat on the bed. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear anything else that night. He walked to the bed and she looked up at him. He saw fear in her eyes; he swallowed and prepared for the worst.

"I-today while Garrett...when we were going to the Viscount's Keep...I ran into the First Enchanter."

His stomach dropped.

Her eyes looked back down at her hands, which she held clasped in her lap. "He...he knows what I am Cullen. He...felt my magic."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again her eyes were shining up at him.

"I'm scared." She whispered.

He bent down, taking her hands in his. Maker, give him strength. The First Enchanter knew she was a mage, he knew who she was married to, he knew who her brother was; the man would surely tell the Knight-Commander, there was nothing stopping him. Cullen went through a list of what he could do. He could get Marian out of the city...that was the first choice, tell Hawke to take her out of Kirkwall, get her somewhere safe, away from the templars...away from him.

"I'm not leaving." She said, pulling her hands out from his.

"I-"

"That's what you were thinking. I'm not leaving...not without you."

She touched his cheek and he closed his eyes. He couldn't leave. He was a templar, his first duty was to the templars and the Maker. He opened his eyes and looked back up at her. Her eyes were still shining, but he saw the stubbornness behind them. She wouldn't leave and he didn't have the resolve to force her. "Then what can we do?" He wouldn't see her in the Gallows. He couldn't. Meredith would surely arrest him and Hawke if Marian's abilities were ever revealed. Not only that, but Marian would be made an example of, he was sure of it.

"I don't think he will tell Meredith. He had the opportunity today and he didn't take it. I wanted you to be aware that he knows. In case he tries to...use it against you."

Great, the man would be insufferable. Cullen could already see the First Enchanter using such knowledge to his advantage. He was far too cunning for his own good. But what else could he do? If Marian wouldn't leave the city, he would just have to pray that Orsino kept his silence and do whatever the man wanted, within reason, to keep his mouth shut.

He saw that Marian was still scared and he glanced out the window. He still had a few hours before he had to be at the Gallows. He got up and crawled into the bed, pulling her close against him. She rested her head against his chest, listening to his heart beat. "Go to sleep, love." He whispered, kissing the top of her head. "Let me worry about Orsino." A small smile tugged at his lips and he ran his hand lightly over her stomach. "You have more important things to think about."

She smiled against his chest and a few minutes later her breathing became regular and she was asleep. He looked up at the ceiling, feeling the sinking in his stomach. Orsino knew, the abomination in Darktown, Hawke becoming Champion, the Viscount dead, Meredith's new power. He rubbed his face. He wasn't happy about the idea of what all of this would mean. He looked back down at his sleeping wife. His sleeping, pregnant, wife. The Maker did have a sense of humor.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28:

It had been three days since she last saw Cullen. He wrote to her everyday saying that he would try to get home, but every night the house remained dark and lonely. Marian sighed as she watched the dying fire. She shifted in her chair and stretched her aching back, her hand running soothing circles over her extended stomach. The months after the Qunari attack had been stressful for the templars and for Cullen. First, Marian had thought they would choose a new ruler quickly, but as months wore on and Meredith continued to rule the city from the Gallows, the realization that the Knight-Commander had no intention of giving up command set in. The city was slowly beginning to realize it too, though for now there were only whispers.

The mages were the next to realize that the templar's new power was not in their favor. She heard of stricter regulations and tighter curfews. In the last few months not a Circle mage had been seen out of the Gallows. The idea that they were locked in there sent shivers down Marian's spine. Three days ago there had been an attempted break out. At least, that's what she assumed from Cullen's cryptic messages on the matter. And Meredith had forbade all her templars from leaving. Anders had also gone quiet and that had Marian just as worried.

Since the day Garrett had been made Champion and the power in the city had shifted, Marian had gone back to being tentative friends with Anders. Except that Anders had forbidden her from visiting him in Darktown.

The week after the Qunari attack, Marian had decided to go down to Anders' clinic to stave off boredom while she waited for Cullen to get home from the Gallows. She knew Cullen wouldn't be happy about it, but he would never know as long as she got home before he did. After the argument about her magic use during the Qunari invasion she had promised she would be more careful. Cullen was keeping an eye on Orsino and she was to make sure no one else found out about her magic. She figured a few hours in Anders' clinic wouldn't hurt. She hadn't expect Anders to be less than pleased by her appearance.

"Andraste's flaming knickers, what are you doing down here, Marian?!" Anders had walked up to her, very agitated and he immediately began checking her over for injuries.

"What do you mean? I came to visit you obviously." She shook him off.

"Are you mental? Wait, I forgot that you are." He sighed and looked around. "Cynthia, can you watch the clinic while I bring my friend back home?"

The blonde woman in the corner of the clinic rolling bandages nodded and Anders grabbed Marian's arm and wielded her around, leading her back the way she had come in.

"Anders, let go. Why are you taking me home?" She had a sinking feeling in her stomach. She had hoped that after helping him in the clinic and with him being so nice after she revealed that she was pregnant that perhaps they could begin patching their relationship. Apparently she was wrong.

He shook his head as they walked out into Darktown. "Marian. You are mental. You can not come striding down into Darktown. Not anymore."

"What? Why?" She pouted.

"Because you're pregnant." He hissed.

"So? I can still walk." She saw no reason why her pregnancy should prevent her from seeing Anders.

"And what if something happened to you on your way to visit me? Who do you think would get blamed? More importantly..." He stopped himself and sighed, rubbing his face with his hand before continuing, "Marian you can't get injured. Understand? Not on my watch. Not on anyone else's. Darktown is too dangerous for you to be walking around in your state."

They walked out to the sunlight of Lowtown and headed toward the Docks and Marian's home. She was silent until they reached her street, then she stopped and turned to him. "Are you saying this because you want to keep me safe or because you don't want to see me? Tell me the truth."

He looked anguished and opened his mouth several times before shutting it again. Finally, he looked at her. "I-I couldn't live with myself if you got hurt trying to see me." He looked down and took her hand, rubbing the palm with his thumb. "This isn't about not wanting to see you." He continued quietly. "This is about not wanting to see you get hurt."

Marian released the breath she had been holding. She had been prepared for him to say he didn't want to see her anymore. It would have hurt, but she would have respected his request. She hadn't been prepared to see the emotions he tried to keep hidden from her rushing to the surface in his brown eyes. He still had feelings for her. And she couldn't keep hurting him. She wouldn't hurt him this way.

"Ok. I-I understand." She took her hand from his. "I'll be more careful. I promise." She looked around the street wondering if anyone would recognize her and tell Cullen she had been talking to a long haired blonde man with feathers. Anders wasn't exactly discrete. "I better get home and...and you should go back to the clinic. Be safe, Anders." She turned and walked towards her house, not looking back.

Marian had been prepared to leave Anders alone. It would be better for him and even though she would be lonely, she would do it to save him. She didn't go back to Darktown and she didn't send him any messages, hoping that distance would help him. But merely a week later, Anders showed up on her doorstep, smiling widely and holding a basket of torn bandages.

"I have to get these stitched back up for me and I thought I'd see if you wanted to come along."

She could hardly argue and an excuse to leave the house was always welcome, so she went with him and afterwards they spent some time at the Hanged Man catching up. After that day, the apostate made several excuses a week to come by the house and see Marian. She tried to keep her distance, but with Isabela gone and Aveline busy with her wedding and then leaving for her honeymoon, she had no one else to turn to. Cullen became busier and busier with the Gallows over the months and soon all she had were her afternoons with Anders.

It was nice to have someone to talk to and she greatly enjoyed his company. They debated the news and templars and mages and even though they didn't see eye-to-eye on everything she enjoyed their discussions. Anders seemed happier too. He would joke and laugh with her and Varric at the Hanged Man and his eyes seemed brighter.

But Anders had to go down to Darktown eventually. And these last few days left her feeling more alone when he did. Even Garrett had been quiet, and he had been visiting her more often as well. Almost around the same time Cullen had to stay at the Gallows, her brother had disappeared as well. Watching the last of the embers burn down, Marian decided to sleep. Perhaps tomorrow Cullen would come home and she would feel less lonely. She could make them dinner and then curl herself around him so he would keep her warm while she slept. She smiled at the thought and then sighed as she crawled into bed and pulled the thick covers up to her chin. As winter came closer she found she was often cold, her feet especially got cold. And her back ached and her knees and her head. Of course, for all her pain, the baby growing had a blast of making her miserable. She settled down, hoping she would get a full night sleep without having to wake up and pee every hour. As she closed her eyes, she heard the crack of the bedroom door opening. Her heart beat wildly and she sat up.

"Cullen?" She whispered into the dark, her eyes searching.

A movement at the door and a whispered word, not Cullen's voice, was all she heard before darkness surrounded her.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29:

"What is it you want, First Enchanter?" Garrett growled. He could feel the elf watching him, examining him like he was a puzzle to be worked out. He hated coming to the Gallows, hated even more knowing that this blasted elf could at any moment decide to turn Marian over to the templars. The only thing stopping him was that as long as he held it over Garrett's head, he could get the Champion to help the mages. He growled. Not that he cared about the mages plight in the Gallows. They were weak and he had fought far too many blood mages in Kirkwall to believe they would be anything other than weak.

A few days ago, there had been a break out at the Gallows. Most of the mages had been rounded up, except the three Meredith had sent Garrett on a quest to find. He had wanted to rip the smug smile off the Knight-Commander's face when she asked him to find the mages. But she had been quick to remind him that he was a templar and that at any moment she could make it her business to put him back in the order.

So he had found her runaway mages for her. Killed two and brought back the third. Then he had gotten a message from the blasted First Enchanter _requesting_ his presence.

"The Knight-Commander is going to try and pin this on blood magic. She always does. All I'm asking is that you find out the true story, Champion. Find out why they are meeting and what they are planning. That's it. Bring me the information and you can consider the job done."

He growled again. "Fine. Where are they meeting?"

* * *

Cullen watched Hawke storm across the courtyard and out of the Gallows. The Champion had been to see the First Enchanter. Hawke was one of the few people from outside the Gallows that Meredith allowed to visit Orsino. Meredith believed Hawke was on the templar's side. Not that Cullen knew what that meant anymore, but the Knight-Commander had made it very clear to Cullen that his brother-in-law was either with the templars or she would drag him back to be a templar. Hawke was too head-strong to allow that. He didn't like the idea of what would happen if the Knight-Commander ever tried such a trick.

He shook his head. Meredith had gotten more paranoid since the Viscount's death and the Qunari invasion. She rarely spoke to him and after the fiasco with the escaped mages, she had ordered that all templars were to stay in the Gallows to ensure the rest of the mages didn't try anything rash. The first night had been fine, but as he spent more nights away from Marian he started to worry. She shouldn't be in the house by herself. Not at night. The dock district was safe, safer than most parts of the city surprisingly, but he worried about her.

"Knight-Captain, Ser." His templar saluted him as he walked up. He gave Cullen the keys to his house. "Your wife wasn't at home, Ser. I left the note on the mantle downstairs, as instructed."

Cullen sighed and nodded, dismissing the templar. His note would once again tell her not to expect him at home. He had once again asked Meredith if he could leave and this time her answer had not been as polite.

"No, Knight-Captain. How many times will you ask me? I will tell you when you can leave here, and not a second sooner." Meredith had dark circles under her eyes and he wondered when she had last had a full night sleep. He hadn't since the break out. Not since he had gone back to sleeping alone.

"Knight-Commander. I understand you are worried about the need for tighter security, but my wife-"

She pierced him with her icy blue eyes, "The sister of the Champion. You worry about her?" She almost sneered the last bit and his jaw tightened.

"She is home alone and with child. Yes, I worry about her, no matter who her brother may be." Hawke couldn't protect her when she was all the way in the dock district. Perhaps he should have asked her to stay with her brother while he was holed up in the Gallows.

Meredith examined her papers. He wondered if she had dismissed him without him knowing, until she spoke quietly. "Perhaps you should bring her here."

Coldness penetrated his heart. He was silent for a moment. "I-I don't think she would be comfortable here, Knight-Commander." No one was comfortable at the Gallows.

"But she would be **safe**_._ Isn't that what you want?"

"Yes, Knight-Commander." He panicked at the thought of seeing Marian set foot in the Gallows. The last free step she would ever make. "But...this is not a decision I can make. Not without consulting her."

Meredith examined him over her paper. Her eyes stared through him, to all the secrets he kept, to all the small things he kept from her, to his biggest fear. Finally, she blinked and waved her arm, dismissing him. "I expect you'll talk with her then. Now, I don't want to hear any more about you leaving the Gallows."

Cullen sighed and played with the keys in his hand. He knew why Meredith wanted Marian in the Gallows. It wasn't because she suspected the truth, the First Enchanter had not breathed a word of that as far as Cullen knew. No, it was because it would be another thing to hold over Hawke's head. And Hawke would skin Cullen alive if he allowed Marian to stay at the Gallows. Even in the templar's quarters she was bound to be discovered. He tucked the keys into his belt. He would just have to wait for Meredith to allow him to leave and return home.

* * *

"Where's my sister, Keran?!" Garrett grabbed the templar by his armor, bringing him close enough to smell the fear off the younger man. He would kill him, rip his throat out with his bare hands, he would kill them all, set the Gallows ablaze, no one would live if Marian was hurt.

"T-the Wounded Coast, S-serah. An-an alcove right outside of Kirkwall. P-please. Please, Serah. Don't hurt me. I had no idea. I didn't know it was your sister...the Knight-Captain's wife. I didn't know, I'm so sorry."

Garrett threw the templar on the ground, disgusted. "Go to the Gallows. Tell the Knight-Captain what you told me and tell him to get his sorry ass to the Wounded Coast! Understand?!" The templar nodded and scrambled up, running out of the tunnels. He turned back to his companions. "We're going, now."

"Hawke." Varric started and Garrett cut him off with his hand.

"Now, Varric. We aren't leaving my sister's rescue to the templars. Not when we don't know who is involved in this." Not that he would ever leave his sister's rescue to templars.

"I get that. Problem is, we are in no condition to fight a bunch of mages and templars. And we are hopelessly outnumbered already."

Garrett looked from Varric, who had scratches and a gash across his cheek, to Fenris, who was nursing his left side where a mage had hit him with a ball of fire. They had barely survived the last encounter and he himself was littered with cuts and bruises, and two large sword slashes under his ribs. He growled. What a perfect time for Aveline to be on her honeymoon and Isabela to go running off. His heart constricted, he wouldn't think about that. But Varric was right, they needed back up.

"You know, there happens to be a quite dashing apostate a few minutes away. He could heal us up, and you know...go with us." Varric smiled up at him.

Garrett rolled his eyes, but knew the dwarf was right. "We will go see him to get healed, but I'm not taking him with us." Varric was right though, he needed more help. "We will stop at the Chantry and bring Sebastian. He's decent with a bow."  
"And what if Marian needs a healer? We don't know what the mages could have done to her."

Garrett spun around on the dwarf, his hands clenching and unclenching in anger. "Then I will kill all of them!"

"That won't heal her." The dwarf stated calmly, unflinching at his anger.

He growled and turned away. "Convince him then."

Varric grinned. "Oh, I don't think Blondie will take much convincing."

* * *

"Blood magic was used to bind her, Champion." Alain was bending over Marian, examining her with his hands. "The only way to release her is to use blood magic again."

"Don't touch her!" Garrett ripped the mage away from his sister, throwing him back on the ground. Battle fury still raged in his veins. He wondered how this mage had survived it.

"He's right, Hawke." Anders said quietly, bending down next to Marian. Blue light shined under his hands as he moved them over his sister's body. "I don't know a spell to unbind her. Unless you don't want her to wake..." He looked up at Garrett. "Let the mage help." Garrett saw the corners of the warden's eyes crease with worry. Finally, the light faded and Anders sighed. He met Garrett's eyes. "She's fine. Her and the baby. Neither are harmed."

Garrett didn't realize he had been holding his breath until he let it go. The heaviness he had felt was gone. He glanced at the mage, who was still on the ground, staying as still as possible. "Unbind her." He demanded, grabbing his sword in case the mage tried anything.

Alain nodded and took a dagger out from his belt. He held it against his arm and sliced. The blood didn't trickle down like a normal cut, instead it swirled around the mage. Garrett readied a smite, he heard Fenris shift and knew if he didn't take down the blood mage, the elf would.

Then, Marian stirred and the magic faded. Alain stepped back and taking a look at Garrett, took three more steps away from his sister.

As she opened her eyes she saw her brother and Anders looking down at her; Anders was smiling, but Garrett looked as if he was seeing a spirit, his face white and his eyes dark.

She sat up slowly and Anders steadied her with his hands. The sunlight was so strong that all she could do for the moment was sit on the ground, blinking as her eyes adjusted to it. She was outside, sitting on sand. She could hear the roar of the waves which told her she was close to the ocean.

"W-what happened?" She asked and was surprised that her voice sounded so weak. Her throat was raw and her mouth dry.

"You were kidnapped." Anders said quietly, helping her stand up.

She was relieved to see Anders, she recalled she had been worried about him, but couldn't quite remember why. Then as her head cleared she remembered she hadn't heard from him for a few days. Then she remembered the whisper in the night and looked around. Her mouth dropped. The cove was littered with bodies; mages and templars. Some had entire limbs torn off, others were burned to a crisp, There was one body that was literally cut clean in half. She turned away, her face becoming white and then the smell of death hit her and she was bending over, releasing any contents her stomach still had. Anders held her hair back.

"They're just over here, Knight-Captain." Marian lifted her head at the voice. Cullen? She turned to see Anders' face go white. She looked from the warden to the direction the sound had come. He had only a few moments before the templars were upon them. Seeing a group of bushes a few steps away, Marian shoved Anders towards them.

"Hide." She hissed and before the templars rounded the corner Anders had dived into the bush.

Garrett looked from the bush to her and she saw him shrug and give Varric a look. The dwarf stepped in front of the bush and she was surprised to see Sebastian move to the dwarf's other side to keep the bush out of the templar's view.

Cullen and a band of twenty templars rounded the corner, led by Samson. When Cullen saw her, his face broke with relief and he quickened his step until he was in front of her. He touched her shoulder and scanned her with his eyes. "Are you hurt?"

She shook her head, but he still moved his hands over her, as if she would lie to him about her health. With Cullen there, the realization of what had happened hit her. She had been kidnapped. Her heart raced and fear and relief flooded her at once. Her eyes felt hot and she was pulled into Cullen's arms. "You're safe now." He whispered in her ear.

"No thanks to you." Garrett growled, standing next to Marian and glaring at the Knight-Captain. Cullen looked at him over her head.

"I got here as quickly as possible. From the Gallows, it is not a quick trip, Champion. Perhaps if you had waited..."

"You think there was time to wait!" Garrett shouted. "What do you think they would have done to her if I waited?!" Marian stiffened in Cullen's arms and he glared at the Champion.

"Then you'll just have to make do with when I arrived."

Garrett scoffed. "You got here with enough time to clean up what I finished."

Cullen looked around at the bodies and noticed the mage, the only one left alive, standing a few feet from Hawke. "Is he responsible for what happened?"

Hawke looked at the mage for a long time, as if weighing his answer. Finally, he shook his head. "He didn't have anything to do with the conspirators, but he did help me so I expect him to be taken care of."

Cullen looked at the mage. The only one left alive and with far too much information. Meredith would want answers. "I will see that he lives." It was the only thing he could promise. And it bothered him that the mage's life was the only thing he could save with certainty. Marian was still huddled against him, her head resting against his chest. Maker, what would he do if Meredith continued to deny him the ability to go home to her? How could he ask her to go home after this? How could he ask her to be alone when she carried his child?

Hawke nodded. "Then take your mage back to the Circle, templar." He was glaring at Cullen as if the whole ordeal was his fault. He wondered if some part of that was true. If he had been home, Marian would never have been in harm's way.

Cullen sighed. As much as he wanted to sit there and hold Marian for the rest of the day, he had to do his job; had to be a templar. He looked at Hawke. "I will need a full report of what happened here. I will come pick it up tonight."

Hawke nodded. "Good. You can visit your _wife_ when you get your report. She'll be at my estate if you need her."

Marian looked from her brother to her husband. Cullen just nodded, knowing it was futile to argue with Hawke. He looked down into Marian's eyes; they were bright, but no tears fell. He kissed her forehead and let his hand rest gently on her swollen belly. He had promised to protect her; he had failed.

She reached up and kissed his cheek, resting her head against him for a second. "Come home." She whispered.

He looked down at her. He couldn't promise anything, but he would try. He motioned for two of his templars to take the mage and he stepped away from his wife. "I'll try." He whispered back before moving to join his men and take the mage back to the Gallows.

Cullen looked back once to see Marian looking miserable and about to cry. He looked away before his resolve crumbled.


	30. Chapter 30

_Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who is still reading. The explicit chapter is posted on Archive of Our Own and I will post a link in my Author's profile. Enjoy!_

* * *

Chapter 30:

Garrett told Marian that he was taking her back to his estate. She wasn't sure why, but she certainly wasn't going to argue. She wasn't sure she was ready to go home, not just yet, and definitely not alone. He had Anders check her again to make sure she was safe and healthy before they headed back and then he grumbled about lousy templars that couldn't even do their job.

Anders helped her walk along the treacherous terrain, holding her arm gently.

"You know, a little fresh air is probably good for you." Anders said; he was smiling down at her and she could see he was in a good mood. Garrett glared back at him.

Marian chuckled weakly. Her mind kept wanting to return to what had just happened, but she forced herself to look ahead to the city growing closer. If she closed her eyes and pretended, she could think that she had merely fallen asleep in her bed and woken up on the coast. Not surrounded by bodies of mages and templars. Definitely not surrounded by bodies she could tell had been torn apart by her brother's blade. She sighed and looked down where she was walking.

Sebastian came up on her other side and she saw Anders' face flicker in annoyance. "Have you thought of a name for the baby?"

She smiled and put a hand on her stomach. "Oh, I don't know. I mean...I've been meaning to..." She frowned. She had been meaning to talk about it with Cullen. The first few months they had decided against coming up with names. They had both agreed that they had plenty of time and that maybe a name would just come to them. But what if Meredith continued to make him stay at the Gallows? What if he didn't come home tonight? Could she stay alone in a house that she had so easily been abducted from?

"I am sure you will think of something. The Maker often guides us in these situations."

"I'm sure you're right, I'll just have to be patient. And if the Maker doesn't give me a name by the time the baby is born, we'll just make something up. Varric will come up with something, won't you?"

Varric chuckled. "Oh, Hawkette I have plenty of names for that baby. I'm just waiting for you to pop it out so I can use them."

They laughed and she felt a little better as they walked through the gates of Kirkwall.

* * *

Cullen told Meredith he was going to check up on Marian and get the report of what happened from Hawke. A small part of him couldn't shake the idea that this was Meredith's fault. He knew it was irrational; the Knight-Commander could never have seen the treachery coming, but still, he needed to blame someone. When Meredith had learned of what happened she was furious. She ranted and raged while Cullen stood calmly in her office. She exclaimed that they had to be careful to root out the evil corrupting the Gallows and that he was going to personally examine every templar to make sure they were loyal to the Order. Cullen had agreed and told her that they should have a stricter policy for who was allowed into the templars.

"I won't go that far, Knight-Captain. We need men, now more than ever. We need loyal men and we will have them!"

He had internally groaned. How could he trust men that had been thugs and cutthroats the day before? How could Meredith? Surely she had to know that such men were only loyal to the highest bidder.

Eventually, Cullen had told Meredith he needed to get Hawke's report and she had reluctantly agreed to let him go.

"But I want you back here before nightfall, Knight-Captain. We need to keep a closer eye on our men. I need you here."

He ground his teeth as he walked up the street to the Hawke Estate. It was late afternoon and he guessed he had a few hours before dark. The door to the estate opened when he pushed on it and he walked through the foyer and into the main hall.

"Knight-Captain." Hawke called from his study. Cullen looked towards the stairs before deciding to get his conversation with the Champion over with before he went to see Marian.

He walked into the dark study and closed the door behind him. The window was open partly and Hawke had a small fire going in the hearth. He motioned for Cullen to sit and Hawke leaned back in the chair behind his large desk.

"Do you have the report ready? I only have a short amount of time before I have to be back at the Gallows and I would rather spend it with Marian." Cullen said irritably, knowing he wasn't going to enjoy this conversation.

Hawke raised his eyebrow and shrugged. "She's resting. It's been a trying day for her and the walk back from the coast tired her out. Hopefully it will help her have a dreamless sleep." Cullen sighed and nodded. Garrett rubbed his growing beard with his fingers and fixed Cullen with an angry look. "I have your report, but perhaps you wouldn't mind explaining how my sister ended up abducted by **your** templars?" The Champion's voice was barely controlled.

Cullen rested his head in his hands and tried to reason with the man. "I don't know, Hawke. Meredith is practically beside herself with this new revelation. Before she barely trusted the city, but now the idea that there are people within the Gallows that plot against her..." He looked up at the Champion. "I need your support, Hawke. Meredith needs your support. Perhaps, with it, she will calm down, become less...paranoid."

Hawke leaned back in his chair. "So you admit that the woman is paranoid. She is barely fit for her role any longer, Knight-Captain."

"Don't say that." Cullen hissed, looking behind him to make sure the door was closed. "Those are dangerous words, Hawke. Especially now."

"Do you deny them?"

Cullen was silent. "Yes." He said softly.

"Then you are a fool."

Cullen stood up, deciding he could stay in the study no longer. "I'll not listen to this, Hawke. Say whatever you like about me, but do not talk about the Knight-Commander, and for Marian's sake, don't let anyone else hear you."

"Marian's sake?" Hawke growled and stood up, leaning over his desk towards Cullen. "What does she have to do with any of this?"

He looked at Hawke, surprised the man hadn't guessed. "She's in the middle; you have to see that. With you as her brother and me as her husband...if anything were to happen...if this mess were to boil over she'll be the one caught in the crossfire...mark my words, Hawke."

Hawke sat back down and ran a hand through his hair while sighing. "Then it's a good thing she will be staying here from now on. She'll be safer this way."

"Staying here? As in...at the estate?"

Hawke glared at him from his seat. "Yes. Since I clearly can't rely on you to watch over her, Marian will stay here until further notice or this mess blows over."

He opened his mouth to speak, but then shut it. The man was right, as infuriating as it was. It would be safer for Marian here with Hawke than back at the house by the docks. At least here she would have her brother, and Hightown was safe. Cullen knew that with Marian staying in Hightown he wouldn't be able to see her as easily, although he doubted Meredith would be letting him out any time soon.

Cullen nodded and bowed his head to Hawke, who appeared satisfied with the acknowledgment and allowed Cullen to leave the study, saying he would leave the report by the door. He took the steps up the stairs two at a time and was in front of Marian's old room in seconds. He knocked quietly. When he didn't hear a response, he pushed the door open softly.

Marian was sleeping on her bed, her face towards him, her hand resting lightly on her extended stomach. He paused in the doorway and watched her. She looked so peaceful. Her black hair tousled and falling down her back, her chest lightly rising with each breath. At least she was sleeping. The idea that someone had tried to hurt her...it sent fire through his veins. He hadn't been surprised to come across the coast and see the massacre Hawke caused. Had he gotten there earlier, had he not been held up in the Gallows, he would have killed them all as well. But it had been his fault, as Hawke had said; if he had been home, if he had protected her like he promised, then she would never have been in harm's way, she would be sleeping happily at their home. He felt his stomach clench with the weight of guilt. If anything had happened to her, it would have been his fault alone.

He walked over to the side of the bed and she stirred, her eyes opening lazily.

"Cullen?" She mumbled, one hand running across her face.

He bent and kissed her forehead. "Yes, love. I'm here." _for now_, he added to himself.

Her hand came off her stomach and took his, she brought his palm to her lips and kissed it. "I've missed you." Her blue eyes looked up at him and he cursed Meredith for demanding he go back to the Gallows. He bent down on his knees and brought her hand up to his lips, kissing it lightly, kissing each finger and lingering slightly on her ring finger.

"I've missed you too, my love."

Marian looked into his eyes and sighed. "You have to go back. To the Gallows."

He swallowed the pain. "Yes."

"Garrett said I was going to stay here for a while." She looked sad and he didn't know what he could say to make her happy again.

"It's probably safer for now." She nodded, but she was clearly unhappy about it. He kissed the back of her hand and leaned down to kiss her stomach. She sighed and shifted so she was on her back and he let his hand roam over her stomach. Before Meredith's proclamation, he had done this every night. Come home and let his hand move over the growing child inside her. At first, she had said he was being ridiculous.

"There isn't even anything there yet!" She had giggled when he first kissed her stomach, his beard tickling the sensitive skin as his hand roamed over her stomach and sides, enjoying the feeling of her soft skin.

"But one day soon there will be, my love." He has whispered, smiling brightly up at her and giving her stomach another kiss for good measure. "One day soon there will be a healthy little child in there. Our child." She had pulled him back up to her and kissed him soundly.

"Then you should check every night. Just to see when our child appears."

Now he kissed her stomach gently, his hand moving in circles.

"Oh." She gasped and he felt the soft kick against his hand. He smiled and she chuckled. "I guess it's safe to say he knows who his father is."

He looked up at her. "He?"

She looked sheepishly down at her stomach, placing her hand on top of his. "Yes. It's a boy."

Cullen blinked and looked curiously at her. "H-how do you know?"

She chuckled softly. "A wizard told me."

He was about to ask what she meant when a soft kick hit his hand again, a little harder than the first.

"I think he is demanding your attention, papa." He kissed her hand, a swell of warmth in his heart. His son. He would be a father...he would have a son.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31:

"So, Guard Captain, will you come over tonight?" Marian asked from the chair across Aveline's desk.

"I would, Marian, but I just got back and..." She motioned the desk full of paperwork. "I have a lot of work to do before I can relax again." Aveline had returned from Orlais the previous afternoon. As soon as Marian had heard, she had rushed over to the Viscount's Keep to convince her friend to come over and catch up.

She pouted and rubbed her stomach. "Oh, please Aveline. Garrett is killing me. He won't leave me alone! I am not allowed to leave the house without an escort and he is constantly checking up on me. All I want is one evening with my friends, but he won't even let me go to the Hanged Man anymore. He says it's, 'too dangerous'. Please, please come over. Just for dinner...and you can bring Donnic...please." She would get on her knees if she had to. She couldn't stand another evening with Garrett staring glumly at paperwork from the other end of the table while she ate silently. She was sure she would go out of her mind.

Aveline sighed and rubbed her nose. "Ok...maybe." Marian smiled triumphantly and stood up, taking more time than she would normally need to straighten with her swelled belly. "I said maybe, Marian. That's not a yes, don't get too excited."

But Marian was beaming. "I'll see you when you get off. Orana and I will prepare a feast so bring your appetite." And before the Guard Captain could argue any more Marian was walking out of her office to where Fenris was lounging against the wall, glaring at every guard that passed by. She nodded to him and the elf followed her out of the Keep and back to the estate.

* * *

"Are you still not seeing Cullen very often?" Aveline asked as she helped Marian carry a plate of food to the table.

Marian sighed and shifted some of the plates on the table, straightening them before answering. "He's just...Meredith keeps him very busy is all."

Aveline put her hand on Marian's shoulder. "I understand. You don't need to make excuses. The life of a templar is not easy."

Marian gave her friend a weak smile.

"This looks delicious." Donnic said from the other side of the table. He had a large smile, but Marian could see he was nervous. They hadn't spoken much since that disaster meeting at the Hanged Man. She knew he meant nothing by his words that night and Aveline had straightened him out about her loyalty to Cullen. Still, they had never been close.

She gave the guard a smile and spread her arms. "Well, let's eat before it gets cold then."

Aveline sat and looked up towards the other room. "Is Garrett joining us?"

"He said he had another engagement."

"More for us then." Donnic said, helping himself to Orana's famous meat pies.

Aveline gave him a bemused look. "I thought you said you ate enough in Orlais to last a lifetime."

He chuckled and Marian smiled. "So are you going to tell me about your trip?" She was curious about what Orlais was like; having grown up with horror stories about Orlesians and Chevaliers.

Aveline smiled and Donnic gave a small blush. Marian shook her head and chuckled, piling more food onto her plate.

She was reaching for a dish of roasted chicken when the door to the dining room opened. She expected to see Orana coming in to ask them about the food. She didn't expect to see Cullen standing in the door, a small smile on his face and his eyes lighting up as he saw her.

"Cullen!" She was getting up to go greet him, or attempting to, but her brother's chairs were so difficult to maneuver nowadays.

Cullen chuckled and shook his head. "Don't get up, love." He said, walking up to her and kissing her forehead. He smiled at Aveline and Donnic and grabbed a chair to sit beside her.

"I wasn't expecting you." She grinned at him. He put his hand on hers and squeezed gently.

"I'm sorry. It was short notice. Meredith gave me the whole night off."

He had gone to the Knight-Commander's office that night expecting to give her the usual reports and had been surprised when she asked about Marian.

"How is your wife holding up? After the...unfortunate incident on the coast."

"Uh...well I...she is holding up..." He thought anyway, but it was not as if he had much time to speak with her since the incident. Not with Meredith breathing down his throat to train templars. He spent almost every waking minute training new templars. Most of them weren't fit to hold a blade, and many he would never expect to uphold the values of the Order. But when he had pointed this out to the Knight-Commander she had told him to do his duty and train the men and that they wouldn't be turning anyone away.

That hadn't always been the case, and as the days increased he realized why: being a templar used to mean something, it was an honor to be accepted into the Order, to learn the gifts of the Maker. But Meredith allowed anyone in, and most of the riffraff were looking for money and would work for anyone that could buy their loyalty. But he trained them...because that was his duty.

"And her brother? Do you see much of him when you visit your wife?" Meredith was watching him with her cold eyes, he could almost see a faint gleam to them, but perhaps it was the light.

"Y-yes. I do see the Champion when I visit her." He didn't like that every time he talked with the Commander about Marian, Hawke somehow ended up in the conversation.

"Do you speak with him?"

"Sometimes." He generally tried to avoid the man as much as possible. Hawke was still angry about Marian being taken by his own templars.

Meredith sat back and thought for a moment. She fixed him with a stare before leaning forward again. "I think the Gallows are under control again, Knight-Captain. Now might be a good time to visit your wife. You may go for the evening."

He had been a bit shocked, but wasn't going to question her so he took his leave and left, switching out of his armor before getting on the ferry.

Cullen turned to the two guests and smiled, feeling more relaxed than he had in weeks. "I hear you came back from Orlais. How was it? I've personally never been there, but I hear the White Spire is beautiful and the Grand Cathedral is supposed to be something out of a dream. Did you visit them?"

Aveline ate slowly and shook her head. "No...no we didn't get a chance to see the White Spire. I mean...we saw it from a distance. And we didn't go to the Grand Cathedral."

Cullen frowned slightly. If one was in Orlais, why would they not visit the Grand Cathedral and see the Divine? Was that not the only reason to go to Val Royeaux? Marian chuckled and Aveline had a faint smile on her face as she looked at her friend.

"What did you do then?" He asked, shaking his head in confusion.

Marian laughed and gave him a look. Cullen didn't understand it.

"How have the templars been holding up?" Donnic asked quickly, smiling broadly at the Knight-Captain.

Cullen was perplexed, but allowed the conversation to change and they spent the rest of the evening talking about Kirkwall and other menial things. Marian told a few stories she had heard from Varric, some about Hawke which she swore couldn't be true and some that made Aveline snort with laughter.

"Hawke against twenty Qunari. No one is stupid enough to believe that."

"I think he said that next time he was going to add in a trained dragon for the Qunari." Marian shook her head while laughing. "I don't know how people believe a word out of his mouth."

Eventually, Aveline and Donnic left and Orana cleared the dishes away, leaving Cullen and Marian to wander upstairs.

"So what made Meredith change her mind? I thought she was going to keep you locked away in the Gallows forever." Marian walked over to her wardrobe to get ready for bed. She reached behind to undo the straps of her dress, but Cullen's hands found them first. She looked over her shoulder to smile at him and he kissed her neck softly.

"I'm not sure. She mentioned your brother and then that she thought the Gallows were secured." He moved her hair and kissed the other side of her neck, letting the dress fall to the floor. "I wasn't going to question her." His hand wrapped around her, resting the palm against her stomach.

"He's getting big isn't he?"

Cullen chuckled softly and rubbed his palm across her stomach in a soothing circle. "Has he been letting you sleep?"

She laughed and leaned against him. "Not through the whole night. He's going to be trouble, I just know it."

He kissed her neck, his heart swelling with warmth. "Have you thought of a name yet?"

"Difficult."

Cullen chuckled. "Under our breath I'm sure we will call him that." He held her close, letting his warmth calm her. The light cast shadows across the room. She was so beautiful, his wife, the mother of his child, his love. "What about Malcolm?"

She turned around to face him in his arms, her eyes widening. Her mouth opened a bit and then she watched him. Finally, she quietly asked, "After my father?"

He smiled down at her, kissing her slowly; hearing the sigh of contentment as she relaxed against him. "You loved him. And you miss him."

"He was a mage." Marian was watching him curiously, her body stiffening slightly. "You would name your son after a mage?"

"He was also a good man." He smiled and pulled her closer. "And he named his son after a templar, remember?"

She relaxed again in his embrace. "He was also trouble. Do we need to give our son more encouragement? He already torments me." She smiled. "Are you sure?"

"I would not have suggested it if I wasn't." He kissed her.

She buried her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "I will think about it, but I like the idea. My father would have loved to be a grandpa." She sighed.

"MARIAN!"

She jumped and Cullen turned towards the door. He didn't recognize the voice. It was fairly deep and definitely not Hawke's.

Marian grabbed her robe and slung it around her, heading for the door quickly, Cullen right behind her.

"GET DOWN HERE, NOW!"

He looked over the banner and saw the white-haired elf holding up Hawke, the other bleeding out of wounds across his stomach and coughing.

Marian gasped and ran down the steps, reaching her brother as the elf rested him on the floor. Hawke was groaning and clutching his stomach. Marian batted his arms away to see clearer.

"Heal him. He needs healing, now!"

Cullen felt her draw her magic even before her hands were touching her brother's wounds. He hurried to Hawke's other side and helped Fenris hold him up.

"What happened?" He asked, as Marian set about assessing the damage with her magic.

The elf's eyebrows knitted and he glared at Cullen as if he was to blame. "Perhaps you should ask your Commander, templar."

He was silent, his eyes running over Hawke's wounds even as the blue light of Marian's magic shined on them. Blades had cut his stomach, the wounds looked pretty deep and there was a lot of blood loss. But Hawke didn't walk around Kirkwall without armor. Cullen could see the thick metal armor around the wounds. It would be thick enough to stop almost any blade, given that it wasn't enchanted...or silverite. He felt cold seep through his bones as the wounds began stitching together. There was only one group of warriors in Kirkwall that carried silverite blades. Silverite blades emblazoned with Andraste's holy symbol. The same blade he carried.

"It's not possible." He growled at the elf, not allowing himself to believe what was right in front of him.

"Do you think they only wanted to talk? If I had not been there..." Fenris swallowed and Marian glanced at him before looking back at the work she was doing.

"Fenris." Hawke groaned, then sighed as the blue magic ran through his wounds.

"I'm right here, Hawke." Fenris growled, his green eyes staring at the man's face.

Hawke gave a sigh that sounded less harried and his body relaxed. Marian let her magic go and stared at her twin as he slumped against the two men, passing out.

"Is he going to make it?" Cullen asked, the elf gave Marian a searching look as well.

"I think so. The worst of the wounds healed nicely. He needs rest. I think he has a few health salves stashed away, they wouldn't hurt either." She looked from Cullen to Fenris. "You two bring him upstairs and wash his wounds, I'll grab the health salve." She gave her brother a last worried look before getting up and heading towards his study.

Cullen had worried that they would have trouble carrying Hawke between the two of them, but the elf surprised him with his strength and together they easily got Hawke up the stairs and to his room. He helped strip him of his armor and Fenris filled a bowl with water and grabbed a rag, dabbing carefully at Hawke's chest. When Cullen asked if he needed help, Fenris shook his head and told him he had cleaned up worse. He nodded and left him to it.

Marian walked up the stairs with the poultice in one hand, her other hand using the banister for support. Cullen frowned. He hadn't noticed how close she was. Her stomach was swelled out and he saw that she was even walking differently due to the weight. She smiled tiredly at him.

"Fenris kick you out?" She chuckled.

Cullen smiled. "No. But he was doing a better job of cleaning the wounds than I could have."

She nodded and walked into her brother's room. Cullen stayed outside, listening to the rustle of the bed moving as the elf and her applied the salve. Marian came out a few minutes later.

"He's sending me to bed. Says I look worse than my brother." She pouted.

Cullen brushed her hair back. "You look beautiful, my love. Though you do look tired."

She smiled. "I am." She sighed and looked at him, her expression serious. "What does this mean?"

Cullen ran a hand over his face. "I don't know."

Marian walked forward and hugged him. "Cullen, templars attacked my brother. They could have killed him. What are we going to do?"

He looked down at her. He had no idea what to do. "I will speak to Meredith. It is possible they were...rogue." He could tell from her expression that she didn't believe that. Her eyes were almost as dark as his. "You need sleep, love. Let me worry about it for tonight. If anything happens, Fenris will wake us."

She nodded. He was almost surprised at how easy it had been to convince her. Perhaps the baby had made her less stubborn. Or maybe she was finally learning her limits.

* * *

"How was your evening, Knight-Captain?" Meredith asked as Cullen walked into her office the next morning. "Any...problems?"

Cullen had been opening his mouth to tell her about Hawke being attacked by templars when he stopped. Meredith was watching him closely, examining him for any sign of disturbance. Like she knew.

"N-no. Nothing. The Guard-Captain was over visiting Marian, but a quiet night nonetheless." He didn't know what made him hold back, but something told him he needed to be more careful. If Hawke had incurred Meredith's wrath, if she had sent templars after him, then Cullen needed to make sure he and Marian were well separated from him in Meredith's eyes. He couldn't afford to worry that the Knight-Commander would turn to Marian for vengeance.

Meredith's eyes widened slightly, then narrowed. "Did you see the Champion?"

"No. But that is not surprising. The man spends many nights out."

"And...you did not see him this morning?"

"No, Knight-Commander...Is there a reason I should be looking for him?"

She eyed him and he worried she knew he was lying. "No. But an eye should be kept on him. The Champion has too much power in this city and his alliance is unknown."

Cullen thought for a moment. "Perhaps I should visit Marian more? She would know more about her brother's whereabouts than anyone else."

Meredith leaned back in her chair. "Yes...that might not be a bad idea, Knight-Captain. I will think about it. Perhaps a few times a week you could go to the estate and...look in on them."

He wondered if he could be so lucky.


End file.
